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6/3/2015 5:59:14 PM Rose Yohn Posts: 11	I would like some honest critique of this work. Please I had that dream again last night, The one that leaves me crying. He tells me im not good enough, And i should just quit trying. I was just a pawn in his hand, To use then cast away. He gets inside my head and plays these little games. He made me believe that I was wanted. He told me that he loved me, and he was here to stay. But all he did was use me, And then he walked away. Now im left here broken, saying its my fault. Its really hard to talk about, Because no one understands. Whats its like to be abandoned by your dad again. To want his love for nine strait years, To be the perfect daughter. To be for him all that i can be. Just to have him walk away. No one can see me breaking, Or the pain that this has caused. I look fine on the outside, and say that nothings wrong. Because im the strong one that never breaks, Everyone counts on me, to make everything else go away. So I bottle up my demons, and cast them all away. Let no one know what im feeling. Because, see that just my way. So i walk around with this fake smile on my face. Knowing that one day he will see, The daughter that i could be, The daughter that he lost. As i look toward tomorrow for a better day. Because when i look around i know im loved By people who mater to me, My mother, my brother, and my sisters to. And by a stepfather who means the world to me. So I can proudly say to him. To Mark Who needs a fathers love like your anyway edited by amara-rose on 6/3/2015
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6/16/2015 9:02:00 PM JULIAN HAWKINS Posts: 3	nice,
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6/22/2015 4:06:35 PM K.M North Posts: 97	Thanks for the submission. A few things {since this is the high critique part of things}. It feels like almost a diary entry to me. So many sentences, I'd say to maybe re-write and see what you could do with possibly combining some sentences and seeing what you could get rid of. I liked some of the wording and imagery. The only problem I had was the actual spelling of some things. These are just suggestions and I don't want to seem like I didn't like, cause it was good and definitely had heart {which is the main thing I look for in anything} just those few things. Good luck-K.M
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1/14/2021 3:58:15 AM bobfily Posts: 12	This is a great idea for dreamers. I liked the main idea of the poem.
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1/14/2021 4:15:08 AM lafnian1990 Posts: 6	Let America Be America Again America be America again. Let it be the dream it used to be. Let it be the pioneer on the plain Seeking a home where he himself is free. (America never was America to me.) Let America be the dream the dreamers dreamed— Let it be that great strong land of love Where never kings connive nor tyrants scheme That any man be crushed by one above. edited by lafnian1990 on 1/14/2021 edited by lafnian1990 on 1/14/2021
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