Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
5/30/2018 1:33:57 PM
Sammy Dee
Posts: 3
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I would love to get a critique on my work! I am new to poetry and starting school for creative writing in the fall.
Can you swim with the birds?
I dance with the leaves,
As they move erratically from the branches that sway so steadily.
The weary stems trying so desperately to keep hold of their enthusiastic antithesis.
Oh, how grand it must be -
to be the exuberant wind,
How the twine causes even the most dejected, festering houses to moan along to it’s voracious tune,
Causing their skeleton’s of rusted nails and tuckered wood to vibrate in meter.
Even the boisterous sea cannot help but dance in its most embellished way,
Turning captains green and their shipwrecked fellows white with fear.
Oh, let us praise the majesty of the wind
Let us swim up to where the wind meets the sea in their most congruent riptide
Let us swim with the birds,
Let us dance with the leaves,
And let us fly within the sea!
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