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Forum Home » High Critique » Lesson Learned

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
12/13/2017 9:36:12 AM

The song you sing
So publically
Will not bring; your heart
The remedy
For what you feel

For I, am not the enemy
and you, don't know my heart
I believed you were a friend to me
You surely played the part
edited by Mousey T. on 12/22/2017
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12/14/2017 12:37:43 PM

Stephen Wilson-Floyd
Posts: 49
I like the first two stanzas very much. There is some complication there, suggesting a real series of
events. It is always better though to show and not tell. But the third stanza, as the Brits say, "Puts too fine a point on it." Deception is suggested in stanzas one and two. Three just explains what has been suggested. I'd excise stanza three. Best wishes!
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12/22/2017 4:48:27 AM

Hello Stephen, I think you're right. Thank you for your input.
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