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9/23/2017 5:03:30 AM Darren White Posts: 31	That must have been frightening, nightmarish. You ask for critique. You did your best to rhyme. But that forces you in a harness that feels forced. Sometimes it doesn't fit. Try to make the poem without rhyme. Also, you 'tell' what you feel. It would be more powerful if you could make us feel what's in your dream. I hope I make myself clear edited by dWite on 9/23/2017 edited by dWite on 9/23/2017
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9/23/2017 2:02:40 PM Darren White Posts: 31	A small part, an example only: "In this world, I was not dead nor alive Just the feeling of loss from a place deep inside There was a man, on a road, walking my way tall and slim, hair peppered with gray a dapper, distinguished, sorted type gent He moved like a time piece as he came by and went " My grey world, dead nor alive, lost in grief. He passed just like time did old, and distinguished, this man.
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