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10/6/2017 6:04:42 AM Carol Davis Posts: 7	Please help me with my poem
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10/6/2017 6:07:02 AM Carol Davis Posts: 7	SMALL COMFORTS Small comforts-- The entities at home most taken in stride life is not made up of big incidences profound but the tiny things given without obligation and pride When I arrive home, open the door, there Jack stands wagging his tail so hard that it might just fall off his love--unconditional-- being with his master, his only demand While working at the computer, paying no mind to the kitty, Joe, a hairy feeling wraps around the legs...pleading for attention his gravelly lick reminds me he tried, I failed... just so I'd know Adventure adds flavor and spice to living--don’t be mistaken-- yet there is something to be said for regular and ordinary the lobster titillates the palate, but so do eggs and bacon Home--it is more than just rooms--it is where we unfold synonymous with the soul's nourishment a place where we are ourselves with no pretensions—we feel whole Outside left at the door, everything important is there strings of life tightly woven by pulling us back repeatedly Sustenance, security, and small comforts are found everywhere
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10/6/2017 10:26:18 AM Darren White Posts: 31	When you place your poem here, you do not need to ask for help anymore, it's all implied : ) I admire your attempt at this difficult rhyme scheme, in tercets. Because you do, the rhyme feels forced in a few places, and there is not a real cadence. That makes it sound a bit more like prose than poetry. You tell a wonderful story about home, and I like it very much : ) Have you considered throwing the rhyme away and trying tio make us feel how you feel? Sometimes it's easier if you don't need to pay attention to a rhyme. It sould make it easier to stop 'telling' and let us dive into what you like us to feel : Hope this helps. edited by dWite on 10/6/2017
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10/6/2017 2:04:38 PM Bob Atkinson Posts: 294	Carol, thez, itz, the verb to be (iz are waz were) and that, I find to reduce the beauty of the writing. The verb "to be" flips the writing over to prose, which is an attempt at description of reality, as poetry, in my view, is a description of our reaction to perceived reality. ** google search ** poetry critic Regards, Bob Atkinson p { margin-bottom: 0.1in; line-height: 120%; }SMALLCOMFORTS Small comforts-- THEentities at home most taken in stride life ISnot made up of big incidences profound but THEtiny things given without obligation and pride When Iarrive home, open THE door, there Jackstands wagging his tail so hard THAT ITmight just fall off his love--unconditional-- being with hismaster, his only demand While working at THEcomputer, paying no mind to THE kitty,Joe, a hairy feeling wraps around the legs...pleading forattention his gravelly lick reminds me he tried, I failed...just so I'd know Adventure adds flavor and spice toliving--don’t BE mistaken-- yetthere IS something to BEsaid for regular and ordinary THE lobstertitillates THE palate, but so do eggsand bacon Home—IT IS morethan just rooms—IT IS where weunfold synonymous with THE soul'snourishment a place where we AREourselves with no pretensions—we feel whole Outside leftat THE door, everything important ISthere strings of life tightly woven by pulling us backrepeatedly Sustenance, security, and small comforts AREfound everywhere
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10/8/2017 1:15:03 AM Afolabi Muideen Posts: 1	More to what have been said. Prose poetry, POETRY,is no not just a written word put in line and stanza. A good poetry is written with rich poetic device.
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10/19/2017 4:47:41 PM Lanaia Lee Posts: 1	stay true to yourself write what is in your heart that way you will put passion into your work
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