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11/18/2017 12:10:07 AM Carol Davis Posts: 7	From my bay window, each pane holds my small world window leaks anticipation out and in this glassy casement here seasons show their multi-colored faces in a whisper Trees liberated from weight of their leaves, I eavesdrop... wintertime's snowflakes tint my windows with glacial frost a cold paralysis edges over my fingers All that is past… my windowpanes grow then shrink conditionally wintry days take flight under my breath for now, spring passion comes bursting as beautiful tableaus. Oh look, squirrel flashes up toward his nest hidden in oak verdancy he carries a corn cob to eat does it taste of salt and melted butter? A bird house on the nearby maple feeds my feathery neighbors don’t tell-- the cardinals are hatching three crimson chicks *listen, the chirp, chirp, chirp...* a natural but alluring annoyance Newly mown bouquet of grass wafts into my room this essence returns me to a time eating warm rhubarb pie while watching Grandpa mow our lawn April showers bring an array of wonderment a pretty teen girl walks under her bright paisley umbrella of course, matching raincoat and galoshes… such fun to see My goodness… alert… alert... feline at six o’clock anticipating cardinals to take wing for worms; feline slithers toward chicks what a clever bird... he swoops down squawking at the cat. Life leaps out at me now, casting shadows no matter--if you are out and about, come size up the earth through my window. Carol Davis** edited by macee97 on 11/18/2017 edited by macee97 on 11/18/2017
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11/18/2017 12:14:49 AM Carol Davis Posts: 7	the font is larger than the one I use so the lines do not end where I have them in the poem
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11/19/2017 5:32:44 PM Carol Davis Posts: 7	Just wondering why no one has critiqued my poem?
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11/19/2017 7:13:02 PM Bjorn Wastvedt Posts: 4	I am no expert, but think your poem is great!
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11/20/2017 4:55:39 PM Stephen Wilson-Floyd Posts: 49	I like this better than "Snake 101". I very much like some of your phrases like "beautiful tableau" and "oak verdancy" and "paisley umbrella" both for sound and sense. Less strong are near cliches, in my opinion, like "feathery neighbors". If this were mine, I'd read it aloud a few times, it seems a bit "wordy". The length of line and line breaks seem to me somewhat arbitrary. Cut, cut, cut, there are some precious parts here. Again, in my opinion, I would end it sooner, not put too fine a point on it. Let the poem end with the nice images ringing in the readers' ears without explaining the obvious. Best wishes!
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