Poetry Forum
Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
9/19/2017 12:54:06 AM
Madison Parker Posts: 1
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This is one of my new free verse poems. It is just a baby, but I could use some feedback. xoxo
Scribbling
Knowing you was scribbling circles with
a pen that never had ink to begin with.
Tell me why you run barefoot from
something that's not even chasing you.
My God, your eyelashes are so black that
the sun refuses to play hopscotch off of them.
Maybe that's why you smile through your eyes;
your mouth is too busy choking up excuses.
A stranger asked me how I was and she meant it.
I wish that I could be like that again.
"Oh, I'm fine."
I wonder if that's how you felt
when I still cared about you. edited by madisonparker on 9/19/2017 edited by madisonparker on 9/19/2017
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9/19/2017 2:27:54 PM
Jack Webster Posts: 255
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I'm not sure who the speaker is talking about. Up until the we get past the word excuses, it feels like a mother's love poem to her child (which i really enjoyed!) cherishing the naivtee of her toddler. After that i felt very confused, and it felt like it became an attack instead of a poem.
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9/26/2017 10:19:43 AM
Carissa Marie Posts: 24
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I like this a lot! There were some parts where flow could be perfected, but I love the subject matter and word choice. Unlike Jack, I knew IMMEDIATELY what the poem was about and I liked the shift from romantic to angry to sad to resigned and hopeful, it was beautiful.
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