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Forum Home » High Critique » be brutal :)

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/24/2017 1:44:35 AM

Sanja Cokolic
Posts: 13
Blue is the pluvious color

He said
remember me by the shape of my laugh
but I rarely saw a smile
climbing upon his image

left with no choice than
wrap those rare moments
seized with Polaroid seconds
I'm ordering them not to wear blue faces
as that was the only color he didn't want to follow him

consider it done

I'll lineup macarons in every tone
is possible to imagine
I'll spread gummy bears all over that
wooden plate which holds your body
so you can finally perceive
how it feels lying on the rainbow

yes
I'll pare down those blue shades
so that even rainbow cognises
how does it feel
being left
ripped

and no
there will be no rain
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8/24/2017 9:22:42 AM

Dean Wood
Posts: 31
Sounds like are real somber guy! I am not good with this form so I have no suggestions. I enjoyed this!
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8/24/2017 9:48:41 AM

Sanja Cokolic
Posts: 13
Thank you for the feedback
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9/3/2017 2:15:31 PM

rachael wylie
Posts: 4
I feel like it would make more sense if you said a pluvious colour as there are others, (purple, blue-green, etc.) Just a suggestion though, either way it sounds great!
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9/4/2017 8:47:42 PM

Elizabeth McCann
Posts: 3
Love the idea. I'd change only a few words. I found "climbing" hard, but really liked "no rain."
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9/6/2017 6:52:40 AM

Sanja Cokolic
Posts: 13
Thank you all
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