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10/19/2018 1:36:01 AM Nel Hal Posts: 1	A Nihilistic Pen A crude tool, scraped out of the corpses of the animate. Smooth frame, end weighted yet a hollow core. With surgical precision rugged strokes of intent forms beings abound. Drowned by the tidal wave of compulsion and espoused with approximation. It’s function will be debased, with the very abstraction its actions was born of A cruel dichotomy, to draw meaning out of the abyss through the pestilence of consensus. Consensus of experience. consensus of thought. Its soulless body and mechanical appendixes, violated in the endless war to expand and conquer, through a medium doomed to homogenize our restless hearts A corrupted user, armed with means fashioned to be mightier than the sword, yet swayed by barren wealth. The tidal wave has reached the shore, it does not choke. This husk will not revive. Time nor force can resuscitate its comatose form. A ray of hope. diffracted and maligned from many lenses past. Though fashioned from the stars above, for a purpose buried by the tales of the past, direction nor commotion is needed in the blur to today. Allow a thoughtless infancy beget the greatest aberration. Impiety to the indignation of reality, rebellion against the circle of life; the beginning and end. Defined by rigid criterion, assessed by ignorant masses; yet it admires the cyclic path, experiencing each stroke to its end. By pushing through and with these mellow walls, it is truly alive.
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10/24/2018 7:53:58 PM Frank Frank Posts: 15	"A crude tool" - a nice way of describing an instrument that writes down language, but after that you lose me: "corpses of the animate" - how do the animate have corpses since they're, well, still alive? "With surgical precision" - but you just told us it was a crude tool. The rest doesn't make much sense to me. Try saying it in plainer language. And perhaps look up the meaning of "nihilism" - not sure what you're getting at with that in the title.
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11/12/2018 6:03:50 AM Carolyn Fish Posts: 12	Frank wrote: "A crude tool" - a nice way of describing an instrument that writes down language, but after that you lose me: "corpses of the animate" - how do the animate have corpses since they're, well, still alive? ~ Try saying it in plainer language. ~And perhaps look up the meaning of "nihilism" - not sure what you're getting at with that in the title. I agree with Frank's first point, unless what you mean is that the animate are living corpses (somewhat tying in to the Nihilism theme, evoking images of apathetic sacks of life walking around in meaninglessness.) I agree as well that plainer language would benefit this poem. It seems like their is a desire in this poem to get out a lot of a certain type of imagery and mood without ensuring that the words actually make any sense together. It sounds like you have a lot of feelings/perspectives that you want to convey, but simply having powerful words placed next to each other does not automatically convey anything.
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