I have a theory to test
I always thought scissors was best
When I throw scissors down
A rock comes around
I should have done paper I guess
Next time it is paper I throw
And just like that don’t you know
His scissors appears
And my paper it shears
A rock would have won it and so
The next time it’s rock in my hand
I’ll win it this time – I’m the man
Then his paper comes out
Wraps my rock without doubt
This game I just don’t understand
But you know the next time we meet
He’ll be the one that is beat
I just have to think through it
Don’t know how I’ll do it
But somehow I’ll learn how to cheat
2nd place finish in contest
Copyright © mike dailey | Year Posted 2011
The world as we know it will end!
This warning the Mayans did send
But yes there's still time
After reading this rhyme
To honor Black Friday and spend
Copyright © Duke Beaufort | Year Posted 2012
Now that spring has arrived on the scene
to get out in the garden I'm keen
can't let one more day pass
without cutting the grass
since the light through my window is green!
Copyright © Viv Wigley | Year Posted 2015
Woke up this morning - had a dreadful shock
I had not set the alarm on my clock
Swore until the air turned blue -
I’d missed my job interview!
My family think I’m a laughing stock
Got phoned this morning everything’s fine -
Was offered a job by a friend of mine
Any hours I choose
I simply can’t lose
I’m a ‘secret shopper’ my job’s divine!
Contest- it was one of those mornings. Sponsor Sara Kendrick
Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016
Young Shakespeare didst say to his tutor,
"Methinks I wouldst be much astuter,
And per chance, I wouldst say,
Mightest write a screen play,
If some fool wouldst invent the computer."
Copyright © William Robinson | Year Posted 2005
When at home its often fast food I crave,
might even be leftovers that I saved,
always in a race,
open and shut case,
thank God for my nuke everything microwave!
Copyright © cheryl hoffman | Year Posted 2016
With scissors, some paper and rock,
He tried hard to make a new clock.
But his efforts all failed,
And, frustrated, he wailed,
‘It ticks but I can’t make it tock.’
Copyright © jack horne | Year Posted 2011
You’ll find us tied up with regret
We elephants never forget
This isn’t myth bunk
Thoughts can’t stay in a trunk
But play with the brain’s tape cassette
Copyright © Duke Beaufort | Year Posted 2009
Gone is the time to fear any omen
bubbling like a city of fine women
fate never assumes
as bad luck so fumes
the hour has come as life says amen.
Copyright © Funom Makama | Year Posted 2017
I'M GONNA GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE,
UNTIL I WOBBLE, WOBBLE, WOBBLE...
Copyright © Lawrence Ingle | Year Posted 2009
Out apon the sea.
Its hard to catch some relife.
Or find some time to set willy free.
It's a priates life no need to back your
Just grab a pint.
When in port avoid the sea hags.
Swab the decks and please if
ya gotta puke lean over the side.
Be a good little sea bandit
or you'll be learning were Davey Jones does
We got fish for breakfest supper and lunch.
Can somone please help the captain.
ya know with a hook for a hand its easy to
get your pants in a bunch.
I gotta walk the plank again ?
Hey it's really rude sticking me with that knife.
It sure would be nice if we put this ship in the water.
Do more than drinking and dreaming of the pirates life.
I really dont trust a captian with a poodle.
It really gets old being harrased.
And cleaning up fee fee's doodle
Dont let Larry steer.
After the tenth time it gets old.
running a ground to go fetch a beer.
No sir I dont belive we'll run into the loch ness monster
off the jersey shore.
No I dont belive the worlds flat.
And I dont care if the five year old first mate swore.
The crows nesk is a perfect place to hide from your
Were heading the wrong way check the gps.
Yes I really cant take this pirates life.
Yes captian I really doubt A mermaid stole
all the rum.
What's the catch of the day?
Sea monster sure I'll have some.
The captian is crabby and it's time for the
first mates nap.
The cook isnt crying cause he's choppin onions
Its cause he finished the briges of Madison County
yes he's a bit of a sap.
It's probaly not best to duel with a butter knife.
As we set sail yes mam we''ll have the first mate
back befor sundown.
It's kinda messed up living this modern pirates life.
Copyright © John Patrick Robbins AKA Gonzo | Year Posted 2010
There was once a young man from LaSalle,
Who quite loved to fall back in the fall.
But the spring's jump ahead
Found him lying abed
An hour late for his job at the mall.
His boss said, "Being late will not do.
Falling back means one springs ahead too.
We will show you the gate
If you come to work late.
Early bed is the right way for you."
Written for Debbie's contest. 3/2/15
Copyright © Joyce Johnson | Year Posted 2015
There once was a farmer named Brock
Who was proud of his timely cock.
‘Cept it rose too early
Surprising his Shirley
On the day we turned back the clock.
Copyright © David Fisher | Year Posted 2013
The Roses are Red
The Violets are Blue
The sunshine has got in me
And the Devil has, too.
The Sunshine’s hit Dragon
Oh what will we do?
He poo’d on my Roses
Oh I know what I’ll Do!
So I Gave him a bath
Most wonderous thing!
He’ll be stuck in the tub…
Come Hell or next Spring!
I know, I know
But The Devil won’t let go!
So I’ll Run to McDonald’s
For them lucky guys
These to bestow!
There once was a guy named Elliot
Who’s funny bone hasn’t broken yet-iot
But never fear… Grandpa Troll is here
Laughing and rolling on the floor like an id-iot
I know… I know… Don’t cry… at it!
Dragon’s the one who wrote-iot
Hey Dragon… I was THE ONE who started writing it… I say!
Well Yes… it WAS funnier that way
Well, OK! YOU WIN… I said with a grin…
Your such a silly Dragon-iot… I said with shagrin
Think he’ll get that one… in the end?
Well, Maybe just incase, I’d better start running… I say
My friends… won’t tell Dragon so it’ll be OK
Well…Maybe?… Naw… No Way!
And No…Dragon! I Did NOT get Carried AWAY!
Naw… No Way!
Copyright © Carol Eastman | Year Posted 2015
Paraphrasing old Albert Einstein,
"Compound interest's man's greatest invention".
But you'll be financially in trouble,
Expecting your buying power to double,
Because he never factored in for inflation.
Copyright © Mark J. Halliday | Year Posted 2015
At the Airport two plonkers did say
If the Pilots female it's time to pray
Wow, how sexist are we
To say such so free
Hopefully we'll see her reversing display
Copyright © James Fraser | Year Posted 2015
Her swim shorts began to show fray
Hole seemed to get bigger each day
It spread up the seam
I thought I would scream
When chubby cheeks went on display!
© Sandra M. Haight 2015
All Rights Reserved
Contest: Dumb and Dumber Personal Quotes
Sponsor: John Freeman
“A Stitch in Time Saves Nine”
The 'stitch in time' notion has been current in English for a very long time and is first recorded in Thomas Fuller's Gnomologia, Adagies and Proverbs, Wise Sentences and Witty Sayings, Ancient and Modern, Foreign and British, 1732:
Copyright © Sandra Haight | Year Posted 2015
It's two thirty, there's a knock at my door
Hey, it's my neighbour, what's he here for
"it's so plucky of you!"
Playing my Bagpipes the noo
If I wasn't, then what are you here for
Copyright © James Fraser | Year Posted 2015
My first sweetheart soul was extremely sweet
The sweet fact, she was sweet enough to eat
An agape valentine (a·ga·pe [aa g? pay] 3 syllables)
My beautiful Clementine
My fault, marriage not given time to seat!
My next sweetheart from the very first start
Almost evident that we would soon part
Creature from black lagoon
Must get rid of her soon
This sweet’s nagging, truly her state of art!
Most valentines are sweet enough to eat
Giving a marriage time enough to seat
You wish you had of eaten
It would save from repeat-en
Romance is treat, alas she warms you feet!
For contest: Valentine Day Limerick
For and in honor of Francine Roberts
Copyright © john freeman | Year Posted 2011
"The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once."--Einstein
"what's time," asked the tyke
"just pick any time you like
since they all happen at once"
as knows any horological dunce
and dickory up my clock and strike
Copyright © Thomas Martin | Year Posted 2015
Sleepy time girl.She never gets her rest.
Sleepy time girl.She never does her best.
Sleepy time girl.She's never on the ball.
Sleepy time girl.Her words! They're always
off the wall.
That little sleepy time girl.
Sleepy time girl.Sleepy time girl.
She's always late for school.
Sleepy time girl.
She never ever seems to care.
That little sleepy time girl..
Short-Song-Poem By Kim Robin Edwards
Copyright 1986,2014..ALL rights reserved..
Copyright © Kim Robin Edwards | Year Posted 2014
And so a New Year has begun,
And old resolutions are done,
But whatever you do,
When making them new,
Remember to make them all fun!
Copyright © Sharon Smith | Year Posted 2013
every year a new base
every day a new race
works often done
life always runs
thinking past of ......
walking fast as...
life always run
without new base
minding up down
thinking lane down
race rather goes ,
for everyone here ,
no hurry in between
for been furious in between
do not be fast so means,
do not be much slow
it can hang you up
and can shut you down
race always goes
if you are together
there can be a success for you
for those ,
who winds up the race.....
Copyright © arzoo akbar | Year Posted 2013
The sun came to see us today
Does that mean spring is on it’s way
And trees budding
Do we think it is here to stay?
Contest: Spring Forward
Copyright © Janet Eaton | Year Posted 2015
Why is it you never show me your face?
My feelings are hurt, so you I’ll replace!
Find another on which to pounce
Each time your team takes a bad bounce
The damage you’ve done cannot be erased
Even my fine leather is marred with grooves
From all your fanatic football fan moves
Get off your duff, I must rebuff
You’ve made my lining far too rough
Each time you move, I hope the team will lose
I have already called a moving van
To transport me to a gentler land
Where people of grace sip green tea
Pontificating times that be
By dawn in my place you’ll find the trash can
Copyright © Carolyn Devonshire | Year Posted 2009
It’s Iron Bowl Time in Alabama
By Elton Camp
Watching football may be okay
Even following it, play-by-play
However, I say, “Ho, hum”
Don’t care about the outcome
For I will use my time another way
(For readers outside Alabama, this refers to the extreme fanaticism so often seen here about the football teams of the University of Alabama and Auburn University. People who have attended neither school get all upset over it and tend to build their lives around the fortunes of the two teams. I think that’s going way too far about a dangerous child’s game.)
Copyright © Elton Camp | Year Posted 2011
She devoted her time to poetry and blogs
Addressing his many nonexistent flaws
As if his was the family, being neglected
While she refused to address his rejection
And became something too sad to even mock
You see, Dawn had succumbed to her invective
Unmedicated and overprotective
But of all the wrong things -
The lies about herself she struggled to maintain
And an impossible dream objective
And so, Dawn rots away
Her own twisted mind's slave
Spending time on a man who will never love her
Of whose affections, she is quite sure
While the ones who do care about her are estranged
She thinks only of herself
And ignores her child's wails
Mocks her husband's needs
She is the epitome of greed
And of failing mental health
Her words against him are an inner reflection
Of the emptiness that has become her own life's direction
She gets more repulsive as she pines away
And her husband is tempted to stray
But she thinks he is a fool to her deception
And most of us caught in her narrative live on
While she babbles like a moron
Taking her hate and lies wherever she can
To try and further convict an innocent man
Oh, what a sad old witch, that Dawn!
Copyright © Mindy Gregersen | Year Posted 2011
There was once a Scotsman called Jock
Who was always stroking his cock
But when the clock struck ten
He then turned to his hen
The egg basket is now restocked
Copyright © James Fraser | Year Posted 2014
Time Is the Fire in Which We All Burn
By Elton Camp
One day, Sue gave an anguished scream
How it all happened, she couldn’t dream
Hair unruly, breasts did sag
Her dress was a rag
“I once was on the cheerleader team!”
Copyright © Elton Camp | Year Posted 2011
The wife plans a spree to buy all
With husband on board at the mall
But as this takes place
He just looks for a space
To sit on a bench in the hall
Copyright © Duke Beaufort | Year Posted 2013