Evil Funny Poems | Evil Poems About Funny

These Evil Funny poems are examples of Evil poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Evil Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Verse |

Peg-Leg Pete The Pirate And Dirty Deadeye Dan

Peg-Leg Pete the Pirate was a very evil man,
He used to eat his dinner from a filthy frying pan,
And when he’s finished eating he’d play “catch me if you can”
With his desperado first-mate known as Dirty Deadeye Dan.

Now Dan was quite a ladies man, but also fond of booze,
In bars and streets and hotels he liked to drink and cruise,
He used to taunt old-Peg Leg Pete by dragging up old news,
Like Pete had only ever needed half a pair of shoes.

One day Pete had quite enough and things got pretty scary,
Confronting Dirty Deadeye Dan whose mood was always lairy,
A sudden hush fell on the room when Pete clumped in the bar
And Dan called out: “Hey, Peg-Leg, hop on over, have a jar.”

Peg-Leg Pete the Pirate clasped the pistol on his hip
And snarled at Dirty Deadeye Dan: “Enough of your damn lip.”
The floozy sat upon Dan’s lap was dumped onto the floor
And Dan rose to his feet and hissed: “You’d best limp out the door.”

Across the sawdust, blood-stained floor they faced each other down,
And you could hear a pin drop from the other side of town,
Eyes were locked and fingers twitched and seconds seemed like days
The tension burned unbearably and shimmered in the haze.

Both men drew their pistols and both men fired fast,
Flame spat from the barrels with the bullets roaring past,
But neither man could aim for squat and when their guns were done
They’d killed two people in the bar but they weren’t either one.

The barman Blind-man Billy Bragg and the floozy Scar-Faced Sue
Lay dead as dead as doornails, as doornails tend to do,
And through the pall of gun-smoke and the mist of rum and beer
Deadeye Dan called out to Pete: “We’d best get out of here.”

And so they did, they fled the bar, and vanished in the night,
Back to their ship, The Crippled Cock, and sailed on out of sight,
Never to return to shore, and never seen again,
The rumour is they sank and drowned just off the Spanish Main.

The moral of the story is that when you draw a gun,
Be prepared to end your days always on the run,
“Or in your case, always on the limp,” said Dirty Deadeye Dan
To Peg-Leg Pete the Pirate, that very evil man. 

Copyright © Tony Bush | Year Posted 2006

Details | Rhyme |

Voodoo Doll

There's a person you'd like to curse,
so a voodoo doll, then make first;
Upon that doll now cast a spell, 
summoned from the wicked in hell;
Now you need some pins and needles,
bring the pain of pitch forked devils;
The length of pins make sure are long,
the devils pain will be more strong;
The more a needle's thick and round,
will make the pain be more profound;
Must take your victims' lock of hair,
attach it to the doll to wear;
The doll, up high, hold in the air,
Into the doll's eyes, you must stare;
Call the doll by your victims name,
while at the doll, the needle aim;
Curse the name as you stab it in,
twisting and turn it as you grin;
With needles stuck about the head,  
each needle deeply did embed;
With legs, all over, stuck with pins, 
you now must wish the curse begins.

Copyright © Tony Sampson | Year Posted 2014

Details | Rhyme |

Typically Luke Poem 14 - CAPTAIN EVIL EYE

Captain Evil Eye is here More a super villain than a hero Just one look from his evil eye Your temperature drops to zero Yes it is Luke’s little party trick This thing he does with his eye When he stares at you with that look You don’t know whether to laugh or cry Go and do your homework And Captain Evil Eye is there Go and tidy up your room You’ll see the steely glare Come on now it’s time for bed The evil eye stares you down Captain Evil Eye looks a little Like some psychotic clown But even super villains get tired And we eventually get our way As Captain Evil Eye is put to bed His evil work done for the day

Copyright © Gary Wayne Hill | Year Posted 2013

Details | Limerick |

The Joker 1

(Limerick) Batman and Robin sped to their car But the Joker outran them by far Joker got in it But he didn't fit Then yelled" Guess have to throw my guitar!" Dorian Petersen Potter Aka ladydp2000 Copyright@2014 09.16.2014

Copyright © Dorian Petersen Potter | Year Posted 2014

Details | I do not know? |

Insecurity Kills

Once there was me in an old blue shirt,

He noticed me when I got so much dirt.

I was imperfectly looking great in my own grace,

You are so perfect enough to stain my timid place.

I’m flawlessly high and you’re so not

Are you insecure because you’re a rugged knot?





I'm seeing your face with your troop of skanks,

You throw hard rocks on me when I'm at your back.

Faking your smile is little bit horrendous,

Making you novel is incredibly tremendous.

I'm deliberately well and you're trying it hard,

You're just insecure because you can never be a bard.




Hit the ground when you saw my imperfection,

You missed respect and want a strong insurrection.

I’m not stooping down into your shallowness,

Playing your foolish games is not my happiness.

How can an evil look so angelic when he’s in crowd?

He’s insecure you know because he can never be so loud.





It’s infamy when he says he’s everything,

I just know the score that he was only cheating.

You portray a gruesome look on your face,

I’m not frightened to hit it using with my white shoe lace,

Have you realized that we’re not on the same page?

Stop such insecurity because it will be your useless sage.

Copyright © Lei Strauss | Year Posted 2014

Details | Rhyme |

The Evil Shopping Cart

In car seats sitting in a parking lot, grocery store
We witnessed a most ghastly gore  
An out of control shopping cart
On a path toward my car door

I yelled, “WHAT DO I DO?!”
When in a panic
One often has no clue

I panicked and raced
To get keys into place
But they landed 
Jingling to the floor
You said, “HURRY!!!!”
I tried my best to scurry

Relieved when the key and ignition
Made love
I threw it in reverse
For the cart wasn’t to be coerced 

When we escaped
Feeling like heroes, caped
We put the groceries on the counter
And made love for an hour

Copyright © Liberty Robbins | Year Posted 2012

Details | Light Poetry |



Copyright © Muhammad Safa Thajudeen | Year Posted 2015

Details | Ballad |

Sir Archibald and the Black Knight - Part 1

Let me sing you a tale, a story of old,
Of a man without fear, of a knight brave and bold,
He sought out adventures, whenever they called,
And the name of this knight was Sir Archibald.

Whilst out riding his horse, a steed of great power,
He saw in the distance a creepy old tower,
At the top of this tower lived a pretty young maid,
Who was cold and was lonely and longed to be saved.

“Oh Sir Archibald, won’t you please rescue me?
I’m stuck in this tower and there’s nowt on TV.
I’m forced to stay in here, and wash all these socks,
While the evil Black Knight holds the keys to the locks.”

Sir Archibald loved the maiden so fair,
With her glittering eyes and her long golden hair.
“Of course I will save you!” was the knight’s brave reply,
“Or at least I shall give it a jolly good try!”

Sir Archie rode onwards, as fast as he could,
Until he came to the edge of the wood,
And there stood before him a terrible sight,
The tall, strong and mighty, the evil Black Knight.

The Black Knight was massive, someone to be feared,
With a scar on his face and a huge tatty beard,
Our villain’s description is only complete,
When we mention his dark eyes and big smelly feet.

“What do you want?!” called he with the big booming voice,
Of a man you’d avoid if were given the choice,
“You’ve got a young girl there, who you must set free.
Let her go now, or else answer to me!”

Copyright © Sharon Smith | Year Posted 2013

Details | Light Poetry |


Heart and thoughts like a bull cart,
To walk together straight, 

Behave like an enemy my thoughts, 

Reminding the one did depart,
Pinning my heart!

Copyright © Muhammad Safa Thajudeen | Year Posted 2016

Details | Narrative |

The Devil Dances In Clawed Feet

 The Devil Dances In Clawed Feet
         (A lively little jig too) 

I dreamed of darkness in a room round
there were in it boxes dark black.
Opening each nothing in it was found
except a worn and torn empty sack.

After the heavy lids I then closed
strange figure sat in the corner.
And there it smiled big as it posed
hat removed, it was a two horner!

Now give the devil his credit and due
for in his hand a snake appeared.
Why on earth it laughed I had no clue
I was shaken and much a'feared!

As it crawled over to my shaking feet
devil rose to dance a jolly jig.
Music played to a dark, horrific beat
and my wide eyes got saucer big.

In fear, I stomped the snake into mush
devil only laughed hard at me.
With a wicked grin and whispered hush
told me what the cost would be.

Say I was shocked, hell I was floored
his price was a dance with me.
A fine, lively jig because he was bored
only then did clawed feet I see!

Music played another lively little beat
my arm he grabbed and we danced.
While my eyes never left his clawed feet
in his delight, my how he pranced!

Finished he took himself a mighty big bow
into sacks in the boxes he leaped.
Now my mind wondered what and the how
was devil's torment next be reaped!

The boxes vanished leaving sacks of gold
there was gold coins in each sack.
Now I believe every devil story I am told
and pray -
Like hell, my dancing partner comes back!

R.J. Lindley

Note- From my private journal. I was 18 when I
wrote this one. I think I thought it quite funny.
Sept 12th, 1972

Side note-- Money all gone now but those sacks now hold

Copyright © Robert Lindley | Year Posted 2015

Details | Light Poetry |

What Just Happen to My Spring

I looked out side to find a nice day in the month of May
And was walking in the evening just to say
I almost cried and my hands got cold
And winter month got so bold
It was so frustrating and out of the norm
And each person in their heart had a storm
It's the month of May what the! happen to spring
And my headache began to ring
Most people on the first day of May was so happy
And now they look out on the second day sappy
I just want everyone to know it is May 2, 2013
And nothing should be in between
So pullout your snow shovels in dismay
And things you should know will be okay
So good morning to all and to all a good morning
And I just want you to be out their in a warning
The snow is at six inches and beyond
And you will not see green grass in dawn
I help myself by writing this poem
And I will be staying at home
Crazy the weather became bad in May and nasty
I brought out some of my snack and that was tasty
I just looked outside while I was eating
As the snow kept on beating

Copyright © Reynaldo Mast | Year Posted 2013

Details | Shape |

Evil Genius

my own
a number of
times until the
memory filled up. 
Now no-one can call.
I got me a quiet weekend.

Copyright © Bill Lindsay | Year Posted 2015

Details | Free verse |

Lobster Bile

I was afraid.
The morsel of fear laid upon my finger
It laughed at my dismay

It was quick.
Leaping from my hand
To my carnivorous cave

It reminded me of home.
My moms warm garlic
mashed potatoes

Dancing around
Swirling with such soothing grace
It was peaceful, calming

It tasted like a buttery roll
A divine gift from the gods
Which fell gracefully upon my tongue

It timorously tumbled down my throat
Feebly and weak
I conquered it.

Then it sank its sharp fangs into my gullet 
Causing my nostrils to flair
And my eyes to water

Its taste was deceiving
Mimicking its appearance
It was evil.

It thrashed around
and slowly finished sliding down my throat
But it was gone.
I rejoiced over the demise of my foe.
I conquered the unconquerable.

Copyright © Brian Byrne | Year Posted 2015

Details | Light Poetry |


A girl and boy in pair,
A phone,water near,
Cotton and fire,
Connect soon like wire!

Copyright © Muhammad Safa Thajudeen | Year Posted 2015

Details | Free verse |

Shades Of Grey

                                                                        Shades Of Grey

A peril of sort left my job moved up North

In islands in the stream some apparent evil scheme
Shades of grey by its means something don't actually turn out to what they mean
Shades of grey silver smile walk the old river Nile
A plate of fries evil pass getting to know the midnight pass

Shades of grey all torn up inside we will hide
Souts of joy then applause some may insist on it being a lost cause
Sadly we put up with the chill running down the spine evil swine
In deepened peril outside twilight Christmas Carol

Shades of grey how they swoon to its nightly visible tune.

Copyright © Mario Vitale | Year Posted 2012

Details | Rhyme |

A Puritan Seizes a Book of Satan

A Puritan Seizes a Book of Satan

By Elton Camp

In his church great evil does abound
A wicked book the reverend has found
It belonged to his church’s worst reprobate
Such an evil tome the reverend does hate

Lest the whole church risk the Divine ire,
He is determined to throw it into the fire
“Consuming fire doth purge sins away”
Is one of the pious things he loves to say

But its devilish origin he must truly ascertain
So with him for a time, the book must remain
So as the book he commences to carefully read
His wildest fears he finds it doth far exceed

That such words can appear on the printed page
Throws the pastor into the most violent rage
But what the outcome of the story will be
The righteous puritan is quite eager to see

There’s no doubt such filth must be destroyed
But with his carnal nature the preacher has toyed
And he continues to read with unbounded delight
Though careful to do it only under cover of night

Copyright © Elton Camp | Year Posted 2012

Details | Free verse |


 -Dharga Nagar Safa

Q married to U,

To keep,




Copyright © Muhammad Safa Thajudeen | Year Posted 2014

Details | I do not know? |

Alert - Evil Has Escaped

Alert -Evil Has Escaped

May I have your attention please!  May I have your attention please! 
Early sunrise, yesterday eternity, evil escaped. Its real and it’s a big deal. It was given life twice for a hideous crime that doesn’t rhyme.

Be careful and keep in mind, there is no shame in evil’s game. Evil comes in many disguises, and has been known to change your life without a fight.

As we speak, evil was just seen at 33rd and Good Hope Street.  Two victims in a dispute suffered great mental, physical and spiritual pain. My, my,  another two claimed.

You ask, is there an M O, for this evil. The answer is, for sure. We must not allow it any more.  Just last week, two friends in school were fooled.

  Evil does what evil does best; it attacks your sanity, when you had little rest.
It has no respect for age, gender, sex, religion or nationality. 

Selfish and extremely dangerous. If seen, please notify the nearest Office of Goodness and Mercy.  Or contact Goodness directly at www.goodnessgotyourback@Bgood.com.

As a result of your call, evil was arrested and picked out of a profile. Judge ‘Tired Of’, selected a jury who is mean and furious.

After the evidence was brought in, evil was told to raise it right hand and be sworn in. Evil refuse to tell the truth, arguing it was against my belief.  The judge said don’t worry, you want get any relief this day, not even a brief stay.

As a result of it crimes, Evil was banished from the face of this earth. And given two hours before sunset to remove itself from the minds and hearts of humanity, or face a deadly calamity.

Friends, it’s within your will to let peace be still.
Dr. “G”

Copyright © Franklin Goode | Year Posted 2012

Details | Free verse |

Lost path

The way was too long,
Buy I'm afraid to look back,
The scent of blood floated in Breeze,
It slowly started to drizzle!

The moon turned red,
The bloomed flowers turned to bud-
Oh! That was mysterious,
The path started to disappear!

 Faraway white dress lady ,
With scariest look and blood shedding eyes,
Made its way towards me,
And there I lost sleep!

Copyright © Manu Ranjini | Year Posted 2017

Details | Rhyme |

Clown's Evil Brown

Clown’s Evil Brown

My head spins around
When I see my house
Covered in brown.

My new puppy
Clown hasn’t
Gotten around
To learning his
Potty training.

There is so much
Vile brown
To clean up.

I’m may have
To call my boss
And say my
Aunt died.

I have to skip
Town, just so
I can clean
Up Clown’s
Evil Brown.

Copyright © Marie Harrison | Year Posted 2010

Details | I do not know? |

My Cat's Evil Mind

What is it with my cat?
She walks around
Tail in the air
She is so proud
I know that she thinks
She has a mind
Planning and scheming
How can she bug me today?
What can she do today?
“Is that book ready to be knocked to the floor?”
“Should I knock over that hot cup of coffee?”
“That should wake him from his nap.”
I know that she plans against me
Even her “meow” tells me to beware
I look at her eyes
Black with just a touch of gold
They hide evil
They show how much I should fear.
She is not my pet
She never has been
I am her prisoner and she knows what she can do
She knows how to keep control
She knows that I am her pet

Copyright © R. e. taylor | Year Posted 2009