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Forum Home » High Critique » Gone Jullie

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
7/23/2013 12:40:15 PM

Ako Henshaw
Posts: 2
Say me well to Venus,
Moribund lights shines upon us.
In the eyes of meager Love now sees us.
As an angel to his wings was I to you.
A blend in molten that of gold and diamond;
Though a combination, now a matt face in response.

Who is she truthfully.
She stays and calls herself Jullie.
All angels amused in view of a paragon.
Save a bemused man at sight.
What fresh berry taste from thy lips.
A pumpkin shape has her hips
And imagine a tight situation in crimson light

So nice sounding it was pellucid
Ebbs and flows came in time.
Together of him we bore not in mind.
Move on! Yes Move on in his path.
Tears and all lone me is his wrath.

A new berry lips to taste.
Please Jullie let it go in haste
Your lips! Oh your lips seeming so now transparent.
Reason light in mind with you as a wraith.
Save it in all the hates
In he that took you away named Hades.
I sang quiet and mood remorsefully.
Because us………We’re Gone Jullie!!!!
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