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Forum Home » High Critique » Sour-love Recipe

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
5/30/2017 5:43:41 PM

Mar'yam Thaoban
Posts: 2
Love

After all is just a word,

Boiled to mean feelings

Which can cut like a sword

Or simply leave one reeling

In ecstacy,

Or sane insanity.

It has a sweet taste too

Which only the heart can tell

But the body can feel

And the hands can touch too.

But it does go sour.

Yes! Indeed it does;

Add a little selfishness

A pint of forgetfulness

Large amount of lies,

Deciet or simple pretense.

Remember to add Lust

Which leaves love to rust,

You can add a little trust

That which already is lost.

Envy, anger and jealousy

Are to be added in large quantity.

Remember the all-mighty pride,

The only ingredient to set the tide

For a journey of no love lost.




©NobleHeart
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6/19/2017 7:57:34 PM

Graphite Drug
Posts: 81
This is an interesting idea. Did you use a recipe and insert your own words, like verbs for verbs; or nouns for nouns? Maybe not. I think if a poet writes good sentences she/he can't go wrong. Here's how I read it:




Love, after all, is just a word.
Boiled, it can have feelings that cut like a sword.
Love can leave wounded reeling in insanity.
Etc. Etc. . .
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