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10/22/2010 6:44:50 PM Eleanore Bourner Posts: 17	Choking and pulling down Into the water that I may drown This sorrow and agony Taking hold and over me I try to scream but am unable to I try to reach out to you Darkness and pain begins to appear How hard I cry without shedding a tear My heart twisted and torn to shreds Leaving me now feeling dead Pulled down underneath please tell me if it's ok.... edited by eleanore13 on 10/22/2010
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10/26/2010 6:54:11 AM Charles Melody (Lightning Ink) Posts: 1	eleanore13 wrote: Choking and pulling down Into the water that I may drown This sorrow and agony Taking hold and over me I try to scream but am unable to I try to reach out to you Darkness and pain begins to appear How hard I cry without shedding a tear My heart twisted and torn to shreds Leaving me now feeling dead Pulled down underneath please tell me if it's ok.... edited by eleanore13 on 10/22/2010 yea,its far too ok. -- Charles melody
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11/21/2010 11:12:52 AM Reason A. Poteet Posts: 9	Choking and pulling down Into the water that I may drown This sorrow and agony Taking hold and (suffocating) me I try to scream but am unable to I try to reach out to you Darkness and pain begins to appear How hard I cry without shedding a tear My heart twisted, (I hold on to each shred) Leaving me now feeling dead Pulled down underneath Two suggestions to consider. (see above) Also since you've chosen to not use punctuation, I would leave off the capital letters, unless you just happen to like them...just a matter of consistency. But it is your nature, go for it. Substantial piece on suffocation, overwhelming feelings of helplessness. I like the rhyme and the use of lines instead of prose. edited by Reason A. Poteet on 11/21/2010
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