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2/11/2011 7:41:16 AM

A Rambling Righting Riley - Shauna Riley
Posts: 1
I have wanted to share this story that I shared when I did jail ministry. It really helped the ladies in there and I hope that it will help someone on here too.

Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}Yawn. Ugh, is it time to get up already? I could really use an extra 30minutes sleep but I might as well get up. Coffee…..coffee….got to get somecoffee in me. A shower will help wake me up….maybe.

Now what to wear….it’s supposed to be warm today…..I think kapris and mygreen top. Sounds good. Man my hair is curling good today! Put on some of mymakeup and my favorite green earrings to match. Don’t forget a little perfume.Yeah…..I look pretty decent today.

Okay I got my cell phone, purse keys…..oh great. This is the part ofevery morning I hate…..putting on my shoes.
No matter how hard I try to look good, these shoes always make me lookbad. I can never feel pretty or confident in these nasty things. They have beenthrough so much that they are nothing more than a ratty, worn out pair ofshoes. Now they don’t look good with anything I wear. Any type of stain you canimagine….grass, grease, mud, dust, food, and other stains I’d rather not knowhow they got there.
It seems so long ago when I first got them. Aaah getting a new pair ofshoes. You know what I am talking about! There is just something between awoman and a new pair of shoes. What it feels like when your feet slip into themfor the first time. Excitement, glee, like a kid with a new toy. You want towear them out the first chance you get to show them off. No matter what youwear, you will do whatever you can to incorporate those shoes. You make sure toask your friends, “What do you think about my new shoes? Nice huh?” You holdyour head a little higher…..”Yep….me and my new shoes”. You feel like yourshoes are a secret source of power, confidence, like Dorothy and the rubyslippers. New shoes are dependable. I knew they would get me to wherever I wasgoing, no matter the obstacles.
I was careful too though. I made sure to step AROUND the mud puddles, youcan forget the rain. I made sure they didn’t get scuffed up. I didn’t like foranyone to touch them or mess with them in any way. But occasionally they would getsomething on them here or there. But I scrubbed them and the spots came out.With time though, being careful was harder and harder. Some of those stainswould come out as easy. I would scrub with all my might and finally it wouldcome out. But it seemed like the stains would seep in a little moreeverytime. One day it seemed no matterhow hard I tried, things kept happening to my shoes. I scrubbed so hard untilmy fingers were raw and I was crying because I couldn’t scrub all the stainsaway. I threw them in the wash but it was still there. I tried every kind ofstain remover you could think of but this time it left it’s mark. My shoes wereno longer untouchable. See what I didn’t know was each stain left a little ofitself behind. As long as someone didn’t look close enough, you couldn’t tellit was there. But the more stains and the more dangerous terrain my shoesencountered, the harder it was to get them clean. Once I realized they wouldnever be the same, I stopped caring about them as much. No matter what layahead, I just trekked on through it. I was careless.
One day as I was tying my shoes, the shoestring broke. I guess all thepulling, tugging, and washing, the shoestrings finally gave away and broke. SoI just got the broke ends and tied them together as a temporary fix.
Some time had past and my shoes had seen a lot……a lot of good times butmore bad times. Somehow they survived. Every morning I would put the same shoeson before going out the door. They were now frayed around the edges, a hole inmy left shoe where my pinkie toes pokes out a little, green tinted where Imowed in them (I didn’t care anymore). The shoelaces broke some more so finallyI wrapped some duct tape around my shoes to do what the shoelaces no longercould. The soles are the worst. They have been worn thin with some holes. Thetop part of my right shoes, the sole is split. I tried superglue but it wasn’tthat super. Anytime it rains or I get my shoes wet, it soaks my feet. My shoesjust don’t resist anything anymore.
I would come home with blisters worn on my feet. Everyday my feet achedto bad! I tried getting a pedicure once a week but even that couldn’t stop thedamage the shoes were doing to my feet. Eventually though, my skin got toughand my feet were no longer vulnerable to blisters and I got accustomed to thepain. I lived with it everyday so I just built up a tolerance.
Just when I thought my shoes couldn’t hurt me anymore, they hurt me in adifferent way today. I went to the store and some people laughed at me. Theylook at me and from the feet up saw a decent woman but when they really lookedand saw my shoes, they busted out laughing, pointing. You see all they couldsee was how awful my shoes looked. They couldn’t see the rest of me that lookedgood. All they cared about now was how dirty I looked with those shoes. My shoes stopped them dead in their tracks.Now they will never know the real me because all they can see is dirt.
I stormed off, more mad than ever. What did they expect me to do? I wasstuck with these shoes and unfortunately they became a part of who I was. Ifeel like I trapped with them. I have tried everything I can think of to fixthem, repair the damage they have been through but nothing has worked.
I came in the house and angrily took my shoes off and threw them acrossthe room. They bounced off the wall and my sole on my right shoe fell to thefloor. My shoes had finally had it. They belonged in the trash now. I fell downon the ground and gathered the shoes in my arms and cried. These things hadcarried me through so much.
As much as I despise these ratty things, after a while, I didn’t feelnormal without them. There is nothing more I can do to salvage my shoes thathave been literally attached to me for years. There is no way someone can fixthis much damage……. No way!!!
Jesus – Don’t be afraid, I am with you and I am the Ultimate Repairman!I’m a safe-house for the battered ones!! (Psalm 9:9)
There is no hope for these shoes! They have been nothing but a burden andjust continue to hurt me anyways!
Jesus – Haven’t you heard? I am the Creator and I don’t get tired andworn out. Are you tired and worn out? Come to me and I will give you rest. Walkwith me and work with me. Watch how I do it. I won’t lay anything heavy on youfor I have seen your paths. I will wash and anoint your feet and heal the pain.I know these shoes inside and out and I know your pain. (Is. 40:28-31, Matt.11:28-30)
If you know them inside and out then you know where I’ve been…..alot ofbeaten paths, wrong turns, filthy places…..I tried so hard to be careful! Notstep in puddles, not to get stains on them. I tried so hard but it seemed theharder I tried, the more rough the terrain. I scrubbed so much and triedeverything to others wouldn’t see what these shoes were covered in.
Jesus – Don’t worry….I will cleanse and wash them white as snow. Itdoesn’t matter how worn and damaged, storms they’ve weathered, places they’vebeen because I will replenish them. I will restore and renew the busted sole. Iwill give strength to the broken laces, the weak spots. I will filter out allthe dirt and grime, even the stuff deep down so that when others see you, theywill no longer see these stains, the holes, the tattered edges. (Romans 2:16) Iwill smooth those rough edges and put them back together stitch by stitch, putthings right. I can do what none of those industrial strength cleaners coulddo. I will make them safe and secure. (Ps. 11:7) I will breathe life into them!I will make them like new again.
Please. Take a good look God. I haven’t been able to look life in theeye. I haven’t been able to hold my head up high. My confidence has beendestroyed. I feel as if I am running an endless race. I’m so exhausted oftrying. I’ve been kicked around long enough and these feet have gotten sotangled.
Jesus – I know all about the trouble and grief but I won’t let you down.I will make those shoes stable and secure. I will shield you on all sides fromanything touching what I have washed clean. I will ground your feet, lift yourhead high and walk tall and steady. (Ps. 3:3-8). You will look in the mirrorand no longer see ugliness, brokenness, scars, wounds that seem to never heal.You will see what I see. You will see the woman you were made to be.
It seems I will be doing good for a while and then I get tripped up andit just does more damage. I can’t seem to take a step forward without takingtwo steps back. Something is always there…
Jesus - I will chart the road you take and direct your steps to a life oflove and joy. (Psalm 1:6, Prov. 16:9). My directions will get you safelythrough those rough spots. The paths I will lead you down will be paths ofrighteousness. My signposts are clear and point out the right road, showing youthe way to joy. My directions are plain and easy on the eyes (Ps. 19:7-9). Myroad stretches straight and smooth, easy on your feet. My directions areroad-tested. Everyone who runs toward me makes it. I will clear the groundunder you so you will stand firm. You shall run and not grow tired. Trust meand walk in faith.
I fall down, I stumble, but I have always kept going. But it gets harderand harder. Sometimes I wonder if it would just be easy to stay down……my feetfeel so heavy sometimes. I feel like life is after me, nipping at my heels,determined to bring me down and rip me apart.
Jesus - I will never let you down. I will never let you be pushed pastyour limit. Even in the storms, don’t be afraid for I will be with you alwaysand comfort you (Ps. 23:1-6). Stay on mytrail and put one foot in front of the other. Don’t give up. I am your refuge,the bedrock under your feet.
I will put these shoes back together and you will be light on your feet.

A friend asked me one day, “Wouldn’t it have been easier to just have goneand bought a new pair of shoes and thrown those away?” I told her no becauseeverytime I wore those shoes it reminded me of the roads I have traveled, thecondition the shoes used to be in and I found comfort and peace knowing that Inever had to worry about going back there again and never worry about themfalling to pieces because the Ultimate Repairman knew them inside and out andrestored them!
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8/22/2011 9:07:56 PM

rebecca ladue
Posts: 14
And your right about that,,,never give up!!!
my name is becca im 29 an ive got two kids my son is 12 an my girl is 3 they are what keep me going,,,a few yrs back i was with the wrong person at the wrong place at the wrong time,,, i hitched a ride to the store with what i thought was a friend,,she lived next door an my car was broke down so i went with her,,well little did i know until later that she had a stolen credit card an had been using it for a few days an the police had been watching her,,so when we came out of the grocery store we were surrounded,,an i freaked out ,,like what the hell is going on,,i said to her,,of course she played dumb,,cuz come to find out shes a con artist an that the only reason she took me with,,was to blame it all on me,,but that didnt last long,,truth always prevails,,but what did happen was in this process my son was 8 at the time an he was temporarily removed from me due to this situation,,let me tell you this system is so messed up,,yeah i had problems but they had no idea until this unfortunate situation came about,,,so since then ive been fighting to get my son back,,,ive battled with drugs in the past but im better than that now, im about to unleash my current mission statement an shed some light on the quote,"never give up",,cuz im living proof,,,but besides this anit the half of it,,growing up my father molested me for the first few yrs of my life, and here an there he tried to approach me when i was there on vacation cuz my parents were seperated,,an get this,,,i was so unaware i didnt even no that it was wrong untill i started middle school an was told thats not supposed to happen,,so i confronted him about it an asked him why he did this to me and he said,,well becca your mother ws never around,,i dont care who you are theres never a good enough reason to do this too any child or person for that matter,,so you can imagine , i freaked out an came out with what was happening to me,,so im sure you could imagine what thats gotta do to a kids mind,,so i underwent alot of years of therapy to overcome this an i had to re-learn everything that was family orriented cuz i thought that was normal,,,so it ended up leading me to rebel,,drug use,,boys, the first time i had sex i got pregnant,,so to make a long story short heres my plan im now in the process of getting him back,an this was my assignment for this week my mission statement,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,my current goals are to stay clean, andont let anything get in my way, no excuses or distractions...im reaching high an keeping my hopes even higher..i want my recovery to be the best experience possible, its not going to be easy,but then again nothing that you want thats worth working hard for, ever is..ive got to stay stong not only for myself, but for my kids,family an friends as well..there all ive got. ive got to make amends with the people that i may have hurt or let down in the past an make things right with them, an forgive those who have hurt me in the past or done me wrong,, hold onto my faith an belive that anything is possible,, i cant let drugs act as a crutch for me anymore there are much more important values an morals in life that need tending to,, i need to focus my time,energy,an determination on these areas in my life its my life an i only get one life, im a mother an they only get one mom...so for myself an for them i need to be here. in a posative manor an be there rolemodel an mentor an lead them on a righteous path in this beautiful experience an journey called life,show them what its all about..if i were to continue down this selfdisrtucting path then i wouldnt be able to enjoy the wonders of life an see just how good things can be ,if you want it bad enough..an be able to be keep what ive created an brought into this world,two beautiful lifes an there all mine,an i want to keep it that way always an forever,i need to own it an stand up for what i belive in an thats myself,my decisions,my actions and my choices..i now can completely trust myself not to use no matter what the situations that i may be in the presence of at the time..i trust that i can remember the values in life an keep fighting everyday..NEVER GIVE UP...for what im living for...

im working on rebuilding a relationship with my father that i havent seen or talked to in 16 yrs..i recently found him an have been writng him,,ive given him forgiveness an let him back in my life an he has excepted,,it been very diffivult but i belive good things come in time,,i never though my whole life growing up that id ever be able to do this but i have to if i want to get better,,hes done alot of hurt an wrong to me an theres still alot of pain an anger in me,,for that im trying to let it go,let go of all the anger an frusterations inside of me my heart an soul, i need him for closure in this chapter in my life,,so i can move on with a much more powerful an posative outlook on life,,i need not hold these feelings in any longer,,yes hes to blame but im past it now,only i can fix my life now,of course hes gonna have a part in helping along the way,,but slowlly,,i will need i bit of his help in this area,,i need his reassurance,comfort.,an undivided an unconditional love, when he is capable to do so, it will give me so much joy,pride, an justice,,im so very proud of myself an how far ive come an how well ive handled the situation,,,NEVER GIVE UP,,its been a long time coming,an long overdue,,he told me hes so proud of me,as well as ive always been a fighter,an very strong willed,an i belive that,,everyone makes mistakes im not a bad person i just made some bad choices,, i fell off the bandwagon an it was a bit hard for me to climb back up,,but now that im on top again, im going to remain here,im not going anywhere or get pushed,pulled or fall off ever again,self guilt is one of the most horrible feelings a person can feel..what made me feel really good recently was my father saying to me that ive turned into a jewel of a young lady,an no man let alone my father has ever complimented me in such a lovely fashion,,when he told me this i felt like i was on top of the world an that i could do anything,,an i havent seen him in 16 years,,just by writing an talking back an forth hes perseaved me right,,an i love him even more for that,,

i dont really have any big plans as far as a career goes,im just gonna keep with the good job that i have on clearwater bch fl its where i live as well ,im a reservationist at two resorts,,,an keep on being the good mom that me an my kids know i am,,continue to lead them in the right directions,,an focus focus focus on me me me,,an do what i need to do to be the best that i can be,,an try to enjoy the fruits of life,, they say when life gives you lemons make lemonaid,,well thats just what im doing making sweet sweet lemonaid,,an im sharing it with everyone,,, it feels so good to know that i can think so clearly now,,an there no more obsticles in my way,,well for now,,im sure something will come along an try to test me,,but im not having anything to to with it or for it,,im against it an wont have it anymore... all its done is ruin everything good in my life an now im reastablishing an reproving my capabilities,,an i shouldnt of had to prove myself in the first place,,but i chose drugs over the ones i loved,an now im so very sorry for that,,ive seen what it does not only to my family an friends,but others i know who havent changed for the better as well,,an i dont want to end up like that because most of them are dead or in prison or have lifelong diseases,,,im much better than that..an nothings gonna ever change that,,i actually want to help others who have had the similar issuses that ive been thru,,help them learn an discover all that i have,,,i guess tha could be another goal in my life,,to help girls who have been sexually abused an battled with drugs,,an the effects it can have on your life if you dont realize your condition an continue to self sabbatoge,,an realize the different cenerios that could happen if they continue there self distructing ways,,an try to help them learn about it an see the consequences of there actions if they dont change,,make them want to live for something,,an be a stronger individual an not let the demons in this cruel world get the best of them,,that would fufill a great void for me,,it would give me great justice to know that i made a difference in someones life,,all because of what ive been through..an learned the difference an brought change into my life,,change is good,,an i want to spread it like a disease an tell the whole world,,my name is rebecca.l. an im an addict,, an this is what i want to say,, an just let it all out an be free,,as free as i can be..live laugh,,love an enjoy thats all i want in life,,i have a quote:::
being alone,
when you've never been alone before,
yeah its a scary thought,
but then , people have thought all the time,
dont they???
so when im feeling down or just under the weather,, an we all get this way sometimes,,just remember your not the only one,,an there are people who care about you,,you've just gotta open your eyes,,cuz they have been there the whole time,,waiting for you with open arms,,so make a move an get going,,its time to live,,stay strong,an be happy,,keep on keepin on,,on that note im rebecca,l, an this is my mission statement i hope it has been worthy of sheding some light into someone elses life,,,dont worry be happy,,,and,,,NEVER GIVE UP,,,
edited by becca131313 on 8/26/2011
edited by becca131313 on 8/26/2011
edited by becca131313 on 8/26/2011
edited by becca131313 on 8/29/2011
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9/5/2011 2:41:02 PM

rebecca ladue
Posts: 14
ive been fighting an arguing alot w/my man things r a litlle rough right now,,,im oretty much over his crap..i need to breathe,,im doing all that i can do right now,,,an then some...but its like im in a catch 22 situation,,im damned if i do an im damned if i dont...ive staying clean,,working mu ass off an everything in between,,,raising my two kids ...i dont have time for the nonsense...hes about 2 b out the door if he keeps it up..cuz i cant handle all of the negative energy....hes supposed to be here for me an support all of my life changing experiencesan be ther 4 me no matter what...so whats a girl supposed 2 to do,,,im at my witts end
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