Poetry Forum

Forum Home » Be Gentle » Windows Of My Mind

Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!

2/2/2017 4:49:52 PM Jane Shields Posts: 4	The Windows Of My Mind I imagine that inside my mind Are cells made out of glass And trapped inside these tiny cells Are moments of my past And now and then they shatter To cause me grief and pain And bleed into my consciousness To take me back again The shards of glass are stabbing Causing me great pain So I retreat inside of me To build them once again Behind each tiny cell I see Hands banging to get out I try to stop the damage By stifling a shout No matter what I try to do I cannot make it cease The thumping and the hammering Just will not give me peace So yet another bleed begins Another spear of pain I'm taken back to times gone by And relive it again Then as the mist starts rising And the glass begins to clear My pounding heart can rest again And slowly ease my fear Some people they have triggers And know what breaks their glass They take avoidance if they can But not for me alas The windows are so fragile Can break at any time So I need to look after All the windows of my mind Jane Shields July 2016 edited by Jane Shields on 2/2/2017
	• permalink • reply with quote
2/2/2017 10:38:20 PM Dave McGahan Posts: 5	fragility like a fear of being exposed is a fear without reproach / I don't know anyone who truthfully doesn't fundamentally express this in some way, candid or hidden in someway. comedy helps, heals, demonstrates outwardly the human side. This is a wonderful poem by the way. I too am new here. I think it can be easy to miss the finer points of character that are built into memory that seem like cells of glass that can shatter / how else could most of us be lost. There is so much experience and from time to time may I suggest hard selfless work (which by the way is the most precious kind of hard work since it builds the character in the soul) yet it's easy to forget. The day was perfect because you were open to it whatever it brought, you saw the real beauty in something other than yourself, you were yourself in a sudden spontaneous way, And it felt real, And yeah, it felt really good. I really like the windows of my mind imagery, the fragility of emotion, the complex nature of now. Thank you! Peace!
	• permalink • reply with quote
2/24/2017 6:21:00 PM Doug Vinson Posts: 102	Very nice, Jane. It reads well - you have excellent rhythm, number of syllables per line, etc.
	• permalink • reply with quote