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9/3/2017 10:10:14 AM ovbokhan okuonghae Posts: 1	I heard a loud sound Heavily the heart pound The sound wasn't cacophonic It was strange She must be in a rage Although she was out of range I could feel her pain It felt that she was being tamed But that wasn't the case It was a sound that begged for help A help that wasn't forth coming If only she could vanish Her image was already tarnished Because her worth had diminished This was meant to be relished Only If it was done the right way She was sorrounded not by people But with the red-like liquid Who will look at me? Who will respect me? She cried out! I am no more pristine I am rather disgusting I am empty I am rusting But this time, not by water nor by air nor acid But by man Man? I mean men They were mean But they were team They were teem They had no respect for me Even though I am thin They dragged me on the floor Not by my hands or legs But by my hair I could see right through them that it was their flair In turns they came To display their shame They were determined To reduce my fame And make nothing out of my name With the turn of the 9th 'animal' I was life less Not that I was dead But my life made no sense All I wanted was a license To end my life I screamed with all my strength Although it came from my depth It was inaudible Lord set my being on fire this was not the state of mind Victoria orenze was when She screamed Oh oh Lord set my heart on fire for you I just want to die
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9/3/2017 2:07:48 PM rachael wylie Posts: 4	Hey, I really like your poem, I can see theres a lot of emotion behind it. But you could improve it by trying to use more words that common people that dont have a large vocabulary can still understand. Also, dont let yourself focus all on rhyming, try and write down all your thoughts and then think about ways to rhyme. I often found myself putting sentences in just because they rhymed but they didnt necessarily have any meaning to the story that I was trying to convey. So just try and focus on the poem first and then try to piece things together, (this will also help you make less lengthy poems and make them have more depth.) If you ever need anything feel free to message me - rachael edited by plaingirl15 on 9/3/2017
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