Poetry Forum
Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/9/2018 11:39:33 PM
James Ostrander Posts: 1
|
The needfor understanding is at hand Uncertaintyrevels in the mind unplanned Searchingthrough the past for moments Unknowinglyhaving it all omniscience Through thejoy and heartaches one withstood An undyinglove that is known to the brotherhood Neverquestioned did I assume your role By my sidethrough all, you helped console In thedarkest of hours, we were tested With bitterangst we, I, rejected Ending alifetime of bonding and memories Through asimple conversation of apparent ease With a newfoundpurpose and willingness to feel An apologywas only the formality of what was surreal Never didanyone falter from the true purify Again, onewill never need to know why
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
12/1/2018 2:57:29 AM
Jack Webster Posts: 255
|
poems like these ask the author to balance on a tightrope - expressing something extremely personal and private, in fact intended only for one person, "you" (and not you, the reader), in an extremely public way, to perfect strangers. this frequently results in a poem where "you" will know exactly what is going on, but the reader will be left trying to peek through a keyhole. The author ends up expressing how meaningful the moment was to the author, but the reader does not have their own experience of the moment. The reader can simply feel happy for the author, or perhaps be reminded of a time they felt a similar way.
Ideally the poem should make the reader feel they have experienced something for themselves.
One of the fun things about poetry is you can tell really personal stuff in really private ways without omitting the direct experience for the reader (you can invent a false experience for the reader that tells an emotional truth); this can be what extended metaphor is for:
I was a wolf
limping on a torn leg through the dark forest
my call unanswered.
I fell in the pine needles,
my long tongue limp and unable to lap,
how it hung out of my empty stomach.
The coyotes came
their yellow eyes diamonds
ready to cut through my fur.
I tried to rise
but even my own blood abandoned me,
my own blood abandoned me,
left me laying in the needless,
waiting for death,
and it came with shining eyes.
And then there was you,
and the diamonds fled into the forest.
You picked my broken body up and
took me home.
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
Powered by AspNetForum
6.6.0.0
© 2006-2010 Jitbit Software