Poetry Forum

Forum Home » High Critique » Devour Me

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!

7/31/2017 10:01:14 PM Tom Alan Quest Posts: 2	Pulse of life cannot exist Without our concentric synergy Propelled about through the mist Devour me. I only ask My bubble-gum My evening hum If not asking too much Do tear this shear I only need your touch To air out the fear And finally be. My lucky strike My gentle blaze Grape our love In nectar sweets Of gods’ haze And beaches’ breeze Seize me. Like I seize you In fragile devotion To memory. Yes, I commit To climbing your body Reaching summit. Day the night away This time With me. Our beams are one And so is our skin Harmonized in tone. My flicking harp My growing distance My grown apart Must show myself We’re not to be. The more I write The more I feel With time’s cruel beat The less it’s real. Our waves still merge No opacity In added layers Of make believe. Between vibrations of me and paper Fractalized into being By doing simply The fruits of labour Define me. Yet it is our love That I most seek Through amassed mounts Of moments hissed. Our passion fix Was never real Nor blew away Nor meant to be. My skinny thorn My poison ivy Maybe anyway But if never worn This love will surely Through apathy Against my yearning Destroy me. But as I live So do we Then we’ll make plans But as I live Devour me.
	• permalink • reply with quote
8/1/2017 11:37:45 AM Jenny Dillon Posts: 9	I really like the poem overall. I do however, feel that the first two lines and the line "between vibrations and paper," are a bit too long in comparison to the rest of the poem. Do you mind explaining to me how to post in this forum, because I would love some constructive criticism and feedback, but I cant figure out how to actually post my poem here in the first place :/ -- I don't have a signature.
	• permalink • reply with quote