Poetry Forum
Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
5/5/2017 10:43:08 AM
Larry Freeman Posts: 1
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HE INCOGNIZANT DANCE WITH DEATH
Avoidance, denial, deception, delusion.
Thing's that we use to not see the conclusion.
The randomness of truth causes continual deflection,
due to constant reminders of our prevailing direction.
The life long endeavor, to attain a long life,
could end prematurely with the slip of a knife.
Whereas faith and hope are all that we have,
they are nothing more than a provisional salve.
Uncertainty dwells in the back of our minds,
The human condition and fear intertwined.
Here today, gone tomorrow,
Most of us wish for more time we could borrow.
The majority will do anything to keep on the blinders,
But just closing our eyes will remove few reminders.
There are 2 main certificates involved in this game, one for birth, one for death, but they sure aren't the same.
So live for today cuz you never do know,
Maybe tomorrow is the time you will go.
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5/6/2017 5:33:26 PM
Destiny Lawson Posts: 3
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Bengal tigers are beastly creations who are the fiercest. Especially when they are threatened, then they are nearest. Growling with joy of hearing whines; they're the biggest fighter around. All muscle, all teeth, all beast, all hustle; they are strong, they can bite, they can fight, they will win. Lots of hustle, lots of meat, lots of streaks, lots of muscle; they're not wrong, they're not right, they're not light, they're never pinned.
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5/7/2017 1:06:20 AM
Andy Morfett Posts: 9
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Some of your couplets work better than others. However, the last couple are so clumsily constructed that they undermine - and ruin - the whole poem. The use of 'cuz' instead of 'because' is unacceptable laziness, especially as it was unnecessary. 'Because' would have scanned just as well if you'd left out the word 'do' from the same line. Overall, a good effort, but take care with future works. edited by authorised1960 on 5/7/2017
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