Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/23/2017 7:50:26 PM
Jessica Palmer
Posts: 3
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The tides come and go, as the moon says hello and goodbye.
The water rises and falls, as the sun comes to live and die.
She just treads on, drifting through the sea.
She just treads on, for weak she cannot be.
The sting of her betrayal brings tears that fall like rain;
The broken hopes of tomorrow bring a familiar pain.
She just treads on, drifting through the sea.
She just treads on, for weak she cannot be.
The storms of life come and go, the water rough at times.
The feeling of going under, and just like that the sun shines.
She just treads on, drifting through the sea.
She just treads on, for weak she cannot be
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8/31/2017 10:15:10 PM
Michael Vacek
Posts: 10
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Split it up abcb and organize stanzas
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8/31/2017 10:18:58 PM
Michael Vacek
Posts: 10
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Drop the connecting words
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8/31/2017 10:20:15 PM
Michael Vacek
Posts: 10
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Synchronize the tempo
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8/31/2017 10:20:51 PM
Michael Vacek
Posts: 10
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Keep the rhyme
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9/2/2017 1:50:01 PM
Indiana Shaw
Posts: 4
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The tides come and go - the moon says hello and goodbye
The water rises and falls - as the sun comes to live and die
She just treads on - drifting through the sea
She just treads on - for weak she cannot be
The sting of her betrayal - bring on tears that fall like rain
The broken hopes of tomorrow - brings an all familiar pain
She just treads on - drifting through the sea
She just treads on - for weak she cannot be
The storms of life come and go - the water rough at times
The feeling of going under and just like that the sun shines
She just treads on - drifting through the sea
She just treads on - for weak she cannot be
Center - Bold and Italic
Edited by Indiana.59 on 9/2/2017
edited by Indiana.59 on 9/2/2017
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