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2/18/2019 10:42:47 AM Victoria Lucas Posts: 9	You've driven me quite mad Love that I've had For many years over I still feel the fears of an Unquelled baby Longing for its mother With similar dependency, I cry for you in the dark I've still not learned to soothe myself to sleep edited by junkycosmonaut on 2/18/2019
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2/21/2019 8:06:47 AM Jack Webster Posts: 255	If I were going to edit this, I'd chop a lot: Quite mad I cry for you in the dark. Still, I feel the fears of an unquelled baby longing for its mother. you've chosen good metaphors, so dont slow down the poem explaining them. good metaphors not only speak for themselves, but are able to speak the language of silence, just as a lover's gaze. explaining what the metaphors mean allows the reader the option to be lazy, waiting for it all to be spelled out. Leaving them a riddle of the heart gives them not only something to do, but asks them to give life to the poem because they must actually imagine it, imagine themselves experiencing it to understand it. the only other thing i would suggest is to make a goal of beginning and ending lines with meaningful words, thematically significant words. edited by superlativedeleted on 2/21/2019
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2/27/2019 6:46:33 AM Gerald Greene Posts: 1	I'm not sure what "over" means. Either completed and no more or over as in many more? The next to last line seems unnecessary to me. Other than these 2 thing, the thoughts are powerfully expressed and well done.
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