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2/25/2019 6:41:14 AM RICHARD RODRIGUEZ Posts: 2	HOMELESS MASSES I am just one of the masses that you see in the underpasses carrying the placard signs; that may read; disabled vet, homeless, or feed me please; but you’ve became adapt, at avoiding our eyes, and to no surprise. for we’ve become invisible to all, but the sainted few, or those that need to feel sainted; so some of us go hungry while others go cold, all the while the elements take there toll; our hair is unkempt, our clothes disheveled, our shoes have holes the size of medals, and the smell; well, what can I say, you try walking in our shoes for a day; so when you drive by, don’t avoid our eyes see us for who we are, acknowledge us from your car, for; I am just one of the masses, that you see in the underpasses, carrying the placard sign
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2/26/2019 7:22:37 AM Jack Webster Posts: 255	I think the line comparing the holes in the shoes to the size of medals is brilliant because it's a really unique simile that on it's own would not have much meaning, but you've created the context of the persona being a veteran, so it very smartly picks up that element of the theme and tangibly associates it with the situation of homelessness. I like the way you've bookended the poem with the image of a person under the overpass holding a sign. it works well to give a sense that the person holding the sign is the first and last thing the reader sees as they drive by in the poem, and that the body of the poem is unpacking everything contained in that brief moment. Contrasting the brevity of the physical moment with the complexity of everything that moment represents both in the present and historically i think is very good indeed. in fact, I would say expand. a lot more. this is a moment to show the person driving by EVERYTHING and the kitchen sink. Beneath the underpass the persona only gets what is given, but here, in the poem, the person driving by has given their EAR. The reader is no longer simply driving by, they are a passenger as the person beneath the underpass drives them through all the things they can't see from their own car. Go all out. This is a moment to show them things they can't imagine on their own. The details of homelessness you give are perfectly valid. However, I suspect they are details one could imagine on one's own. But, it is the simile of the holes in the shoes to medals that gives it power and life. I think you could give this poem rocket fuel by comparing the life of homelessness with life in the military. Maybe the cars that drive by without stopping are like helicopters flying over a wounded soldier and don't see he's there as he cries out for help. Maybe the speakers knows a vet who got good care in a V.A. clinic but now the only needles he sees are for heroine. You could get really, really intimate with comparing the present situation and tying it directly to the past. We need to see more of the veteran side of the poem. Take what you did with the holes in the shoes and the medals and do. it. to. everything. Really great beginning. Go all the way! Thanks for sharing. Good luck.
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