My Morning Mix Up
Upon opening the fridge this morning I found, to my great displeasure, that there was nary an egg to be found. Posthaste I marched down to the corner market, grabbed a carton of fresh, free range eggs, darted smartly to be first at the checkout counter, and rifled through my wallet to see if I had ready cash or would have to employ my Visa card.
In my rush to sit down to my newspaper, sunny-side-ups and piping hot coffee, I had neglected to remove my sunglasses. This would hardly be worth mentioning if the young check out lady had not inquired, “Did you check your eyes to make sure they’re not crossed?” She grinned as if the question were perfectly proper. Was this her idea of a joke? Why, this rude, cheeky young tart was poking fun at my advanced age! The nerve! Obviously my ancient eyes couldn’t stand the daytime glare. Was that it?
I lifted my shades and squinted at her with my two evil eyes before tucking the carton under my arm and strutting back home with seething indignation.
Have I checked my eyes to make sure they’re not crossed. Good god, that’s not even a joke! But were those her actual words? I hadn’t been paying close attention, for my mind had been more on consuming the eggs than paying for them. But, no! Those were her exact words!
As I approached my door, I confess to have felt to be but the shell of the man I had been upon awakening that morning. I had to simply be a good sport and admit my days were all spent. Nothing to do but to turn on the oldies station, curl up on the sofa, and let the Reaper do his work. Did I check my eyes. My last indignity! Adios cruel world!
Entering the house, I found my friend reading a magazine and enjoying her morning coffee. “Oh Robert!” she called out.
“What now!” I snapped at her with a sinking sense of dead and doom.
“I was just wondering. Did you check your eggs to make sure they’re not crushed?”
“No”, I responded, relieved that I had mis-heard that young delightful check out lady. “I’ll do that right away!”
Copyright ©
Robert Gorelick
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