For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/6/2015 10:37:49 AM
Bob Atkinson
Posts: 294
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Pretense
- by Bob Atkinson
I read these lines of verse
unfounded in the least
why cannot someone tell them
not good poetry to read
their written biographies
go on and on and on
but,
when time comes to show strength
that idea has moved far onward
I say this not to puff my own
but, to strengthen all that's written
please, if you puff yourself
let me with your ideas be smitten
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8/11/2015 2:57:38 PM
Graphite Drug
Posts: 81
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Did you get some help from Yoda to write this? “Mmmm, not good poetry to read young Skywalker.” But on a more serious note, a good concept, but does need some work. Am a bit confused as to your mentioning of biographies. Are you requesting to be “smitten” by authors’ bios or by their confessional poems, or possibly both?
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8/19/2015 5:18:02 PM
Glory Winzer
Posts: 14
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Didn't come to read Poe and Frey. Had I wanted to read them, would have read them. Came to read YOUR poetry, and enjoyed 18 stoic faces.
The idea which you channel into the poem is excellent, unfortunately the delivery somewhat lacks. What form are you trying to use here? It seems to me you'd be better off either writing it in free verse, or making sure it rhymes consistently. Plus, your phrasing is off, and though there is a nice flow, you throw it off by tossing in a line that doesn't go with the meter. Other than technicalities, though, nicely done.
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8/20/2015 6:18:07 AM
James Horn
Posts: 5
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Glory Winzer wrote:
Didn't come to read Poe and Frey. Had I wanted to read them, would have read them. Came to read YOUR poetry, and enjoyed 18 stoic faces.
The idea which you channel into the poem is excellent, unfortunately the delivery somewhat lacks. What form are you trying to use here? It seems to me you'd be better off either writing it in free verse, or making sure it rhymes consistently. Plus, your phrasing is off, and though there is a nice flow, you throw it off by tossing in a line that doesn't go with the meter. Other than technicalities, though, nicely done.
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James Horn
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8/20/2015 6:22:22 AM
James Horn
Posts: 5
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Did we actually come under false pretense, when what we prefer is to make much sense. Our contents of each poem start thinking about. Let it enter your mind and try it out.
Am approaching writing 1,500 poems and being 20th on list of productive poets. Jim Horn
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James Horn
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8/20/2015 1:18:06 PM
Bob Atkinson
Posts: 294
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Glory, one of my points is that to be appreciated fully, and incorporated into our hearts, poetry
should be read over and over and over and over. Re-read 18 Stoic Faces over and over, you'll
get it soon. I've heard "Lyin' Eyes" by Henly and Frey (and seen them perform) over and over
on the radio. This is why songs outperform poetry consistently. When I hear of a poetry contest where only non-published poems qualify, I gag at the potential lost.
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8/25/2015 8:37:45 AM
Glory Winzer
Posts: 14
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I need not read the same lines twenty times when three will suffice just fine. Words are words and they seldom change from heartbeat to heartbeat. Please, do not compare reading poetry to listening to a song. Listening to a song, you can hear the emotion of every syllable, understand the tone by the musical phrasing. But with poetry, unless it is written very well, you must listen much harder to feel the poem.
Eighteen Stoic faces brings many questions and I greatly dislike poems that leave you with too many questions about the poem. It leaves a dissatisfied feeling.
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8/25/2015 9:35:50 AM
Bob Atkinson
Posts: 294
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Glory, hate to break the news to you, but song lyrics are poetry. Poetry was sung long before it was read. 18 Stoic Faces is a true story. Written to compare the popularity of your "Poetry" Ginsberg et al, with the Eagles' "Lyin' Eyes." I wrote that narrative in the hopes of influencing those who create junk and profess stardom. Each of us are subjective in our appreciation of style. Many don't like mine, I don't like a lot of the rot we have thrust upon us "Poe, Ginsberg" again. Google: Poetry Critic ---- read, and you'll understand where I'm coming from. Regards
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8/25/2015 7:45:41 PM
Glory Winzer
Posts: 14
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Yes, Atkinson. Song lyrics are often poetry in nature. I was attempting to state that hearing something sung in music is much different than reading it. In many ways music is more expressive than words can be.
Perhaps I shall check where you're coming from...
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9/1/2015 9:51:36 AM
Bob Atkinson
Posts: 294
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Glory, thank you for your thoughtful comments, illustrates what's wrong with current MFA programs in creative writing. They ignore purpose in the name of form. Form, to my mind is irrelevant. Effect is key. To harp on something's rhyme, or meter, diverts attention from what's being said, and the meaning of such. Rhythm's an essential element in poetry, rhyme not so.
"
"... rhythm
ˈriT͟Həm/
noun
noun: rhythm; plural noun: rhythms
a strong, regular, repeated pattern of movement or sound.
A rhyme is a repetition of similar sounds (or the same sound) in two or more words, most often in the final syllables of lines in poems and songs."
Glory Winzer wrote:
Didn't come to read Poe and Frey. Had I wanted to read them, would have read them. Came to read YOUR poetry, and enjoyed 18 stoic faces.
The idea which you channel into the poem is excellent, unfortunately the delivery somewhat lacks. What form are you trying to use here? It seems to me you'd be better off either writing it in free verse, or making sure it rhymes consistently. Plus, your phrasing is off, and though there is a nice flow, you throw it off by tossing in a line that doesn't go with the meter. Other than technicalities, though, nicely done.
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9/24/2015 12:31:41 PM
K.M North
Posts: 97
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and back at this we are...{stops, finds wall, pounds head repeatedly}
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9/25/2015 4:08:46 AM
Bob Atkinson
Posts: 294
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Reisenhoffer wrote:
and back at this we are...{stops, finds wall, pounds head repeatedly}
Yes North, until it sinks in that universal purpose, and non-triteability are essential elements of poetry. From what I've read, this idea hasn't sunk in as of yet. Production of cellulose requiring a higher temperature hasn't abated. A sad situation for those wishing for poetry's respect by the public. 8,000,000 vs 18 fans of a poem says it all. The meaning of one poem with 8,000,000 fans vs. another with 18 (mostly friends and relatives) has got to sink in some day. Until then will champion the idea, if even to inert brick walls. Regards North, Bob
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10/6/2015 12:06:51 PM
K.M North
Posts: 97
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Hey since you rewrote one of mine. here's yours:
Pretense
- by Bob Atkinson
I read these lines of verse
unfounded in the least
why cannot someone tell them
not good poetry to read
their written biographies
go on and on and on
but,
when time comes to show strength
that idea has moved far onward
I say this not to puff my own
but, to strengthen all that's written
please, if you puff yourself
let me with your ideas be smitten
Pretense-Bob Atkinson as rewritten by someone who can actually write.
My name is Bob and I've got zero god damn clue on how to write or what anyone with half a brain would call good writing.
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10/7/2015 4:08:18 PM
Bob Atkinson
Posts: 294
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Reisenhoffer wrote:
Hey since you rewrote one of mine. here's yours:
Pretense
- by Bob Atkinson
Love ya north, although can fathom where you're coming from. Google: poetry critic
read the entire first entry. Then say what you said again. Chuckle
I read these lines of verse
unfounded in the least
why cannot someone tell them
not good poetry to read
their written biographies
go on and on and on
but,
when time comes to show strength
that idea has moved far onward
I say this not to puff my own
but, to strengthen all that's written
please, if you puff yourself
let me with your ideas be smitten
Pretense-Bob Atkinson as rewritten by someone who can actually write.
My name is Bob and I've got zero god damn clue on how to write or what anyone with half a brain would call good writing.
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10/13/2015 8:15:41 AM
K.M North
Posts: 97
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So your website comes up? Once again, YOUR website. A blog none-the-less. I can call myself a King and make a blog about it. Doesn't make it true man. Take your meds, go back to bed and try again tomorrow
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10/13/2015 7:28:13 PM
Bob Atkinson
Posts: 294
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North, keep quiet until you graduate from high school.
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10/16/2015 8:24:41 AM
K.M North
Posts: 97
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Graduated thanks. High marks and I saved Hogwarts. Once again when someone questions what you say you have zero comments worth stating. I'm wondering if you're just done with all of this or if you're secretly a masochist and enjoy getting your butt handed to you each and every time you open your ignorant mouth
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10/17/2015 2:20:05 PM
Bob Atkinson
Posts: 294
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North, trolls amuse me, don't bother me in the least. Especially if their poetry contains more
the's, iszes, are's, waszes, werezies, and that's words than ideas.
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10/20/2015 7:19:50 AM
K.M North
Posts: 97
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Trolls? Good name. Did you just use Urban Dictionary? Dumb wanna-be poets don't bother me as long as they keep their ignorant mouths and minds out of other peoples works and keep their dumb-assery to themselves. Do that and we will get along just fine
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10/22/2015 7:41:40 AM
K.M North
Posts: 97
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Trolls? is that you're new "wow" word? Funny though cause no talent, ignorant "critics" amuse me. So I guess we have something in common in absolutely disliking each other on the very grounds that we don't see eye to eye, and you know that makes me smile. I've never been happier to disagree with someone
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