Poetry Humorous Poems

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Details | Light Poetry |
Yesterday I saw a very creepy mouse, Sneaking right through my front door, He was wearing tails and a top black hat And dragging a large suitcase too When he saw me, he run inside, And past me he sped so fast, Into the kitchen he went in, To a tiny hole, with suitcase and all I tried everything, to flushed him out, From the hole just as fast. I played him music extremely loud; And even called him on his cell phone So I ordered him some cheese pizza, Provolone and jack cheese by the pound, And placed it close, for him to come out and eat, But...he grabbed with him in a flash An email he sent me later on, In which this certain note,to me he wrote: "This's Jack,thank you,for giving me more food, Now I can stay with you, for another three years. Dorian Petersen Potter aka ladydp2000 copyright@2005 October,19,2014

Copyright © Dorian Petersen Potter | Year Posted 2014




Details | Light Poetry |
Good evening Ladies 
May I say, I am honored and privileged
As this is the first ever time
I have read in front of a woman’s only group
And a fine group of bovine beauties you are

I truly hope you have enjoyed dinner
The poetry portion of your evening is about to begin
First I wish to thank Betsy for inviting me
She mooooed me over from day one
I must also offer my sincere apologies
If I have eaten any of your relatives
A simple but tasty misunderstanding at beast, ops best

This evening’s poetry reading will have background music
Lyrcial Jazz music is like the spice to my gourmet poetry
Richard here is on Sax, and Dave will play the guitar
So feel free to sit or stand, rain or shine
Graze upon this artistic feast of cultural poetry

I shall recite four movements here, thus to allow you
Breaks for your own movements so to speak
I wish you an udderly fantastic evening


This piece is called “Chapter and Verse”

Part 1)

Borrowed words


Overdue loans
On faded words
Tears melting ink
Wisdom's die 
Collection time
Bankrupt soul
With no words to share


Moooooo mooooooo Mooooooo 
Mooo Mooooooo Mooooooo Moooooo
Cow bells jingle
More Moooos moooo moooooo


You gals are sooooo  Mooovarlous

Now for Part 2)


Overdue books

Wine splashes the pages
Of my mind
Melancholy whispers to me
Here, here 
The past sings me a song
Withered books 
Our collective memories
Buried in the pages of history


Moooooo mooooooo Mooooooo 
Mooo Mooooooo Mooooooo Moooooo
Cow bells jingle
More Moooos moooo moooooos

Oh My God really stop it
You Gals are udderly amazing
Thank you so much

I really appreciate your Cowcil


On to Part 3 Ladies

Sad Chapters

I danced 
I drank
Love and wine
Penelope Sosa
Stole heart and mind
Debts paid
Her beauty refined
Lonely betrayal
I dine on sad chapters

Moooooo mooooooo Mooooooo 
Mooo Mooooooo Mooooooo Moooooo
Cow bells jingle
More Moooos moooo moooooos

You gals really are overdoing it
However I do have a part 4, you are such a great audience
For fans like you, I am willing to milk this poem to the end


The last Verse

Mathematical potions
Equations that dream
A soft kiss lade upon my sleeping heart
Is it you? Is it you that lightens my soul?
Spread your wings for me
I shall smell the sweet scent
Of your poetic juices
As we lay entwined
Inside the last verse

Standing Mooooooooovations
Moooooo mooooooo Mooooooo 
Mooo Mooooooo Mooooooo Moooooo
Cow bells jingle
More Moooos moooo moooooos


Well I must thank you dearly
I confess I was somewhat Cowardly to perform
However you gals where just great
I will be signing autographs back at the barn!!!!!!


Note: This poem was sponsored by Dr Doo Little

Copyright © arthur vaso | Year Posted 2015

Details | Light Poetry |
As Joe was biking down the side of the road
He ran across a chap with a dearth of driving skills.  
Or more accurately, the driver almost ran over Joe; 
'Twas one of life’s unwanted thrills.

A spirited exchange ensued between them
About who was in the right.
But this being the delicate poetrysoup,
I’ll keep the language light:

“You fornicating chewer of masculine appendages,” 
Quoth the driver.  “What the fornicating inferno were you doing?”
Replied Joe, “Just following the traffic signs, 
you premenstrual hyena in need of screwing.”

He quipped, “You’re replete with fornicating doo-doo,
My  light was coitally green.”
Quoth Joe, “Alas, your light was not.
And your maternal unit stars in movies obscene.”

Said he, “A shower of gold, is what I’m told, 
May clarify your sight.”
Retorted Joe, “Stay in that car, spawn of Jar-Jar, 
or you’ll be seeing lots of lights.”

“Perhaps remove the telephone pole,” said he,
“From where you store your bowel.”
Quipped Joe, “So I could fire a methane cloud in your direction?”
Oh my, how the driver did howl.

The driver continued.  “I don’t give an airborne 
intimate encounter about you and your bike.”
One thing was abundantly clear,
This man Joe didn’t like.

Joe gave not a rodent’s backside
For this foul troll’s attitude.
Yet the driver felt inclined to continue
with his prattling so rude:

“Consume excrement and expire,
you maternally fornicating 
portion-of excrement consuming
rah-rah blah blah…” He continued bloviating.

Suggested Joe when he finished, “Might I refer you to a friend,
one you clearly need?”
He’s a cranio-proctologist, 
The best around, indeed.”

 “I invite you to  perform an antatomically 
challenging act of self-gratification,” quoth he.
“I ought to apply my foot to your tightly clad posterior
and then everyone will see.”

“While I’m good at riding bikes,” said Joe,
“Flexibility is not my strong suit.”
“So the contortionism is out, 
and I plan to continue my route.”

“And as far as threats go, 
I must say that I’m not very impressed.
I wouldn’t bet your Hollywood looks
on what I sure hope is a jest.”

“In matters of fitness, you clearly lag,” noted Joe.
Which is why you’re in the car, and I’m not.
Thus, I cordially invite you to make a bowel movement
or kindly get off the pot.”

Happily the driver understood the score.
Away he drove with a whine.
Turns out he had to rearrange a sock drawer.
“Too bad, “ thought Joe.  “He talked such a good line.”

Away Joe pedaled into the day,
Whistling a happy tune,
hoping not to encounter such a 
fornicating bowel movement show anytime soon.

3/2/16

Copyright © Tom Quigley | Year Posted 2016




Details | Couplet |
I hesitated for over a month – should I join Poetry Soup … Would they like my poems and accept me in their group? It is not my intention to be a famous writer I try and write with wit to make our lives a little brighter I write on many subjects – I sometimes have a moan My humour is ‘unique’ and may make some people groan Harsh words can knock us back; criticism can drag us down Let’s try to live here in harmony and smile instead of frown I try to be lighthearted and if I can make people smile They may forget problems and their worries for a while Kind words cost us nothing - a smile can brighten up our day I hope that I can make a difference with the words I say Some do not like my poems - I can’t please everyone But I hope my style brings Poetry Soup some fun! Well the title says it all … I ‘con’ you all that I’m a poet! 04~14~15 Contest I Icon – Sheri Fresonke Harper

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2015

Details | Limerick |
I’ve received an incredible gift It has given my heart such a lift But the date that I see Is what now concerns me – It’s the date I no longer exist!!! Today I was gifted a 'lifetime' premium membership but it is somewhat disconcerting to see it ends on 3/20/2077. I hope TPS aren't psychic!!!! My mother's great great aunt lived to 111 and 121 days and was in the Guinness book of records - I hope I am around a long long time to make full use of this incredible gift. 14th October 2016

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016

Details | Light Poetry |
One dark night a saucer crashed; the military quickly cleaned up the trash. In the distance, what they didn’t see; a thin, white face between the trees. Once all was quiet, little Gili-ok crept, from the woods where he had slept. The rising sun, he felt was great, but without his transport, he’d met his fate. A distant farmhouse, he drew near; he’d find food there; the scent was clear. To the doorway he did head; but he was overcome by sudden dread. Standing just inside the door, a human creature loudly warned… “Come no closer, you little freak, or I’ll put a bullet, a’tween yer teeth”. Gili-ok stopped dead in his tracks; he thought about just turning back, But reading farmer Jones’s mind; he beamed his message, oh so fine. “I come in peace, my human friend; I only want my wounds to mend”. Old farmer Jones, lowered his gun; He said, “I see that you are wounded, son.” Into the house, Gili-ok walked and they ate breakfast, as he talked. Old farmer Jones, then smiled and said, “It’s a wonder, you ain’t dead!” Guli-ok was soon patched up and graciously, he fixed old Jones’s truck. One finger touched the clunker’s hood; the old sparks fired and that thing, ran good! “Say, yer a fine repairman son and I could use a hand on this farm. Would’ya stay a’spell; help me plant seed? I’ll give room, board and feed.” Now Gili-ok knew he’d have to wait for friends to rescue him from his fate. Into the barn, he did go and soon the tractor…out it rolled. “I’ll be.” Said Farmer Jones, surprised; he really couldn’t believe his eyes. Little Gili-ok thrashed a ton of wheat; he filled the silo, nice and neat. The hogs and chickens were swiftly fed, when Gili-ok simply turned his head. Old Jones, he watched with shock and awe, as hay bales levitated into the barn loft. Week after week, Gili-ok did work, fixing equipment and working the dirt. The one year there, Gili-ok spent; made farmer Jones, a rich old gent. When Gili-ok’s pals finally arrived, they gifted Jones’s truck with a new hyper-drive. On his tractor, they added super-warp and on his house, they zapped a porch. As Gili-ok waved a sad goodbye, Farmer Jones began to cry. Into his head a message was beamed, “You must forget all that you’ve seen”. Never again did old Jones need to struggle planting all his seeds. His new warp tractor would miraculously plow and seed his crops; how he was, “wow’d”! A lesson Jones did learn from this; to befriend aliens, can be bliss. He was so happy that he didn’t shoot; he gave Gili-ok a brand new pair of boots. As Jones sat up watching the late, late show; his HDTV began to glow. It bleeped twice; the pixels morphed and on the screen was Gili-ok, of course! Gili-ok winked one oval eye and Jones waved back, with a sigh; happy that he’d gotten to know, that skinny little, alien soul.

Copyright © M. L. Kiser | Year Posted 2017

Details | Light Poetry |
It’s not enough to have a Dragon plus his penguins and pigeons, too?
Darn it! I had a limit, until a cute Cuddling Cricket found my shoe.
He was just a little baby, who saw the pigeons and decided to hide.
Now, he won’t let go of my pants leg; he’s definitely along for the ride.

The first time I saw him, I Eeekk’ed and I jumped, yep, about to pounce.
But at my response he sighed, and slumped, and he began to cry, at once!
At first I couldn’t believe it, so I pulled out my magnifying glass.
What I found were soulful eyes, and a face, so very cute, but sad.

So now when I stand, A Cuddling Cricket, comes along for the ride.
Yeah, he’s now part of the family… Well, of course! Sigh! I replied…
He sleeps in a cute little plastic bug box, with a matchbox for a bed.
But it’s hard to explain, to others found, in my life, which have fled.

I bring a magnifying glass, so they can see him bow so proper and nice.
But carrying my Cuddling Cricket around, does have a certain price!
Food stores aren’t very understanding, and restaurants, Not At All! Truly!
But the paparazzi seem to understand a Cuddling Cricket, completely!

He does have his own type of novelty as he carries around his blankie!
And he’s just a baby, who needs a Mom, and of course, his little binkie!
Honestly, I’m not kidding! There’ve been a few, strange turns, in my life.
But, if I have Trolls and Dragon, then a Cuddling Cricket seems, so right!

Copyright © Carol Eastman | Year Posted 2014

Details | Light Poetry |
The town was all a flutter; Zombie the Musical, was coming to town.
We all signed up as extras… Yes, as Zombies… here we did come.
Bruce Willis was the hero, with the Mad Scientist Z, for all to blame.
Dragon wanted to be the hero, but became the Evil Z. OH! Poor Thing!
His penguins, the perfect zombies, chased across the screen, so berserk!
The director wanted his zombies to twitch, but all thought he said, twerk!

Someone turned on ‘Thriller’, and amid the music, things began to work.
The penguins were endearing, as they stole the show. Wouldn’t you know!
As they did the: step left, step right, Shuffle, shuffle, twerk, twerk, twerk!
Dragon flew on the set, but things got wonky, as the set, in flames, went up.
He crash-landed in the fire works, which scaring most the towns’ zombies off.
All was meant to be dark and scary, but naturally that came out, sooo wrong.

The witches decided to dig up zombies, for the flash mob scene, to work. 
The new zombies, did their own thing, chasing more town zombies away.
The witches got them from the cemetery, not telling those alive, today. 
Bruce Willis, by now, was really banged up, as he fought the zombies off.
Everyone knew something was so wrong when one bit Dragon in the butt.
Thank goodness that fricasseed Zombie, couldn’t bite thru Dragons Scales.

Well, everyone made a run for it…as the penguins steadfastly twerked on…
At this time, some say, the director was straight out seen, pulling out his hair.
He was yelling: Dumb Zombies need a brain! & They’d head to the cemetery… 
If  ‘they only had a brain!’ So someone added the song ‘If I only had a Brain’. 
The director wanted Die Hard, but got ‘Die Hard without a Brain’. Yeah, Way!
Tho some would simply end up calling it, ‘Die Hard to Twerk another Day’.

The director decided: if he couldn’t beat them, join them. Yes, he surely did!
With the ending credits Dragon twerked. Groan! For shame!  Nobody Look!
That’s when Bruce Willis called Chuck Norris to help round the Zombies up! 
The Zombies wouldn’t take their cues! Well, not, until, it was time to Twerk!
Then they all just joined in, as apparently a real Zombie…Can Indeed Twerk! 
They were all, finally sent home, with smiles upon their face. Uh... we think!

The witches put them back, by order of Chuck Norris, in any case! It’s True!
For a witch can mess with a director, but No One messes with Chuck Norris! 
What! You knew? And the after show party, with Chuck Norris, had such flair!
He even ask Dragon for an autograph… Now, Dragon’s head is in the air!

And Note: Not a single Zombie was hurt in the making of this musical…
          Though, many a one, did fall down, when Dragon flapped his wings.
          The fricasseed Zombie liked his suntan and new hair style, it seems!
Written By Carol Eastman 1-22-2015 

Copyright © Carol Eastman | Year Posted 2015

Details | Light Poetry |
OOPS - I must have used invisible ink Happy April Fools Day to you all Hugs Jan xxx 1st April 2015

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2015

Details | Limerick |
I post my poems on poetry soup About farting and guys with brewer’s droop I’ve been given a crown And I won’t let Flo down Be assured I’ll keep on posting my poop! Posted in conjunction with my blog about my amazing gifts from F J Thomas 25th January 2017

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2017

Details | Light Poetry |

Who ate the last slice?
I don't hear no confession
Who scarfed the last slice down?
Everyone seems to have a finger pointing obsession
Don't know why we have house rules,
when no one pays them no mind
He who calls last slice first,
is supposed to have their belly rewarded
whenever they feel so inclined
Around here, a person can't even take a bathroom break,
without somebody swiping the last slice off the tray
That's just wrong,
that's not fair
I even bought the two pizzas,
but I can see nobody cares
I wish I could tell who did it
by looking into their eyes
And none of youse are even trying
to give me any elaborate lies
The wife is in the bedroom,
hiding her head under the pillows
The three kids are aimlessly
bobbing around like zombie marshmallows
I guess it's just me and the dog
left to take up the lost cause
Hey, wait a minute ... now don't tell me ---
is that pizza sauce I see all over your paws!

Copyright © Freddie Robinson Jr. | Year Posted 2016

Details | Couplet |
I pick up my notepad and find a sharp pencil (Hope any comments won’t be too detrimental) I scan the contest themes and hope I’m inspired I’ll enter an old poem if I’m just too darn tired I post my ‘best effort’ and hope that I win … Yet ANOTHER N/A so I start hitting the gin! With tears in my eyes I soup mail all my friends There’ll be a ‘screwed contest’, will that pay dividends? I finish the bottle, then scan the 'best new poems list' My poem’s ‘pisadeered’, how my eyes start to mist My masterpiece isn’t there - where has it gone? It’s been cast into the realms of total oblivion My eyes are now closing, I’m too sozzled to write It’s well after midnight so I’ll bid you goodnight .... I wake in the morning, dash to check all the lists ... but with all the moaning on blogs… they no longer exist! Inspired by Jerry T Curtis's POTD 07~25~16

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016

Details | Limerick |
Jan always likes a good pun.
She can take any topic and run.
What she writes on a fart
May not make us swoon: "Art!",
But we'll LAUGH,'cause her poems are FUN!


For Jan who reminds me that writing should first and foremost be fun!

Copyright © Agnes Krampe | Year Posted 2017

Details | Light Poetry |
No one yet knows why the hen crossed the road.
What could possibly have planted that notion?
But I saw it happen, and even three-toed,
It was poultry in motion  --  poultry in motion!


Snap snap snap snap snap snap snap . . . . . . .



Poem of the Day August 5, 2017

Copyright © Dean Wood | Year Posted 2017

Details | Light Poetry |
When I got home from camp today,
My parents almost died.
They asked me how I got this way,
And here's what I replied:

"This little cast from heel to hip
Is nothing much at all.
Some broken shingles made me slip
From off the dining hall.

"The poison ivy's not so bad.
It missed my back and chest.
Of course, I guess I oughta add
Mosquitoes got the rest.

"I tried to eat some hick'ry nuts
And cracked a tooth or two.
And all these bruises, scabs, and cuts?
I haven't got a clue.

"I got the lump that's on my head
From diving in the lake.
I should have watched for rocks, instead
Of grabbing for the snake.

"That leaves this bandage on my chin
And these three finger sprains,
Along with lots of sunburned skin
And sniffles from the rains.

"And oh, I got a muscle cramp
And very nearly drowned.
It's some terrific summer camp,
The coolest one around."

Copyright © Richard Thomas | Year Posted 2018

Details | Light Poetry |
You know we’re very poor, of that we have certainly, never denied.
Then the ‘Obama-I-don’t-Care’ gave us another whammy, Yes, indeed! Oh My!
Now, it’s Peanut butter we will have for supper, and even that we’ll spread thin.
And the little birdies we gave a cup of bird seed, occasionally, when we dared…

Well, this morning they got a handfull of Fruit Loops, and they were really stale!
With the sugar they have in galore, now birdies are doing cartwheels at my door.
All that crazy energy, they’re acting just like my kids. Hey! Is that my old phone?
They’re texting wildly! Not watching where they go! Hey! There’s a tree! Oh No!

Some are doing cartwheels… While others are staggering back and forth!
But bird seeds not an option, under Obamas new plan, now! Don’t you know!
We ate it all last week, on our free cheese, from the Food Pantry, Not! A! Joke!
He was supposed to make it affordable, now he put food… WAY out the door!

Hey! We WERE the poor ones! Now we’re worse, as he runs away! By Darn!
OOOPPPS! Maybe Fruit Loops weren’t such a good idea, after all, I surmise!
The Dirty Birdies, are walking upside down, in circles, saying they want more!
If only they had hands! I’d get out my camera, but I hocked it, for the food store!

We had good insurance before the ‘Obama-I-Don’t-Care’! But Now it’s gone…
And our small paycheck was cut in half! So I stopped my cable!… Well, Darn!
Hubby walks miles to work, in the snow, backwards, no shoes, uphill! It’s true!

Excuse me! I have to go! For it’s off to the Food Pantry, with others I am bound!
I’d impeach that silly idiot! But I’d rather, he had to eat, just like us, at our house!
Hey! Maybe that explains his crazy actions… Take his Fruit Loops away, By Gosh!
And when you’re done, make sure he uses the same ‘Obama-I-Don’t-Care’… As us!

Then take away that raise from Congress… to fill the Food Pantries… Yea! I SAY!
When you’re done! Remember to vote Them ALL OUT! For what they have done today!
Then send them Dumpster Diving with me… Because they’ll need to learn the art!
Darn! What Now? Oh Oh! Those little Dirty Birdies… Have learned how to fart!

Copyright © Carol Eastman | Year Posted 2014

Details | Light Poetry |
We have a mouse in the house.
Not an average mouse
But rather a mouse with some nous 
That trips traps as it goes traipsing through the house.
A mouse whose downfall I am planning 
Even while I am jotting.

A foolproof trap I will find, 
Before I go out of my mind. 

It will be one of a kind,
That will attest to my state of mind. 
And show beyond doubt that I have more nous
Than a mouse.

It will send a message to all mouse kind
That it is time to leave this city behind
In case I lose my nous 
And sacrifice the house to get rid of a mouse. 
 

Copyright © David Smith | Year Posted 2016

Details | I do not know? |
*****To the naked EYE, this poem may seem like gibberish,
but I assure you it is loaded with 24 palindromes,
3 palindrome phrases, 1 hidden palindrome phrase,
and is chock full with enormous wordplay...
oh and one more palindrome in this description. 
Can you find more? I challenge you word freaks!*****


____SATAN OSCILLATE MY METALLIC SONATAS____

Last night, around eleven or so, I decided to paint a pink castle.
To my dismay, on display, is what looks more like a pink asshole.
Picasso would've been so proud!
Today, upon recording nothing short of a colossal debacle,
I've chosen to
utilize the eyes of a hostile apostle.
Tossing docile scribble, I'm scribing.
Describing life like a diatribe conniving REVIVER at a revival.

LIVE EVIL!

Palindrome EYE to the side of my tribe.
Get in line, standing at the hands of HANNA.

PULL UP.

RISE AND VOTE SIR!

EYE
LEVEL 
to 
NUN'S
BOOB.

WOW!

We OTTO-matically 
POP a PEEP at NOON!
DAD got so damn mad he DID the DEED
and split three XANAX with his MADAM and MOM!
(ALA the ABBA GIG way back in them AHA kookie KOOK days)

So anyways...
Back to peek hassle!
Do ya' think he might like ta' take a stab at my STATS?


*****(this was fun as fun can be:
hope you have half as much fun with it as I did:)*****

~JSLambert

Copyright © JSLambert Mister ROBOTO | Year Posted 2014

Details | Light Poetry |
One night while stargazing, Dragon and I, got to see a falling star… descend.
I thought that would be great, so I told him he could make a wish on them…
But Dragon’s are really quite unique, and don’t always think, like you and me. 
No, NOT at all! And you should believe, things began to unravel, immediately:

About to make that wish… He realized the moon descends every night.
And the sun descends, like the moon… every single day, at every Twilight.
Becoming horrified that so many wishes had gone by him, totally unused!
He decided to wish upon the star, that all past wishes, can now come, to be used.

There is logic here, I think, as Dragon hordes things; he’d do it with wishes, too.
When I tried to explain, that’s not how wishes work, they have to be rare and few.
With falling stars, it has to come from one, that came to ground, willing to share.
Now Dragon is a stubborn thing and decided, I wanted them all for myself, to snare.

He stomped his foot, as the 2 year old he is, crying he didn’t want to share not one.
So I patiently explained that there are bigger stars everywhere, bigger than our sun!
He was sure I’d done him wrong and had lied, after all, his eyes are very keen.
The bigger, the better, and our sun was the biggest thing, that he had ever seen!

It’s brightness has gobs of power, in fact, I’d said it powers all the Earth, he recalled.
So its wish couldn’t be small… he said it’s not nice, to not share, with him at all.
Now a tantrum was about to ensue, from our 2 year old who’d skipped his nap.
And don’t forget he’s a Dragon, too! It wasn’t a good idea to fall into this trap!

Some things are better to not go through. Why fight the battle, if you can stop the war?
In the end I took that wish… and wished I’d never took him on that wishful tour.
You know what? I did find that peace finally came back and did preside, in a wink.
As I got his blankie for his bed, and tucked him in so nice and neat, I paused to think.

Next year would be a better time, to view the meteor showers, after we both have…
A well-deserved nap. Don’t you think? When he’s a tad more grown up, I did add…
Besides my wishes, in the past, have served me well, as they brought him here to me.
And I ’d need one more wish this year, to help him when flying… to not hit the trees!

Copyright © Carol Eastman | Year Posted 2014

Details | Light Poetry |
JUNK MAIL


I can have the suite recovered
For a thousand pounds or so.
Or, my skirts all torn, all mended
With a stitch that doesn’t show.

At the Chinese round the corner
There are noodles and fried rice,
And a menu for the family
Which I’m sure is very nice.

But the Indian’s even better – 
One may ‘buy one get one free!’
And a card pushed through
which offered
The removal of a tree.

Came a highly-coloured brochure
(Which was really quite a treat)
One could choose exotic flowers
Or plant food that’s fit to eat.

No, I didn’t really think so.
And each joined the growling
throng
Of things that were not welcome
In the bin, where they belong.

There’s a person here named
Tracey
With an offer I can’t miss.
For she says she’ll do the ironing
So I don’t need to. Bliss!

Now, this week’s not halfway
through yet – 
And what else is in the box?
Then the envelope, when 
opened,
Offered ever-lasting socks!

We must not forget the pizzas,
They can be delivered too.
And the Cotton Traders’ booklet
Which includes a nifty shoe.

Now, that brings us up to
Thursday
And the pile grows on apace.
There’s some help for aged
ladies
‘Use this cream and change
your face!’ 

There’s so much magic in this
bottle 
If you use it on your hair
In a week you’ve vast 
abundance
Though you had but little 
there.

We’ve a little respite Friday;
It’s a letter from a friend,
Plus a bill that I must settle;
Not at all the usual trend.

Yes, next day returns to
normal.
Would I help the lifeboats,
please?
And a chap who’ll do some 
weeding – 
That should save my aching
knees.

Then – oh, day of rest and
gladness
It’s a day that’s free from
mail.
‘Till I’m startled by the 
phone going.
‘Please don’t miss this boiler
sale!’

BY
DARRYL ASHTON  

Copyright © Darryl Ashton | Year Posted 2014

Details | Light Poetry |
"Oh, The places You'll Go!"

Dragon was in a slump as the kids all left to go back to school.
So I read to him:“All the Places You’ll Go!” by good Dr Seuss.
He loved “Oh, the things you will find if you don’t stay behind!”
Now, the school needed Crossing Guards. It was in the news times.

So Dragon volunteered… What else could he do?
After all, a Hero is a Hero- No matter what you chose to do.
Now Dragon read the rules. All that they got.
So Dragon marched off to be a Crossing Guard, at that…

Now Dragon Knew what DR Seuss knew.
“Out there things can happen, and frequently do,
  To people as brainy and footsy as you.
  And when things start to happen, don’t worry, don’t stew.
  Just go right along, you’ll start happening too!”

But traffic was too heavy, to cross the street, to the schoolyard!
And yes, one car, really, did run over, his feet and his tail!
And his Super Hero Cape got snagged by a car!
He was drug down the street, tho not very far…

But do not fear for a Dragon like ours…
He never gives up… so he reached for the stars!
As, yes, he remembered what Dr. Seuss had said.
“Think left and think right and think low and think high.
 Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try.”

So Dragon took the kids and sailed up to the sky.
But parents don’t like their kids to go sailing by,
Or for cars to get rained on, by hot Dragon embers, from up high.
And his boss didn’t think him… so very clever… by far!
As Dragon was fired on his… very… very… first day so far.

And Tears rained on everyone as Dragon sadly flew away!
As he went off to sit on the hill, over looking a highway, further away.
But Dragon so wise, remembered what Dr. Seuss said:

“Oh the things you can think up if only you try!" And
“It doesn’t matter what it is. What matters is what it will become.”
So at that… Dragon began to look around…

Life is in the journey he’d often been told, or so he thought,
As he watched butterflies trying to cross the road below.
Then Dragon knew Dr Seuss was: “Truer than True”, 
when he said:

“Don’t grumble! Don’t Stew!
Some critters are much-much,
Oh every so much-much,
So muchly much-much more unlucky than you!”

So Dragon went down to the edge of the road.
And he flapped his wings harder- harder than ever before.
His wind threw the butterflies… higher and higher into the air.
To where they could safely cross the road… to way over there.

He remembered that some times you just, won’t fit in…
“Because sometimes you have to be odd to be number one.”
And he had to agree that: 
“There is no one alive who is youer than you!”

Now he had a job to help butterflies go to where they would go.
And he smiled as he said to the butterflies… it’s true!
“Oh, the places you’ll go!”
Then he realized he’d done, all that is needed,
As he told them and agreed.

“And will you succeed?
Yes! You will indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed)"
Be you bigger than big or smaller than small… 
You are you but with your mind, that won’t be all!

And that’s the best thing of all! So remember…
"To the world you may be one person; 
But to one person you may be the world.”
So never give up and never give in… For
“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, 
Nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”

Now he realized he had become a true Crossing Guard.
And during the months that the butterflies fly by…
He is their Crossing Guard who sends them along.
Thank you Dearly… my Dear… Dear Dr. Seuss!
No one could have explained it… as perfect as you.

Written 8-15-2015

Copyright © Carol Eastman | Year Posted 2015

Details | Light Poetry |
I am a fat oriole from Baltimore
With baseball cap and baseball mitt
I became a star cause well I could really hit
Made my money, to build my nest
Never grew up, cause I was born with good luck
I am a big fat Oriole I say to you
Now I am retired
So I sit in by chair
Eating my Oreos, double stuffed flair
Oriole oriole eating my oreos
I am fat cookie, a Baltimore storio

Copyright © arthur vaso | Year Posted 2015

Details | Light Poetry |
Summer’s winding down, it’s chillier with the new born morning dew.
So I ran out to finish painting my house, before caught in winter’s Noose.
Yeah! I DO procrastinate. It’s true! But there’s a Gall-Darn reason why!
His name is Dragon… Yes-sir-eeedie! And when he helps… Oh My!
So be forewarned, as soon there’ll be paint, found clear up to the moon! 

The first thing was the ladder…He knocked it down once or twice! 
Grandpa Troll finally, locked it in place. Now isn’t that really nice! <3
Fortunately, I’d already finished way up high, earlier in the spring. 
The penguins painted the lower parts as they made their brushes sing.
And Dragon lifted them up on his tail for another section. How sweet!

But if he can work so well with the penguins, just why did he have to… 
Knock me of my ladder, twice? A tail cramp he stated but… Honestly!
Do you believe that? Oh My? But things got worse as I spilled some paint…
On his head… It was just a drop or two. Honestly! Sorry, was what I said! 
He wiped it from his face, head, and topknot plus all that bling he wears!

But did Dragon believe me? Not on your life! But I got to hose him down.
Hey! That was fun! As we only use water based paint, with him around.
As he wiped it off his face and all he wore, I saw his eyes spark red, Darn!
Here we go, again! But EVERYONE knows not to duck beneath, my ladder.
Don’t you see! But as Dragon readied to singe my butt, a Priest came forth! 

He’d stopped by, to bless our house, just then. Now wasn’t that So Very Sweet!
I’m no dummy and asked people over, to distract Dragon, one by one, you see!
Ambulance drivers arrived to say hello! The police sold us tickets, to their ball! 
But the best thing of all, they helped paint our house. Done with brotherly love! 
We even trimmed the house in cute little penguin feet! And I turned to see…

Dragon feet going up a very tall tree. We’ll keep them. What do you think?
As a conversational piece! Then the firemen barbecued everyone some lunch.
As we got out our telescope to check the moon for Dragon paws… Sure Nuff!
They were really there! I secretly, think the neighbor witch had been involved.
I know sure well, some agency will call! I say, let THEM go wash them off! 

Now September has officially become the Dragon moon. Stop by to celebrate! 
The whole town’s here! Let the block party resume! Come on Y’all partake!
 

Copyright © Carol Eastman | Year Posted 2014

Details | Light Poetry |
Robin Hood, man in tights Julius Caesar, might makes right Alexander, called "the Great" Sitting Bull, righteous hate Robert the Bruce, Attila the Hun Charlemagne, Napoleon Hear the call of the alpha male! Warriors leave a bloody trail. George Washington, man on the spot JFK and Camelot Thomas Jefferson, renaissance man Abe Lincoln took a stand Ronald Reagan, Richard III Henry VIII, Harry Byrd Hear the call of the alpha male! In politics it's all for sale. Hemingway, Shakespeare, Kant, and Plato Chaucer, Shelley, Cicero, Cato Voltaire, Dickens, Rene Descartes Byron, Lawrence, Jean-Paul Sartre Hear the call of the alpha male! Some prefer to write the tale. Wolfgang Mozart, dead so young Leonard Bernstein's song is sung Picasso, art you love to hate Ludwig Beethoven, voice of Fate Bach, Lennon, and Shostakovich Monet, Manet, Buddy Rich Hear the call of the alpha male! Art and music fill some sails. Joe Montana, football star Michael Jordan raised the bar Wayne Gretzsky, Hall of Fame Jesse Owens changed the game Rockne, Ruth, Gehrig, Orr Chamberlain, Beckham, Man O' War Hear the call of the alpha male! Athletic prowess up for sale. Tyrone Power, Harrison Ford John Glenn, Sir Thomas More Edmund Hillary, John Donne Albert Einstein, Brigham Young James Dean, Alvin York Margaret Thatcher, Robert Bork Audie Murphy, Mohandas Gandhi Chris Columbus, Walter Ralegh Hear the call of the alpha male! Now it's time to end this tale. Woe to she who hears his cry, Destined, like as not, to die; For alpha males blaze bright and sweet, But she-moths burn inside their heat.

Copyright © Mary Oliver Rotman | Year Posted 2015

Details | Light Poetry |
A Troll in My Trunk
(Inspired by the YouTube video ‘A Monkey in your Trunk’)


Ok! Some crazy person made a YouTube video, about a monkey in your trunk.
Yep, my Trolls saw it, on their new cell phones. Now, Who would of thunk?
Honestly! I tried to take those phones away. Guess What? They said no! Way! 
They’re twitter and app crazy and with technology, are quite ready to stay.

Where did they get those fancy phones? And just where did I first, go wrong?
A modern, savvy, techno Troll… It seems to me, is just so very, very wrong!
How will I ever keep up with their mayhem, if I’m a step behind? Surely, You see?
Well, all that came to a screeching halt, on a bridge, not long ago. Eweeee!

Then I had a flat, and was thinking whom to call, while in the middle of a bridge.
When suddenly a Troll popped out of my trunk. Yes, for sure, he really, really did!
Now Trolls don’t fit in little trunks, so my spare, in there, wouldn’t be, in play. Hey!
That is, unless, a tire pancake is what you really need. But that just wasn’t me today.

So I kicked the flat and wished to myself, that all 4 tires could some how, be the same.
So Trolls being Trolls, he preceded to flatten the other three as I cried out, No! NO!
Then I muttered ‘Gee now, how am I to get the car to the other side’ Yep, then I cried!
You guessed? The Troll picked up the car and strolled off pushing the other cars aside. 

When I looked back, my Troll was now trying to take tolls, yea, wouldn’t you know?
This in turn caused still more problems, for the other cars left pushed aside in the roe.
A policeman had been called! Yep, the Sheriff of Crazyland, was now there to behold.
He gave tickets to me for disturbing the peace, and stopping the traffic flow. Oh, Woe!

Being annoyed, our Troll then picked the sheriff up, and threw him off the bridge.
Thank goodness, the bridge was small, close to the creek and also just a little smidge.
When he crawled up, his eyes were as hard as nails, and Yes, he threw the book at me.
Wet and soggy as that might be, he wouldn’t believe in my innocence at all, you see.

Soooo… I now reside in our small City Jail, as the Troll was sent home, you bet!
But oddly, there was more peace in here, than at my home, I would ever truly get.
Instead of paying my fines, I decided to do some, VERY quiet time, without my brood.
Unfortunately, without me to control my ditzy Dragon and bunch, craziness ensued.

The town was now determined to get me out… So piled them all in my cell, all about.
They won! The louts! But not without Grandpa Troll first blocking all their YouTube! 
Hey silly Trolls... Take that!

1st Place in Humorous Poetry Contest Won 5-18-2015

Copyright © Carol Eastman | Year Posted 2015

Details | Light Poetry |
I am a cliché

A soul walked along the water
The winds yelling cliché cliché
A dark soul was on the other side waiting
The winds yelled again cliché cliché

The two souls met inside this cliché
Of dark poetic solitude
They ordered drinks and black roses
In the cafe of clichés

From the skies appeared an Angel
Looking down upon this earth
At the clichés of life
The angel too walked in the bar of dead souls

Immediately she realized
I have walked into a cliché of dreams
The most terrible of poem and verse
Attacks my very, my very, yes oh yes, my very soul

Then it dawned on this angel of the evening
That he too is a cliché and somewhat confused
The three of them in the darkness of life’s parodies
They downed some shots and spilled some blood

Slightly inebriated one looked at the other two?
He demanded what the hell is a cliché anyways?
The darkest of souls, replied, I think is Spanish for friends!
This narrative my friend is a poetic rendition of the three amigos

Touché
Ops
I mean cliché
My Lobster means it too

Copyright © arthur vaso | Year Posted 2015

Details | Light Poetry |
Pinhead Lizard
Ever since he was a young boy
He played with balls of fire
From church halls to Soho brothels
He must have had them all
Aint seen nothing like this pinhead
In any amusement hall

That deaf, dumb and dumber kid
Sure plays a mean ol shtick

He weeps at mother Mary’s feet
Becomes part of the molesting dream
Feeling proud at his insulting whit
This Pinhead lizard
Sure is a wee wee twit
The gods looks down in smite and anger

That deaf, dumb and dumber kid
Sure plays a mean mean shtick

He’s a pinhead lizard
Maybe he’s drunk and very pissed
That pinhead lizard sure has a mean twist

How do you think he justifies
God sure hasn’t got a clue
What makes him an evil lizard?
Should have made him into a shoe

Aint got no education
Can’t bear the voices of reason
Don’t see no lights bulbs in that ones head
Makes no sense, but tosses insults like stale bread


He thought he was the charmer
He’s just a pinhead lizard with no crown

Ever since he was young boy
That lizard never grew up
He defames Jesus and preaches
Are all the lizards this lame?
He has his flip flop slippers
No wonder he always falls
Never failing to de-fame

He’s a pinhead lizard
Maybe he’s drunk and very pissed
That pinhead lizard sure has a mean mean twist

Written Sep 14, 2001 Parody on the song Pinball Wizard and a video game at the time!

Copyright © arthur vaso | Year Posted 2015

Details | Light Poetry |
News Flash! Dragons Back! He’s the News Hog of the Day.
No one can print, without him, becoming entangled in some way.
He heard that there’s a new newspaper lurking, around the bend.
He wants to know… if he can pose as the new Super Hero, therein?

He’s already has a cape, and cell phone, so those in trouble, can call.
But beware, of his landings, he’s known to knock things down, even walls.
Still he gives a striking pose for the paparazzi, who always following him.
He’s been made a junior fireman, because fire simply, doesn’t bother him.

He saved a cat form Old Lady Moores’ burning barn, just the other day.
Don’t believe the rumor, it started from a stray spark, one of his, they say.
Remember don’t say that, it makes our little Dragon cry…it was the wind!
Our Carpenter Trolls are building a new one; to replace the one, he did singe!

Acorn Falls is our town; Dragon seems to have put it on the map, to stay.
Folks in town are wanting a name change, to Dragon’s Mayhem Falls, today!
If you want an exciting vacation, let me know, I’ll tell you where, it’s at!
Here are the numbers to call, to contact us, and we even rent hard hats.

The carpenter Troll’s are             1-800-555- Repair & Fix
The town number has become      1-800-555- Mayhem Falls
My number for a joyous write is    1-800-555- let it rip
To Rent a Super Hero Dragon is    1-800-555-Dragon Here

Just remember that if you call Dragon, Please keep the other numbers on hand.
There’s a free coupon given, for first time services, if things don't go as planned.
And remember, if repairs are needed, a free barbecue, can be on the house.
Especially, if that’s what’s burning, so be prepared, eventually it'll be, put out!

Written 10-18-2014

Copyright © Carol Eastman | Year Posted 2014

Details | Italian Sonnet |
I never enter every contest on soup Sometimes sponsors can be very hard to please Achieving first place is not always a breeze Some don’t like me writing poems about poop Yet every person is unique in our group Some wonderful poets with great expertise Writing different forms with consummate ease To be skilled like them then I’d be cock a hoop Yet people moan when they don’t get a high place Think their poetry is much better than 'mine' Tell the sponsors their judgment is a disgrace It saddens me their feelings are so malign Criticise until they are blue in the face For each of us thinks our poems are divine Written after reading Tommy Boy's recent blog Jan Allison N/A in contest judged on 20th November Submitted to trashed #4 sponsored by Broken Wings 10~17~15 Italian Sonnet - Rhyme Scheme - abbaabba cdcdcd

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2015

Details | Light Poetry |
I stepped into a cow pie, back a year or so ago, and I did fuss and cry!
Or so I am told… Then I found a Dragon egg, and as you will surmise… 
The plentitude and size of those pies, unfolded before my poor, sad eyes.
I pooper scooped alone, as they all ran from me and it, no matter what I tried.

There wasn’t enough fussing or money, that could bring them, into my crew.
It took a great big honking cart, behind a tractor to work the deed, it’s true
Dragon wouldn’t cooperate, to even remotely, pile it wherever I did need.
In fact, he buried my rose bed: as he covered it deep, in protest, at full speed.

I thought my teenagers had capped that rebel and protest thing, to an extreme.
OH, BOY! Have I become enlightened, to what a true protest can really mean!
Yep! And then he taught the neighbors Dogasaurus, to cover my dear, old Car!
Pitchfork handy, I chased them, as an incentive to unload in another place, so far!

That was inspired, I had gamely thought, until they dumped upon, poor little me.
I became known as the Dragon pie lady, and that was not a treat, I guarantee!
And yes, the paparazzi, put it on the front page as I got my 15 minutes of fame.
At this, Grandpa Troll came, to my much-needed aid, to help me stop this game.

He put us across the lake, from each other, in time out, until a deal was struck.
When Dragon’s fire finally gave out, he finally agreed to help clean up his muck.
Dragon agreed to ash all deeds, if I’d sell it as fertilizer to buy him more ice cream.
A bargain struck, peace reigned, and a fun incentive brought about our dreams.

The moral to my story is: Anyone can start a fight… But a fun incentive can be 
                                         Golden and bring the end to any plight.

  

Copyright © Carol Eastman | Year Posted 2014