Poetry Forum

Forum Home » High Critique » To hear the sickle reap

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!

5/27/2014 10:12:19 AM Gabe Shelly Posts: 95	What is it like in that moment before the end-- When the abyss stares at you through and through-- I'd think you'd not know-- To hear the sickle reap To hear the sickle reap 5/25/'14 edited by Gabe on 5/27/2014 edited by Gabe on 5/27/2014
	• permalink • reply with quote
6/18/2014 11:27:37 AM Luann Pfost Posts: 15	I feel the last two lines do not fit together in a grammatical sense. i think either line three should read something more like ... I'd think you'd not want-- or if you left line three alone then line four should read something like ... when the sickle reaps edited by Dunesong on 6/18/2014
	• permalink • reply with quote
7/5/2014 10:03:31 AM cheryl higgins Posts: 12	I agree - there's a bit more intensity with "when", because it makes something actually happen, than does "to". "To hear" is meaningless in this instance, I think. edited by clhiggins on 7/5/2014
	• permalink • reply with quote
7/7/2014 12:06:34 AM Gabe Shelly Posts: 95	I really do appreciate it when people take the time to give me their opinion," Thank-you for that." Now why did I use the word "to" instead of "when"... because the narrator or poet is pondering these thoughts to themselves. In poetry, nothing has to be grammatically correct... nothing has to follow a set of meters... in poetry all that matters is that you feel are understood by others, and by writing you were able to release some piece of yourself from your "Mind's-Eye" down onto the written page. To me writing poetry is like writing a song, if I didn't write it that way it was because I couldn't hear it.
	• permalink • reply with quote
7/7/2014 7:17:38 PM cheryl higgins Posts: 12	Hi - There's something we don't realize we don't need to do, when starting to write poetry, and its that "dot, dot dot" at the end of a line. You made some dashes. In poetry, you don't need anything at the end of a line, except a period if its the end of a thought or sentence. The end of a line in poetry implies a breath, a pause, a comma. No commas at the end of a line, no dots, no dashes. We know you want us to pause, and we do, because you chose that line ending. Give your reader some credit! We know how to let a pause breathe!
	• permalink • reply with quote
7/7/2014 7:21:36 PM cheryl higgins Posts: 12	Here's my take on the form for the poem: What is it like in that moment before the end? When the abyss stares you through? I'd think you wouldn't know When the sickle reaped. edited by clhiggins on 7/7/2014
	• permalink • reply with quote
7/7/2014 11:02:24 PM Gabe Shelly Posts: 95	True-- you do not need anything at the end of a line of poetry, but when I write 'the greater the mark, the longer the stare...' That even though I write in free verse there is a hidden rhythm in my poems if you say them aloud to yourself. If there is no mark at the end of a line, then you just shoot on through to the next. Yet, if there is, say, a comma, then you take a quick breath-- like a one/eighth rest in music (if I remember right). If there's say a dash at the end of a verse, then you take a greater pause with the greatest being the period. That's how I write. I'm not like Frost who will write whole reams of poetry without writing one thing at the end of his verses-- and he made great poetry but awful music. Writers-- very unique writers can tell stories on paper that can be as boring as spit, but they hold you so tightly so strongly that you are addicted to reading page after page of their work. This is because they can write music down with words that just sing to you. For me one of these writers is Bill Bryson, and his ideas of a good book bore the hell out of me. He wrote a book about where did we get all the names for everything in the United States. Good Gawd! And I bought it! And I read page after page-- me... I'd rather read up on Frank Miller and his "Sin City" or Batman in the "Dark Knight Returns"! Yet, there I was learning that as Americans the reason so many states have cities and towns of the same name is because basically our forefathers weren't very imaginative. To this day whenever, I'm at a bookstore I always ask about him.
	• permalink • reply with quote