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Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/9/2018 11:39:33 PM

James Ostrander
Posts: 1
The needfor understanding is at hand
Uncertaintyrevels in the mind unplanned
Searchingthrough the past for moments
Unknowinglyhaving it all omniscience

Through thejoy and heartaches one withstood
An undyinglove that is known to the brotherhood
Neverquestioned did I assume your role
By my sidethrough all, you helped console

In thedarkest of hours, we were tested
With bitterangst we, I, rejected
Ending alifetime of bonding and memories
Through asimple conversation of apparent ease

With a newfoundpurpose and willingness to feel
An apologywas only the formality of what was surreal
Never didanyone falter from the true purify
Again, onewill never need to know why
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12/1/2018 2:57:29 AM

Jack Webster
Posts: 255
poems like these ask the author to balance on a tightrope - expressing something extremely personal and private, in fact intended only for one person, "you" (and not you, the reader), in an extremely public way, to perfect strangers. this frequently results in a poem where "you" will know exactly what is going on, but the reader will be left trying to peek through a keyhole. The author ends up expressing how meaningful the moment was to the author, but the reader does not have their own experience of the moment. The reader can simply feel happy for the author, or perhaps be reminded of a time they felt a similar way.




Ideally the poem should make the reader feel they have experienced something for themselves.





One of the fun things about poetry is you can tell really personal stuff in really private ways without omitting the direct experience for the reader (you can invent a false experience for the reader that tells an emotional truth); this can be what extended metaphor is for:




I was a wolf

limping on a torn leg through the dark forest

my call unanswered.

I fell in the pine needles,


my long tongue limp and unable to lap,

how it hung out of my empty stomach.

The coyotes came

their yellow eyes diamonds

ready to cut through my fur.

I tried to rise

but even my own blood abandoned me,

my own blood abandoned me,


left me laying in the needless,

waiting for death,

and it came with shining eyes.


And then there was you,


and the diamonds fled into the forest.

You picked my broken body up and


took me home.
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