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2/5/2019 10:18:01 AM Kiran Nivedh Sarguneswaran Posts: 10	You are a beautiful song that rings in my heart You are the beautiful buzz that taps my chest My whole evening sky with the muse of hue dusk Only you and me in this world's musk You are my happiness my eyes search for You are the shadow of my soul When we clasp our hands Little madness starts to play Our love floats in the air Isn't this a lovely poem?
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2/10/2019 5:33:01 AM Jack Webster Posts: 255	I would take out the last line. consider rewriting as a ghazal. The refrain would be: our love floats in the air - or - only you and me in this world's musk - or - you are my evening sky, my muse of the dusk. Read Rumi for inspiration. Good start. Keep going! Please post your second draft. I'd love to read this as a ghazal. edited by superlativedeleted on 2/10/2019
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2/11/2019 8:01:43 AM Kiran Nivedh Sarguneswaran Posts: 10	Thanks for your valuable comments
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2/11/2019 8:11:30 AM Kiran Nivedh Sarguneswaran Posts: 10	You are a beautiful song that rings in my heart You are the beautiful buzz that taps my chest My whole evening sky with you, my muse of the dusk! Only you and me in this world's musk You are my happiness my eyes search for You are the shadow of my soul When we clasp our hands Little madness starts to play Our love floats in the air Showing Aurora of us everywhere
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