Poetry Forum

Forum Home » High Critique » Please critique- my greatest regret

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!

7/8/2018 1:50:07 PM

Ren Mills
Posts: 1

Hey, this is one of my first poems I've written in a long time. It was originally for a competition for my local bookshop but the category was birthdays and this doesn't have anything to do with birthdays. Anyway please read this until the end and leave me some feedback

When was the last time I ate a meal?

I lay in bed, contemplating what is real,

Crying myself to sleep, wanting to be done,

I want my last moment to finally come.

My arms have been cut up so many times,

And I mask what I have done with made up lies,

He has his hands wrapped tightly around my neck,

Knowing that when he is done, I will be left a wreck.

He told me once that nobody cared for me,

And his words made it so easy for me to believe,

“I’m here for you,” are empty words that they all say

Because I am discredited, judged and mocked every day

This life I am living is an absolute disaster,

And it is slipping away faster and faster,

I cannot even picture myself in ten years’ time,

Now I know all I need to do is curl up and die.

I became reckless, I’ve said my goodbyes,

Suicide is something that slips in my mind

He whispers it in my ear, repeating it over,

And he is the one that has made me a pushover.

He’s convinced me, I will stop my breathing!

I know many methods to halt this organ beating,

I will end my life, once and for all,

And he will never have to taunt me anymore.

I will overdose on my medication,

For the first time in years, I have this motivation,

One pill, two pills, three pills and more,

I fall, barely breathing, on my bedroom floor.

The door swings open and I hear a shriek and a cry

They pick up my body and scream at me “why?”

She is sobbing and yelling for someone to get help,

And only now I realise I can comprehend what she would’ve felt.

What have I done?

If I was to relive my life, I would re-write this poem and make a few changes,

Yea my life is a disaster but I didn’t think to turn the pages,

I can picture myself in ten years’ time,

And ending my life was my one and only crime,

Because he was wrong, she cared for me when I thought nobody else did,

And I could meet more people, ditch the ones who were never good,

Because if I was to re-do everything again,

Then I will actually live my life to its full extent.

• permalink • reply with quote