Funny Prayer Poems | Funny Poems About Prayer

These Funny Prayer poems are examples of Funny poems about Prayer. These are the best examples of Funny Prayer poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

If you don't find the poem you want here, try our incredible, super duper, all-knowing, advanced poem search engine.

Details | Light Poetry |

A Pirates Prayer of Thanks

I come to you with humble thanks for all that you’ve delivered, For Englishmen to walk the planks and for timbers left unshivered. I thank you for a glassy sea and the steady blowing breeze, For giving all these things to me without making me say please. And I thank you for the horizon where sea and sky do meet, For every new sun that I watch risin’ is a day of fate I’ll cheat. It is my hope dear loving Lord that I can bring you pleasure, By throwing someone overboard and stealing all their treasure. And when I navigate at night you send the northern star, I feel then that I’m alright and it’s to you that I’ll say ARRR. There’s a lesson that some people teach about the carrying that you do, But I knew that the footprints on the beach must have belonged to you. ‘Cause I got a peg and there’s no doubt it would’ve got stuck into the sand. I couldn’t have pulled myself back out because I got this hook for one hand. I’d like to see you but by some quirk my good eye got covered by my patch, I know that I’m just salvage work and it’s you who’ll batten down my hatch. So Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of rum and raise the Jolly Roger to the sky, And praise Him from whom blessings come the one who reigns on high. For I am grateful for the gifts that you have granted me, A pirate ship that is so swift and the blue green open sea.

Copyright © Tony Lane | Year Posted 2011

Details | Rhyme |


My heart was pumping hard that day I faced the maddening crowd, 
Despite the spinning in my head I stood there mighty proud. 
Though racked with pain my reddened hand acknowledged them a wave 
And to this day I've ne'er forgot, the accolades they gave. 
It was a dream come true you see to stand there in that ring, 
For rodeo was in my blood and one day I'd be king. 
The beast I drew was mean and lean ... no Chainsaw I admit, 
But still if I could just ride time I'd show them I had grit. 
I'd limbered up behind the chute preparing for the ride, 
Well knowing what was just ahead, but took it in my stride. 
The chute boss called, "You've drawn chute five, get down and make it quick." 
Then as I eyed the beast below ... I suddenly felt sick.  
That brute it tried to climb the gate and bellowed cries of fear, 
While chute hands fought to organise the necessary gear. 
I felt the violent quiver of the hide between my chaps, 
The smell of sweat, the cry of men ... a change of mind perhaps? 
Too late I felt the rope pulled taut and shoved within my glove, 
I thought it's now or never mate and sent a prayer above. 
Then as I pulled my Colly down I yelled out, "Let him go!" 
The gate flew open ... it was on ... 'twas time to rodeo. 

With whites of eyes all full of hate that beast did twist and turn, 
'Twas obvious my frame aboard was something he did spurn. 
Eight seconds on this beast from hell seemed like eternity, 
For ev'ry muscle which I owned screamed out in agony. 

Between the jars and twists and turns I heard the crowd all cheer, 
Then at long last that blessed sound of hooter in my ear. 
The pick up man then pulled me clear and was I proud ... not half! 
I'll ne'er forget that day old mate I rode that poddy calf. 


Copyright © Merv Webster | Year Posted 2005

Details | Rhyme |

At the End of the Day

There's nothing like it after a hard day's work
To ge stuck in traffic behind some jerk
He smiles in his mirror like he's having fun
So I show him my finger because he's number one

Now rush hour moves at such a horrible pace
By the time I get home there's a beard on my face
If this isn't enough to make you hot
I arrive at home and can't find a parking spot

So I park up the street and pick up a nail
If swearing was a crime, I'd be in jail
Then I walk down the street which was freshly tarred
Our neighbor's dog did his duty in our back yard

I finish my dinner and sit down for the night
To watch TV and listen to the kids fight
I look at the ceiling and softly say
A prayer of thanksgiving at the end of the day.

Copyright © Vince Suzadail Jr. | Year Posted 2007

Details | Rhyme |


I got out my pipe and stuffed it with pot, 
You better believe, it held a whole lot.
I whipped out a lighter and thumbed up a flame,
Then sucked down that smoke which comforts my brain.

I tried alcohol; and smoked cigarettes,
Though, they did nothing, but give me regrets.
My mom had arthritis and couldn't walk around. 
When I rolled her a joint, she danced on the ground.

I thought I was losing my lovemaking knack, 
But, after I smoked some, to me it came back.
Soon I decided prices were too high,
So I searched for some ground I wouldn't have to buy.

I bargained for seeds from smokers all around, 
Then, got in my truck and drove out of town.
I walked through the woods where the wild birds nest, 
And found me the meadow I thought was the best.

I dug up the ground and sowed all my seeds;
Then said a small prayer for strong, healthy weeds.
I watered at night with a five-gallon pail;
The mosquitoes went hungry for I wore a veil.

Eight months went by; I thought I would die, 
'Till the Halloween moon was high in the sky. 
One night I went out, in my camouflage suit, 
And used a corn knife to chop down the loot.

I hung it up to dry where it couldn't be found.
Then came back and got it, when it had turned brown. 
I trimmed off the buds, and stuffed them in bags,
Called all my friends and passed out free drags.

In less then a week, my crop was gone!
But, I flew to St. Thomas with love-hungry blond.


Copyright © Tom Zart | Year Posted 2006

Details | Rhyme |

Sister, Sister

Mother Superior faced a daunting task,
Like no other in her forty years.
She had prayed it simply wasn’t so,
That Godly intervention might belie her fears.

But sadly, there was no such intervention,
No relief from the duty she did rue.
Despite her hopes and all her prayers,
It had been confirmed.  What she feared was true.

So, she gathered all the Sisters after Vespers.
The impromptu meeting caused quite a stir.
There was murmuring as they filed into the chapel.
She hesitated for a moment... but no, she was sure.

“Sisters, I asked you all here to share some news.
It’s something I never thought I’d have to say.
We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.”
Mary Catherine, sixty years a Sister, said, 
“Oh, thank God.  I’m so tired of Chardonnay.” 

Copyright © Robert Candler | Year Posted 2014

Details | Haiku |

Haikus About God: V

Omniscient guy
Yet he lets bad things happen
How can he exist?

Copyright © Dan Keir | Year Posted 2013

Details | Triolet |

Falling Snow

Outside the snow is falling
The children are sleighing
Sometimes they start snowballing
Outside the snow is falling
“Dinner is served”, their Mom is calling
The children don’t hear what she’s saying
Outside the snow is falling
The children are sleighing!

Copyright © Marvin D. Schrebe | Year Posted 2013

Details | Free verse |

My confession

I am led by desire
I desire this
I desire that
I desire everything 
that all my friends’ 
have and desire
someone else has and desires it 

I know I have no use 
for most of it
but I must have it

I desire life
but not death
for the fear of it
I desire life because 
most my friends have it and want it 
and fear death because 
most of my friends fear it

when I am dead
maybe I will desire nothing
because all my dead friends 
will most likely desire nothing
and hopefully
we will most likely have no use 
for any of it

then God 
what will become of it?

Copyright © RUDOLPH RINALDI | Year Posted 2014

Details | Free verse |

- Dear God Good Night -

                           Dear God, please give me a little brother
                                    I want to be a big brother
                              Dear God, tell my father and mother
                        I`m going to be a kind and good big brother
                                Dear God, give me a little brother
                              He can get my three-wheeled bicycle
                                        I`ll teach him to ride
                                   Dear God, you must not forget 
                                      then I will need a new bike
                          Dear God, it must be blue with yellow stripes
                               Dear God, please think about this now
                              My best friend got a new bike yesterday
                       Dear God, this prayer comes from John, five years
                               living in the white house on the corner
                                     Amen and good night Dear God


A-L Andresen :)
Copyright © All Rights Reserved

- Thank you for my 2nd place in the contest -

Copyright © Sunshine Smile | Year Posted 2012

Details | Haiku |

Aliens at Your Bedroom Window

Don’t worry now child
There's no god, so worship space
You are not alone.

Copyright © Dan Keir | Year Posted 2012

Details | Light Poetry |

Death of a Salesman

Christmas comes just once a year And that should be a blessing, It’s not the birth of Christ I fear, It’s the shopping that’s so depressing. They now fire off starting guns, To start the spending is their goal. But the news stories that the TV runs, Report the shopping day’s death toll. It seems the shoppers who wait up front In these times of greed, In order to get the gifts they want Are willing to make you bleed. So say a prayer and get out of the way For it’s civility that we clearly lack, We used to call this “Shopper’s Friday,” But you see now why it’s called black.

Copyright © Tony Lane | Year Posted 2011

Details | Limerick |

Falling Down- Trochee

Every time I take a step,
I end up falling down.
Legs flying throw the air,
Making me look like a clown.

Though if I jump up in the sky,
Holding a simple prayer in my mind.
I fly....
Only to land on my behind!:-)

Copyright © Marrissa Kamckey- Harms | Year Posted 2012

Details | Clerihew |


Oh Lord,forgive the arresting officer
who first caught me when I committed crime__
for destroying my future.
Again,I pray to blindfold the inspector of police__
that He may order police officers to delete my 
picture and name from the 'wanted persons list'__
Also, make lazy police officers assigned to arrest
me from my hiding place__
Jail changed my life!

chipepo lwele
*Dedicated to hardcore Jailbirds

Copyright © chipepo lwele | Year Posted 2012

Details | Rhyme |

Menopause Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord for no more heat
For if it comes, I’ll be awake
I pray the Lord, don’t make me bake

I’ll even get down on my knees
And pray the Lord “Lord, pretty please”
Please don’t turn my furnace on
My flesh is weak, my patience’s gone

I haven’t had a good night’s sleep 
Since menopause turned on the heat
And it’s no good Lord, counting sheep
If into fire, Lord they leap

So Lord, please grant me this request
And take this fire from my chest
Let someone else be thusly blessed
And let me finally get some rest

Short Poem contest - Honorable Mention finish

written for my wife

Copyright © mike dailey | Year Posted 2011

Details | I do not know? |

The Porn Star Prayer

We do give thee thanks for the abundance
That is ours in glorious nudity
Even though some of it is saline
And some with silicon
Bless each and every one
Tell your mind what your body 
already knows
Understand this,
They wanna be you, they wanna be just like you
Because right now, you are the sexiest
Woman on God’s green Earth 


NOTE: This piece is NOT about pornography, it is a satire, a humorous jab at 
the Industry
Please enjoy with this in mind or skip over it completely Thank you

Copyright © Warner Baxter | Year Posted 2014

Details | Light Poetry |

A Cowboys Prayer of Thanks

As I ride this open range I’d like to thank the Honcho in the sky, For bushwhack beans and jerky with a wedge of Huckleberry pie. For the lonesome sound of the whistle from a far off distant train, And the sweet smell of the sagebrush right after a springtime rain. And thank you for the saloon girl, she loves me I’ve been told, I know that she surely must because she’s got a heart of gold. I’d like to say thanks for my spurs that jingle when I walk, And for my chewin’ tobacco that splatters when I talk. Thank you Lord for sending me these cowboys that I can trust, To help me watch over the cattle cause out here that’s a must. And thank you for the prairies and a land that is so wide, I can find my solitude knowing that from you I’ll never hide. I thank you Lord for all your blessings that you’ve granted me, And thank you for my life because a cowboy is what I chose to be.

Copyright © Tony Lane | Year Posted 2011

Details | I do not know? |

Country Christmas

“Country Christmas Carol”      ---  dedicated to my family

 by  Miriam  McCue (creator of flamingo art, & far.)

We love to sing Christmas songs,
My Grandson Bubba and I.
And when we sing Country Christmas.
We almost make the angels cry.

A Merry Country Christmas
To all those great Country Folk,
And even to the City Slickers,
Who also love to drink and smoke.

We’ll take a drink for Bubba, Aunt Mike and Cousin Jim, 
And hope that this Christmas,
They’ll say a prayer and sing a hymn.

Gather round the still, 
Country People all.
 And hold up Uncle Bill
So the old coot doesn’t fall. 

A Merry Country Christmas, 
One full of country joy.
Little Willie wanted a 12 gauge,
But all he got was a toy.

Copyright © Miriam McCue | Year Posted 2009

Details | Light Poetry |

A Childs Thanksgiving Prayer

Dear Lord, we gather this day to give thanks for what we’ve got, For the blessings that you’ve granted us whether realized or not. For the blessings of family love and our feelings for each other, Even though I will confess to you that I can’t stand my little brother. He never does his fair share when there’s work around here to do, I’ll get back to that situation later and fill the details in for you. I love you Lord for all the gifts; excuse me if I should gush, I’m only asking for a bicycle today to avoid the Christmas rush. I’d like to add a special thanks for giving me a second chance, For softening up my teacher’s heart, I’m thanking you in advance. And dear Lord if you don’t mind as long as I have you on the line, I’m sure that you’ll forgive me Lord because I know that you’re divine. I’d like to ask for one thing more before I let you of the hook, Next year before Thanksgiving comes, could you teach my mom to cook? Because her gravy is too lumpy and the turkey is way too dry, And the only dessert that we have today is store bought pumpkin pie. It would be nice if later we didn’t have to hear my grandpa snore, And keep grandma from drinking wine until she can’t get up from the floor. And watch over my big sis when she’s out with her boyfriend, Dad is sure that they’re doing it so why should we pretend? I guess that’s all I have right now so Lord please be on your way, And when you’re at the neighbor’s house don’t believe a word they say. In case you don’t hear from me again if I should disappear without a trace, I want to say just what a privilege it was to offer up Thanksgiving Grace.

Copyright © Tony Lane | Year Posted 2011

Details | Quatrain |

12 o'clock 12 o'clock 12 o'clock

12 o'clock... 12 o'clock... 12 o'clock! How does one set the damn clock Had to put a sheet on my new clock radio To get the damn flashing to stop Thought I was smart, quite intelligent But technology has me all bamboozled Tried reading the manual that comes with the unit To comprehend, from my brain came refusal My smart ass ten year old nephew came by "Not a problem dear uncle, I'll fix it" A minute and a half later, the damn flashing stopped Felt dorkish and kind of a twit My fervent prayer which I offer without malice That technology buries this young geek In a deluge of bits and bytes and firewalls Till no longer he can get a night's sleep! © Jack Ellison 2012

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2012

Details | Rhyme |

Uh, Tower, We Have A Problem Here

They were nearing LaGuardia Airport when the pilot felt a sudden urge.
He told the copilot to grab the yoke saying his bladder he must purge!
He left the cockpit and wended his way to the lavatory in the rear.
Thus, a series of events unfolded, some of which remain quite unclear!

Things 'flowed' along nicely until the pilot attempted to exit the john!
Alas, the door was jammed and he mused, "Is someone putting me on?"
When he tried to escape from his predicament he discovered a catch;
He was alarmed to find that the doggone door had a defective latch!

In the cockpit the copilot was growing very uneasy about their plight.
The tower called to say they were 50 miles out and were cleared to alight!
To add to his consternation, some jerk was pounding on the cockpit door,
Yelling with a foreign accent - a serious situation he dare not ignore!

The tower operator, just to be certain there would be no later regrets,
Wisely called the Air Force and they alerted a squadron of their jets!
The copilot proffered a prayer saying, "Lord, have mercy on us please!
Help, Lord!  Landing this bird alone will test my fortitude and expertise!"

In the meantime good Samaritans helped the pilot to escape his cell!
He scampered to the cockpit to take charge and all turned out well!
This mortifying escapade will be long remembered in airline lore,
About the pilot whose wings were clipped by a faulty lavatory door!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

(Based on an actual incident that occured on a flight from Asheville, NC
to LaGuardia Airport, 16 Nov 2011.   Written with just a tad of embel-

Copyright © Robert L. Hinshaw | Year Posted 2011

Details | Senryu |

A Mantis' After-dinner Prayer

prey of the day - frog
pleased mantis licks spiny hands. . . 
that was delicious

Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2010

Details | Grook |

Impatience of the proud

Impatience of the proud

The proud and the selfish always need to be first in line
They cannot wait for anyone their self- importance is so sublime
They even pray to God 'Oh Lord please help me to be patient and be kind
But, can you hurry it up please, I'm really out of time'!

John Derek Hamilton

Copyright © John Hamilton | Year Posted 2016

Details | Dodoitsu |

Not a Prayer Against the Mantis

Good Lord, Mama Mantis creeps up behind and takes a nip that stings sharp before I fall, supposedly dead. Fakeout! I still have my teeth and I hear the words, "Bite me! Wanting to give her a nip, Alexa B.'s bit! *Entry for Linda’s “Bite Me” contest. written by Carolyn Devonshire

Copyright © Carolyn Devonshire | Year Posted 2012

Details | Couplet |

Evening Prayer

I heard the whispers of the Mantis,
as I prayed, "My lord, please grant us
a moment’s peace from cricket calls
which echo always through these halls."

Said the Mantis: 
Let's thank the maker for my head
which swivels round your evening bed
and for my vision, clear and bright
to hunt those crickets in the night.

I'll start at once, I'll catch them now
if you’ll not fear me, this I vow:
that what I find, I’ll grab and keep
that you, kind sir, might get some sleep. 

With that I gave a sleepy nod,
then turned my thoughts back to my god,
but what a shock I had in store:
I'm the cricket - the chirps, my snore.

For Contest: Praying Mantis
Hosted by: Anthony Slausen

Copyright © The Grahamburglar | Year Posted 2016

Details | Rhyme |



I was leading the service at church Sunday night.
We were deep in the throes of a spiritual fight.
The preacher was gone, emotions ran high.
My first thought was no, but I knew I must try.

When it came time to pray, I wasn’t prepared.
I was feeling the pressure as everyone stared.
In searching my mind for guiding direction,
my wondering eyes made an easy connection.

He was a principled man who never said much.
Most knew him for his compassionate touch.
Before I could weigh all the risks it involved,
I had asked him to pray, my problem was solved.

He reluctantly agreed with a nervous little smile,
then started in, “God…” and paused for a while.
He struggled intently for words to compose.
As each moment passed, the room-tension rose.

A silent prayer, not what I first had in mind,
but we all had one going for words he could find.
A long awkward silence; I had counted to ten,
when he finally yelled, "Help!" and a quiet, "Amen."

Laughter burst out over what had occurred.
He summed up our anguish with one masterful word.
This spirit-filled man, I had put on the spot,
had patiently waited for the answer he sought.

Our healing began from that heartfelt plead.
When we give it to God, He knows just what we need.
With hope now replacing any thoughts of despair,
I thanked him for praying the perfect prayer.

	The Perfect Prayer was based on a true experience I had at a high-school 
	youth retreat. The scenario was slightly different, the impact was the 
	same. This piece, one of my favorites, has been published in several 
	publications. Sometime, I think, we make prayer too complicated.

Copyright © Kevin Pace | Year Posted 2010

Details | Rhyme |

Springtime Wannabe

Sweet pea, Apple blossom, Anemone, Brodea,
Peach blossom, Amaryllis, Delwood, Freesia,
Ranunculus, Calla lily, Bird of Paradise.
I think each of these smell very nice.
Needing more, these are a must.
Gardenia, Hollyhock, Narcissus,
Tulip, Wax flower, Seeded Eucalyptus.
I’m neither gardener nor a green thumb.
Must I say it, I’m rather flower dumb.
Every flower I plant quickly begins to fade.

Where to plant, what to plant, I don’t know the trade.
Alas I try every year to have a great show,
Not a lack of effort, just a lack of know.
Now if you see me in the yard digging in the dirt,
Ask God a prayer for the plants not to hurt.
Because each year I do ask God to forgive me,
Even though I fail, I’m a Springtime Wannabe.

Inspired by the contest Flowers of Spring (not an entry)

Copyright © Brian Magness | Year Posted 2011

Details | Free verse |

Driving Miss Daisy

Commit to the turn!
Turn, Turn, Turn!!!
I am behind you, see me burn! 
If you turn on your blinker
That means your going left or right
The way you drive leaves me in a fright!
Anxious I may be to get on my way
But your driving (or lack there of) is keeping us all at bay
As I take a deep breath and say a prayer for you
I am reminded that I have a grandma too
If you’re old or very young indeed
Here are some instructions for driving day by day
Commit to the turn! 
Turn, Turn, Turn!!!

A Poem for Contest “ What Annoys You” 

Copyright © Molly Cooper | Year Posted 2011

Details | Quatrain |

Collaborating In the Clouds

New Year Resolutions are fine, But they’re just not enough So I say a prayer to the Big Boss When what I want is tough For the year of two thousand and twelve I said a short prayer In hopes of getting the help I need from the boss way up there “Dear God, I wouldn’t ask for this, If it was just a whim. Please give me a fat bank account And a body that’s slim” “Last year I prayed for the same thing But it was all in vain This year be careful, Dear God, and don’t Get them mixed up again! “Well my son you don’t understand I heard both of your prayers And what you asked for, was not ignored It’s just not in my plan”
Submitted by: Charles Sides

Copyright © Charles Sides | Year Posted 2012

Details | Quatrain |

TROCHEE - Resolution and Prayer

Resolutions aren’t enough
Prayer helps when it’s tough
This year I said a shot prayer
To “The Boss” up there 

Prayed for two items from him
“Fat wallet”-“me slim”
Last year, I asked in vain
Don’t mix-up again!

Copyright © Charles Sides | Year Posted 2012

Details | Verse |

Behind a Vegan Moon

No one likes dead lettuce
It must be crisp and cool
And dousing wounds with vinegar
Is certainly not cruel!

For Vegans can not see
Why lettuce choose to be
On a different frequency
Than Donald Trump might be

A salad will pass away
Shivering with cold today
Disgusted Vegans will say,
"I never heard lettuce pray"

Copyright © Rico Leffanta | Year Posted 2017