Poetry Forum
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7/10/2018 4:23:18 AM
Fatin Zaini
Posts: 1
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It's freezing cold
Pretty clouds seeping through my parted lips
Lacing my fingers together
Making it a little prison
'It's too cold today', sighing
To breathe is a chore
And the records have shown
The snow penetrated deep underneath the white earth
It is the sign of my loneliness
As the colds creep into my bones
I have lost my voice
Love, please sing me a lullaby
Let me forget my woes and the dark places
Forgive me for wanting a little bit of peace
Have I made the wrong decisions?
Life has made me so worn out
And I run to the highest mountain
But this world is still freezing cold
edited by qvee on 7/11/2018
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12/2/2018 5:03:33 AM
Jack Webster
Posts: 255
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very strong draft. you rely on concrete details, you rely on carefully chosen words to give those concrete details meaning that is deeper than the literal meaning, you illustrate the will to live and the frailty of the human condition.
continue developing it.
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