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Forum Home » High Critique » Let us be

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
3/3/2018 9:03:53 AM

Oliver Furlong
Posts: 11
Let us be….




Let us be cast by winds

holding on to nothing but each other’s company

swaying this way and that,

displaying our fragile brittle states,

seasonal winds lashing us up and down,

sun baking our skin, and rain stirring our moods

waiting for the weather to bring us back together.

Beware how subtle the undercurrent;

our blood and sweat feeding that fermented material stream.

Oblivion upon which we have chastised ourselves to

and offered up our mortal bodies for more to die for.




Let us be …..




Let us be bred and reared to be unmanufactured

letting nothing come between you and I

in a sweeter harmony as unprocessed gifted spirits

unleashing natural expressions of growth.

Be ready for malevolent forces encroach, sneaking in

to exploit every inch of our personal sphere

desperate to replace any natural act, with a loaded critical saw

poised to fell us down, conspiring, preying on choices

competing to own more of our interactions

as ammunition to be sold as a privilege

towards our becoming shredded to dust.

Beware as it could be…but it doesn’t have to be




Let us be free….




For our inner forms are not mechanical or symmetrical

nor do they all conform to a system’s algorithm.

So, stop letting us be cast us against each other

as divisible targets against our communal spirited spheres.

Rather, untie the illusory exterior mask and grow flowers from buds

like trees from seeds, find abundance in correspondence.

The real image of you and I resides in joy and relief

as the ancient light is held in soil and leaf

maybe dissolved in sweeter composition

kissing and stimulating at our roots, licking

healing shared wounds as love desires.
edited by Ollie Furlong on 3/13/2018
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3/3/2018 9:04:40 AM

Oliver Furlong
Posts: 11
I'm happy with the subject but not with the form
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