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4/1/2017 12:16:51 AM Sarah Oliver Posts: 2	She wasn’t what I envisioned for myself at all A constant reminder of my failure She always looks right into my eyes and tells me that I wasn’t enough The doctors gave me a pill to make her go away But she still visits me while I sleep I can hear her tip-toe around my bed Her skin is white as snow and her hair looks like a spider web Her hands chill me as she claws at my side I cant breath She’s pulling me into her watery grave where I left her I’m drowning I’m so sorry! Come here let me fix your hair Come here let me wipe your tears I’m so sorry I should have never been a paramedic The truth is I can’t save anyone from drowning Not even myself You can live here now Safe inside my head Come lay beside me You can sleep in my bed edited by SBRYSON on 4/1/2017
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4/21/2017 12:38:28 PM Doug Vinson Posts: 102	Sarah, I like it. Somewhat mysterious, reflective of the sorrows that can be. Not much criticism from me - I see very little to comment on. "I cant breath" - I'd go ahead and stick the apostrophe in there. For many readers, the lack of it will be noticeable, at least slightly breaking the poem's rhythm. The line: "The doctors gave me a pill to make her go away" - I like this a lot. It could mean more than one thing.
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4/25/2017 6:38:33 PM Graphite Drug Posts: 81	Some very simple things to do: lose the word "that" in the second line; line 12, change to "I should never have been a paramedic." This is simple stuff that shouldn't be worried about. If you have poetic friends you swap stuff with they'll help you with these things. I like this poem. I'm guessing its an identity piece. Well done.
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