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Shaggy Dog Limericks: the All-Time Best -- Vote For Your Favorite
The Spaniel
A Spaniel that uses its head
Can tell when its owner’s unfed
So instead of a duck
That is down on its luck
Will deliver a pizza instead
The Afghan Hound
The Afghan’s a dog groomer’s joy
The definitive Lord Fauntleroy
But with all that coiffure
One is never quite sure
If the “she” is a girl or a boy
The Airedale Terrier
Airedale, king of the terriers
Domain without borders or barriers
Stubborn and proud
On alert, never cowed
Justly known for their cute little derrières
The Basenji
A Basenji may giggle or snark
Chat with pigeons it meets in the park
From the moment it wakes
Oh, the noises it makes!
Just don’t ever expect it to bark
The Basset Hound
Is it sorrow in canine disguise?
Is it pity empathic and wise?
Or is it not either
Nor sympathy neither
But hunger we see in its eyes?
The Border Collie
It was not Albert Einstein who dared
To think E = mc2
But rather a Border
Who brought cosmic order
One morning while out with his laird
The Bulldog
My Bulldog won’t frolic or fetch
His face may cause others to kvetch
But he’s gentle and sweet
With the kids on the street
And the ladies all think I’m a ketch
The Chihuahua and Great Dane
Chihuahuas and Danes one surmises
Are extremes when it comes to their sizes
The one is so small
It is nothing at all
While the other is big and wins prizes
The Corgi
The Corgi is not one to hurry
Much preferring a stroll to a flurry
If you happen by chance
To invite one to dance
He’ll say, “Hey, I am not Arthur Murray!”
The Dachshund
The Dachshund’s a marvel on skis
Little legs that stop short of its knees
It can schuss like a pro
Making furrows in snow
(Though its privates are given to freeze)
The Doberman Pinscher
A Doberman’s known to be picky
With friends so to greet one is tricky
To kiss is a bummer
Undoubtedly dumber
Is to sneak up and give one a hickey
The Irish Setter
He’s Irish not Scottish or British
You forget, he’ll get ornery and skittish
He’ll point to his pelt
Start swearing in Celt
With a splash of some Gaelic and Yiddish
The Jack Russell Terrier
A packet of fizz the Jack Russell
Full of dashing and daring and bustle
With engine on race
And the world left to chase
Any wonder he makes such a fussle?
The Labrador Retriever (Lab)
The Lab a friend gave to his daughter
Had a chronic aversion to water
He’d cling to the shore
Like a rug to the floor
To avoid making waves like he oughter
The Mastiff
The Mastiff’s a glorious sight
With a name that exemplifies might
Now imagine this house
The size of a mouse
A “toy mastiff” just doesn’t sound right
The Mutt
A mutt may show up with a rat
Do some terrible things to your hat
But he’s happy for sure
Just to roll in manure
And so grateful that he’s not a cat
The Norwegian Elkhound
Look honey, look what I found!
It’s an orphaned Norwegian elkhound!
He’ll be easy to raise
With some love and some praise
And a pasture that serves as a pound
The Old English Sheepdog
I’m partial to dogs that are shaggy
That are goofy and sweet and not naggy
They only see good
From their eyes under hood
And a tail that longs to be waggy
*Like Boxers, their tails are docked
The Papillon
Considered more missy than mensch
(Butterfly’s the translation from French)
In private is seen
With a king or a queen
And in public with Dame Judi Dench
The Pekingese
At a Cantonese restaurant with luck
One can still find some things for a buck
But imagine my shock
When the place down the block
Ran a special on Pekingese duck
The Pomeranian (Pom)
The Pom is a kind of a spitz
A Chihuahua with fur in a ditz
The type of a pooch
You can cuddle and smooch
Or show off with a date at the Ritz
The Poodle
The Poodle is known for its smarts
For excelling at music and arts
But an owner was telling
Me after the smelling
They also blow nuclear farts
The Rhodesian Ridgeback
I bought one of these for a dollar
It said Phi Beta Kap on its collar
I later found out
(Though not without doubt)
It had been a Rhodesian scholar
The Saint Bernard
Though not in his nature to beg
He would flip for a sip from the keg
Of the rum or the brandy
That dangles so handy
His lips near the tips of the peg
The Schnauzer
The word that we’ve heard about Schnauzers
Is they’re famously shallow carousers
The truth is we’re jealous
Of these amorous fellas:
We’d love to be wearing their trousers
The Shar-Pei and Shih Tzu
Shar-Peis and Shih Tzus tantamounts?
They look nothing alike where it counts
One’s wrinkle, one’s dimple
Yet kinship is simple:
Their names are so fun to pronounce
The Shetland Sheepdog
A Sheltie is likely to herd
Any creature that’s mammal or bird
Except for a CAT
(Fuggitabout THAT)
Even shelties are known to cry “merde!”
The Yorkshire Terrier (Yorkie)
The Yorkie has visions of grandeur
Such that bigger dogs simply can’t stand her
She’ll nip at their heels
Abscond with their meals
And then yap ‘til she raises their dander
Copyright ©
Ralph Protsik
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