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11/23/2017 3:34:22 AM
stina lu Posts: 1
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The Ten Daggers
by Stina Lu
I spent thousands of years
burnning my flesh
Casting, hardening, forging ...
Ten daggers
Put one of them
on the summit of the Olympus
The holy gods feared
and disappeared
Pierced one in the long and narrow island
on the margin of the Pacific Ocean
It arrogated the grace of the sun
Killing and looting in the name of its glory
One was stabbed
into the heart of the main land
Black blood erupted and flew
breeding dizzy modern civilization
One flied into the vast heaven
My footsteps clopping heavily
Make the moon and stars
trembling all day and night
Two were inserted
to the north and south frozen pole
The bears and emperor penguins
drifted all around with no home
The other daggers
were used to cut the river of history
Smash the memories into tiny pieces
Forget all the evil things I have done
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11/26/2017 1:21:36 PM
Stephen Wilson-Floyd Posts: 49
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I like the story. Let me suggest "burning" for "burnning"; "Mount Olympus" for "the Olympus", "irritated" for "arrogated", "fled" for "flied". There are some nice phrases here like "black blood", "breeding dizzy", and "emperor penguins". I like these both for their sound and their sense. Best wishes!
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