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9/8/2017 3:46:19 AM semianimem Caecus Posts: 4	whisper of mem'ries heart's clinging to the past thoughts linger like a broken clock stuck in time, wand'ring in limbo of two realities, defying the realm of now and then Thoughts free flowing to the days bygone moments of bliss but now beyond reach
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9/8/2017 3:53:53 AM semianimem Caecus Posts: 4	I want to write to poetry to express my emotions but I want it also to be good. I want to be better but I don't know where to start. I really need your opinions. English is not my first language and i'm not that much creative with words but I want to learn from you guys.
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9/10/2017 12:52:12 PM Jack Webster Posts: 255	Hi. I think you have a great start. "thoughts linger like a broken clock" is a very strong line - it uses a concrete detail to capture that time has stopped inside the speaker. It is very successful. You get how poetry works. "whisper of memories/ heart's clinging to the past" is a great musing, but these lines tell instead of show. Longing for love lost is a universal theme, but if its not expressed in an original or fresh way, with a genuine presence, it turns into a cliche. It would be better for the first two lines to begin with the speaker making contact with a concrete detail - seeing something, touching something, smelling something, hearing something, tasting something, that triggers the looking back Basil melted on my tongue. My thoughts lingered like a broken clock and turned back... then tie the concrete detail to the memory or experience. She sat across from me, basil impaled on her fork. She laughed as she put it in her mouth... You won't need to tell us about the heart, or longing. You can capture it all with how you describe the concrere details. All you need is to make it concrete instead of abstract. Your line about the clock already proves you know how to use concrete detail to express something intangible. you just need to do the same thing with the rest of the poem. Good luck!
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9/11/2017 10:34:22 PM semianimem Caecus Posts: 4	Thanks a lot, really appreciated your tips and suggestions. Actually, the poem is not yet finished. I felt a short rush to write but after writing few lines it suddenly expires, that's why it's still left unfinished. I can really use what I've learned from you, thanks a lot.
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9/14/2017 6:48:15 PM jack belck Posts: 12	The simplest way to start poetizing is to focus on yourself but then you're locked in. Try writing the poem describing someone else to give you distance and a fresh eye. Your gut feelings have to be turned into words that flow not gurgle.
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