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Forum Home » High Critique » Beach Combing

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
5/6/2010 11:43:56 AM

Robb A. Kopp
Posts: 12
Fenced off with a comb
New age sand crab’s beachfront home
Cup of styrofoam



A Haiku By Robb A. Kopp
All Rights Reserved © MMX
edited by masterartisan on 5/6/2010
edited by masterartisan on 5/10/2010
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5/7/2010 10:03:06 AM

Corinne Curcio
Posts: 3
Made me smile. I like the rhymes, the humor. Really nothing to nitpick here.
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5/7/2010 10:17:33 AM


Posts:
Hi Robb, Your syllable count is perfect, your haiku is related to nature, and also as cute as can be, I can't think of a thing that you did wrong on this one. Wounderful haiku! Catie
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5/9/2010 11:03:14 PM

Charles Henderson
Posts: 5
The middle line is short one syllable. Count should be 7. Also Haiku is NOT supposed to rhyme. I understand some of the new age writers are not paying attention to syllable count as once were but I have not read anything about moving toward rhyme. lol Charles
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5/10/2010 8:14:59 AM

Robb A. Kopp
Posts: 12
Charles wrote:
The middle line is short one syllable. Count should be 7. Also Haiku is NOT supposed to rhyme. I understand some of the new age writers are not paying attention to syllable count as once were but I have not read anything about moving toward rhyme. lol Charles


Thanks....Something looked wrong
However Haikus are evolving as are the languages that write it.
edited by masterartisan on 5/10/2010
edited by masterartisan on 5/10/2010
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5/10/2010 1:03:10 PM

Chris D. Aechtner
Posts: 47
Remember the Haiku debate. Personally, I do not like Haiku/Senryu to rhyme....not because of any rules, just my own weird thing. BUT, this is probably one of my favorite rhyming Haikus that I have read. I like the imagery a lot, and can get a strong personal allegory from it. This is supposed to be a critique section, but I don't really see anything wrong with it. If I wanted to be really anal, and this was my own Haiku, I would drop the capitalization....but since you are trying to write Haiku under the premise of evolving it, you really don't need to even worry about that.
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