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Forum Home » High Critique » Checklist Critique

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
7/3/2011 8:51:03 PM

George Stal
Posts: 2
looking for critique on this piece

-----------------------
I said welcome him in colonel pepper. let our
guest enjoy it while it lasts crooked nicotine
stains showing where to dust off your boots
Now we're getting somewhere with this gold-
leaf checklist all prompt & ready to board 1/
Fill the Ashtray. 2/ Sharpen the Pencils 3/
Remember to Exhale. Zero/ Remember to
move. For isn't that the hardest part to living , the actual
living part, no matter to the fact we're all locked
away for safekeeping. Torchs pre lit for the next
flame war screeching Douche over the bricked up Alley
kitterns mewl like stuck pigs struggling below swamp.
backed fur & all that Jazz. Top cat isn't here anymore
as the SFX department handles the kiddie shows
now. In human forms parading on screen snatched
into an ultra violet world caught all stop motion. I wish
we could all stop a moment pick it apart and see what
really went down beyond all this he say she say business
spinning lines from stardust.

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"Without the reader .....
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