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A Lot Said About Nothing
Realisation: I'm a back seat driver!
Obviously, I'm also at the wheel
(Anyone nervous about this dual identity, please let me set your mind at ease. This is about anxiety and confidence and how crippling self doubt can be)
In theory, the conscious mind is the better driver
But have you seen that guy when the road layout is iffy and we're in an area of iffy drivers?
Be assured, conscious driver - driving (typically)
Apart from when I was required to drive to a hospital in trickyOtricksville at rush hour multiple times to take someone for radiotherapy
You have all the stresses
- will this save their life
- will they get the awful side effects of coughing up blood, fatigue or will something go wrong
- will I be able to park when I get there
- find the location
- taking hours out of work whilst work stacks up
- the list goes go
The drive was absolutely fine. Did it in heavy rain, made wrong turns, drove too far etc.
Kept my cool
There was no time to have me up front getting distressed
I just got on with it
My back seat driving totally stopped
This is where a poem gets too long and isn't a poem
(Also called the safe zone - no one is reading this far down something leftfield when they like sunset descriptions)
I'm clamming up anyway
Putting the brakes on
Wanting to abandon the car and run off over (ideally) a nearby field
For optimum effect, it'll be zig zag running that doesn't get you far away very quickly
"You can't do that"
"You can't say that"
"You're being weird"
"Just wait it out quietly, you have nothing to offer"
"You're causing trouble"
I'm the better driver here self doubt!
But I'm not, because I stall, I only want to drive familiar routes, preferably on an empty road
I don't allow myself the luxury of getting off the hook though
I've a friend who can only drive to work and the shop
So if necessary I'll drive somewhere with my heart in my mouth rather than not go
Push, push, push out of my comfort zone
The messiest of companions
Back seat driver and stroppy genius (dime store version)
(I'm deep enough in the poem to say that now)
Copyright ©
Di11y Da11y
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