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7/23/2017 11:42:52 AM Lewis Y. K Posts: 1	She Written by Lewis, Y.K She comes in darkness, in the space where only the sound of a whisper can be heard. I love her. I, desire her. Remembering her landscape of muted hues of pinks and black intermingled, drawn in the shadows of my dreams into a pool, of which I want to drink of, submerging myself into. My eyes gaze upon a scenic view that lingers in the darkness, shadows of the night being caught by the reflection of the gift that is before me. I’ve, stalked her. I’ve, wanted her. I’ve, wanted her to call my name. Call my name! Say, my name! I’ve wanted her over me. I’ve wanted her to make me her seat, I wanted her to nurse me from her breast flowing with the gift of life. I’ve found her. This unsuspecting girl, who has my heart, but another I belong. She, knows nothing of me.My longing for the first embrace, the warmth of her mouth to mine, hearing her breathing deeply as I caress her. Smelling the perfume of her scent as it permeates deep within me. Imaging feeling the waters flowing over me as she softly calling my name. Saying my name. She comes. She comes. Only in the whisper of my mind. She comes. edited by klewis2001 on 7/23/2017 edited by klewis2001 on 7/23/2017
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9/12/2017 7:53:30 PM Jack Webster Posts: 255	If you'll forgive me, I think this work can be heavily edited down to simply three lines: I've, stalked her. I've, found her. She comes. I apologize, but I'm not sure what the work is meant to express. I don't think it has a romantic tone; It is sexual/ lustful in nature, but not erotic (in my opinion); and, this is conlfated into the phrase "I've, stalked her" which amplifies any feel of disquiet the reader may have had up until that moment. The strongest aspect of the work is the author's willingness to be honest, and the author's fearlessness to share with the reader at an intimate level. However, I do not think the author has considered that the poem is a space the reader occupies, and what the reader's experience of the poem might be. I found the poem disquieting. If we wish to isolate a poetic musing, it would be the longing for someone one does not, cannot have. unrequited love. The ache. BUT - this is perhaps best expresses at a spiritual, romantic level. The incompleteness of ones life, the loneliness, the soul-tearning to be found. When the ache for someone is expressed only at a sexual level, and is even so bold as to use the phrase "I've, stalked her" the author should not be surprised if he ends up sounding like a stalker. I think there is a poem by John Keats "Blush Not So" that i think the author will enjoy and find edifying in addressing an erotic subject in an entertaining and romantic way. Pablo Neruda also has excellent love poems, and odes to lovers that record the beauty of their body in a romantic and soulful manner.
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