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11/22/2017 12:47:52 PM Cameron Leslie Posts: 7	Your skin as pale as a morning dove And eyes that twinkle like stars above But someone whom I cannot love That is why you will always be The part of me that no one sees Shall I then merely hold this passion? Until mine regal face turns ashen? Why torment me in this awful fashion? It's just not right for you to be The part of me that no one sees Try as I might, it will not change These lucid thoughts seem out of range And I shall not from you estrange I do not want for you to be The part of me that no one sees NOTE: Please be meticulous on this. I desperately want to improve my writing. Thanks!
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11/22/2017 1:28:30 PM Stephen Wilson-Floyd Posts: 49	Who is your audience here? In my opinion, people write know themselves, communicate with family and friends like greeting cards, or is your audience wider? This is a self-revelatory poem in my opinion. I look for poems that are surprising. There is very little a love poem can say today that hasn't been said before, better. The standard for love poems then is very high. For a wider audience, I would not try rhyme. Anyone can rhyme, few do it well. The problem is the line can never sound like it was included just to finish the rhyme. Each line needs to pull its own weight. Best wishes!
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11/28/2017 8:51:53 PM Cameron Leslie Posts: 7	Thanks very much for the observation! It certainly is true that love poems have gotten a bit "stale" (for lack of a better word). A different approach at structure sounds like an excellent way to reach a wider audience and strike a greater impact. Thanks again!
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