Poetry Forum

Forum Home » High Critique » Your suggestions please

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!

8/14/2017 7:06:05 AM Smita Singh Posts: 1	When it pains in the heart You just sit quiet in the corner Seeing them kissing and mingling Forgetting you like For them it never existed One day suddenly they wake up And realise you never were When they see you silently leaving It fumes them and they shout You are in pains To them it never occurs Suddenly as they forgot you They come with open hands for you Expecting you forgive and forget But never leaving the other If you cry or complain The whole blame is on you Can you do what they ask? Will you accept division of love? No not me, but may be I am wrong Will you help me to find my answer.
	• permalink • reply with quote
8/22/2017 12:52:28 PM Dean Wood Posts: 31	Smita, the message you are trying to deliver is clear but there were several things I noticed that detracted from you poem. 1. Wide spacing every line makes it hard to read and loses its effect quickly. Use line spacing to force the reader to pause or to emphasize a question or statement but do not over use it. 2. You have some grammatical problems and puncuation problems. Be sure to use a question mark with every question. Proof reading your poem before publishing will usually catch these. I think you wanted to say "You are in pain" rather than pains in one of your lines. Pay attention to those little things first and your work will improve greatly. Regards, Dean
	• permalink • reply with quote