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6/18/2010 6:29:27 PM Rosie La Puma Posts: 2	0 0 0 Her fingers are as thin as lace Her eyes a milky blue A web of hair surrounds her face Her aim is strong and true She lifts the thread up expertly And now a life begins She has no map to look upon The loom not marked nor pinned She pulls new colors from the shelf Pink for love, red for hate The pattern twists around itself A patterned, tangled fate The blanket sets itself aright The weaver adds new string The colors briefly faced to white As Life encounters a ring Brighter patterns come to play As baby colors light the loom The weaver starts to add some gray As the blanket gathers gloom One short line is colored black Another soul has fled The finished life laid on the rack, The Weaver cuts the thread
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6/18/2010 6:30:09 PM Rosie La Puma Posts: 2	Sorry for the weird 0's at the beginning- I can't figure out how to make them disappear. :P
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6/19/2010 1:14:42 PM Oleg Borisov Posts: 9	There are a lack of dots, commas etc. in the poem. It lacks for punctuation marks! The rhythmical arrangement of the poem is clumsy. If a certain metrical foot is taken in the first stanza: 1. Her /fingers /are as /thin as /lace, 2. Her /eyes a /milky /blue, 3. A /web of /hair sur/rounds her /face, 4. Her /aim is /strong and /true. It should be kept in the rest of stanzas but not in yours: 9. She /pulls new /colors /from the /shelf, and I stumbled over it, 10. /Pink for /love, /red for/hate. because the first syllable is stressed. There are full rhymes in the poem except the second stanza, where rhymes, as expertly - upon and begins - pinned stand out from the rest: they are NOT full rhymes and it does NOT produce an additional melodic effect. A poem should be recited in a singsong manner when you versify it.
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6/19/2010 7:13:11 PM Daniel Corcoran Posts: 28	maybe it doesnt need punctuation.
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6/20/2010 7:39:35 AM Oleg Borisov Posts: 9	Why not? Then, the commas in the lines A patterned, tangled fate and The finished life laid on the rack, The Weaver cuts the thread should be omitted. I do not consider the marks not to be punctuated in this case. The presence of two commas is assumed for other marks to be presented in the poem. How would you feel yourself while driving a car if you did not see any sign on the road where it must be? 8) I am for any innovation but I am against to use it everywhere. It is an old tradition of versification and one must stick with it. Alfred Tennyson`s The Brook is a good example to be in the track of it.) I come from haunts of coot and hern, I make a sudden sally, And sparkle out among the fern, To bicker down a valley. By thirty hills I hurry down, Or slip between the ridges, By twenty thorps, a little town, And half a hundred bridges. … And so on )
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