Poetry Forum

home recent topics recent posts search faq

Forum Home » High Critique » Blood Get Weaker

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
1/4/2013 4:48:57 AM

Sharon Morken
Posts: 133
It's become a dead end
When he should be your best friend
She's in the room on the couch
Across starring at dos grouch

Not once,
Not twice,
Not three times when she asks,
I realize an apology to me isn'tsomething you grasp..

Cant bring myself to look at you
I've let you destroy me
My blood gets weaker
Each time you speak of her

Thats what sucks about a dead end
You want to keep going
Our situation is something you'll nevermend
I'll just beat this steering wheelinstead.
At least it wont fight back
My self esteem wont be attacked
Just my tear ducks
Totally sucks
Your not worth it
Wish you were a fly
I'd smash you with chop sticks
permalink • reply with quote
2/27/2013 8:06:52 PM

Richard D Seal
Posts: 1
Spelling mistakes immediately spoil this work, not sure what 'dos grouch' is suppose to mean, 'tear ducks', should be tear ducts. Spacings are missing between words which does not help. The layout is very scattered, three four line stanzas and then a huge block, 'Not once, not twice should be on a single line. The story I get, but the end is just wishful thinking, consider how much better it would be if you attacked his ego. Regards Richard
permalink • reply with quote

Forum Home » High Critique » Blood Get Weaker

Powered by AspNetForum © 2006-2010 Jitbit Software