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Do you need help editing a poem? Maybe English isn't your first language. Post poems or request help with a poem or english here.
11/23/2017 3:34:22 AM

stina lu
Posts: 1
The Ten Daggers

by Stina Lu




I spent thousands of years

burnning my flesh

Casting, hardening, forging ...

Ten daggers




Put one of them

on the summit of the Olympus

The holy gods feared

and disappeared




Pierced one in the long and narrow island

on the margin of the Pacific Ocean

It arrogated the grace of the sun

Killing and looting in the name of its glory




One was stabbed

into the heart of the main land

Black blood erupted and flew

breeding dizzy modern civilization




One flied into the vast heaven

My footsteps clopping heavily

Make the moon and stars

trembling all day and night




Two were inserted

to the north and south frozen pole

The bears and emperor penguins

drifted all around with no home




The other daggers

were used to cut the river of history

Smash the memories into tiny pieces

Forget all the evil things I have done
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11/26/2017 1:21:36 PM

Stephen Wilson-Floyd
Posts: 49
I like the story. Let me suggest "burning" for "burnning"; "Mount Olympus" for "the Olympus", "irritated" for "arrogated", "fled" for "flied". There are some nice phrases here like "black blood", "breeding dizzy", and "emperor penguins". I like these both for their sound and their sense. Best wishes!
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