Acrostic Funny Poems | Acrostic Poems About Funny

These Acrostic Funny poems are examples of Acrostic poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Acrostic Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Earth Day

~Planet of the apes~

Ape should inherit the world
Perhaps  --maybe, just maybe!
Earth has a chance 


Copyright © Poet Destroyer A | Year Posted 2015

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Lines to Live by Thanks M W

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up.
Every woman knows, an ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises. 
When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.
Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from.
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day - and another, in case it doesn't rain.
Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.
When they say boldly go where no man's gone before, they don't mean the kitchen.
Honey when I said I wanted something to hang my hat on I didn't mean THAT!
Any port in a storm is a good way to divorce court dearie!
Titillating is not an excuse for going to girlie bars.
Anyone got a buck I could sure use one?
Grab a piece of arse will you, it may be the last thing you ever grab.
Anal retentive? You don't say!
Lip service now there's a concept.....

*Listen for the drum roll!

Copyright © Debbie Guzzi | Year Posted 2010

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Chocolate Kiss

C hocolate Candy Emmmm what a treat.
H as sweet ingredients that can't be beat.
O h what delight to put in our mouth and eat.
C hocolate a passionate lovers sweet.                              (
O nly the lonely will not eat this meat.                             (
L overs who Love chocolate will find this neat.                 ^
A ll chocolate will cause lovers to stay in heat.               &  &
T ake your time and savor this candy.                         %    %
E ach one of you knows it makes you randy.               @@@@@      

K issing with chocolate covered lips is bliss.
I n your mouth each tongue will entwine with a kiss.
S o get yourself some chocolate today.
S weet chocolate candy will help you to play!

Copyright © Marty Owens | Year Posted 2010

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Don't Even Ask: Collaboration With Daniel Turner

Have you ever had one of those days 
On the wrong side of the bed, bad days 
When everything right went wrong 

Cause the ding had lost it's dong 
Ouch, Mr. Sun came peeking in 
Up from bed and banged your shin 
Leaky, full toilet overflowed 
Damn, you stubbed your other big toe 

Times like this: don't you love those days 
Hardly anything seems to go your way? 
Is little Johnnie turning green 
Splat! Is that doggie ice cream? 

Gas oven took a dump 
Everyone’s oatmeal was in clumps 
The kids were late AGAIN for school 

Wasn’t that traffic cop a tool? 
Oh, you should've just stayed in bed! 
Rolled back over and called in dead… 
Shoot! An hour late for work 
Emptied Starbucks on your shirt 

Dare you ask how this could get worse? 
Others think you're such a jerk. 
Next, the boss comes barging in 
Tells you,"Look for work again" 

Everything was going wrong 
Vacation's gonna be a little long 
Even your wife’s rope is at an end 
Now she says, "Let's just be friends" 

An asteroid fell from the skies 
Smashed the beer between the thighs 
Kick yourself for getting out of bed

Collaboration with Daniel Turner

Copyright © Tom Quigley | Year Posted 2016

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The Birds and the Bees "Closely-Knit Trio"

The Birds and the Bees

A “Closely-Knit” Trio

The macho
Entered the
Bar to
Inspect the local female population
Sultry “ladies” sat
And sipped wine
Not giving him one glance
Drawing closer
To a trio of
Enticing “women”
Big Joe tried to
Engage one in conversation
Evasively she lit a cigar and said,
“Sorry, but our threesome suits us just fine”  

Acrostic for Carol’s “The Birds and the Bees” Contest

Copyright © Carolyn Devonshire | Year Posted 2010

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Crazy, Yes

Crazy is defined by the crazy things you do
Really crazy things are just too crazy, too
A crazy person laughs when no one is around
Zealous crazy people are too busy to be found
Yes, crazy is as crazy does, who really can define?

Your definition of crazy is well kept in your mind.
Even when you’re normal, crazy still remains
Some keep crazy in their hearts, to look like they’re still sane. 

Copyright © Michael Degenhardt | Year Posted 2008

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A is for apathy, “You all know you are!”

B is for itching, “Why can’t I have a car?”
U is for the umbilical cord. You never cut from Ma.
N is for neutral, “Why should you take a stand?”

D is for dependent, “Hey, one always needs a hand!”
A is for angry, “Well, why the hell shouldn’t I be?”
N is for nostalgia, ‘cause in the past we’re free.
C is for the ocks ;) who run the whole damn show!.
E is for euthanasia, “When your old just GO!”

And all that spells abundance, in case you could not tell?
Or went to school in Texas and never learned to spell.

Copyright © Debbie Guzzi | Year Posted 2009

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G ood God! How I’ve tried,

E ven outright denied

M any times the persona you see.

I nside of my skin,

N either conscience nor kin,

I have you and yes, you and that’s me!

Copyright © Gerard Keogh Jr. | Year Posted 2009

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the bear

there once was a bear
who lived in belair 
he owned a red hen
who made eggs for his kin
then one time like most bears do
the bear got hungery 
and ate the red hen 
and her last eggs of ten
with a gulp and a swallow 
down went the hen 
but wait..
now there was no hen to lay eggs for his kin.

Copyright © brandy wassam | Year Posted 2014

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Cookies are addictive!
OoOoH! Here's one to snatch!
Okay...where's the chocolate chips?
Kraving too many of these treats
I want some now! But...I might get beeefy...
Every bite is mouthwatering, soft and crisp
Should I take another cookie?

Copyright © JW Earnings | Year Posted 2013

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L ola watched
I rma’s drunken
V eronica impression.
E velyn said,
L ouise knows
A ndrea was
U ma’s half-sister.
G ladys was
H azel’s love-child.
L isa raised
O ma’s kids.
V irginia smootched
E unice’s husband.

* For the Live, Laugh, Love Acrostic contest. 

Copyright © John Trusty | Year Posted 2010

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But for that crazy, ill-conceived bidet,     
I'd say using a loo is serious business.    
Darn it, think of a sudden April shower      
Encroaching upon your pretty posterior,      
Tickling it, the nearest thing to heaven!

Copyright © Wilfredo Derequito | Year Posted 2008

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Principally, pretty Penny the poet gave the ILLUSION of preening
Outside the Palace in the portico pre-party. 
Edward the Bard entered elegantly, elaborating with an INFUSION of
Trendy calligraphy pens and colored inks of CREATIVITY.
Ralph, the Shakespearian sonnet writer EVENTUALLY strolled in with a scroll.
You would think none of them new each other, as they
Practically knocked each other over getting to the press.
At any other time, Annabelle the actress would have been
Languishing on a director’s arm but tonight, she had 
An editor! How INEVITABLE! Clarisse came to the Palace Ball dressed as
Cleopatra and carrying a clay tablet full of 
Egyptian poetry, who would win for best piece was anyone’s guess.	

Poet:Debbie Guzzi

Copyright © Debbie Guzzi | Year Posted 2011

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Buzzing Bee

My ears are buzzing
Carefully I listen
Keep still I say
Entangled is a bee
I chuckle to myself
Ending the life of the bee.

Copyright © Mckenzie Argall | Year Posted 2012

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My Hat

Orange, black, and white
Keep it pulled down tight.

Sits on my head with pride
Taking care of my uncombed hair
Ageing with daily wear
Threaded with the letters OSU
Eskimo Joe wears one too.

Copyright © Brian Magness | Year Posted 2011

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my bet

I bet on a horse and it won
50 quid is not a huge sum
So I bet again and still won 
But 100 quid is still a small sum
So I bet again and guess what?
Yes, I won
But 300 quid is still not a big sum
So you know what I did? Yes u do
I bet again and yes I won
But 500 quid is not a big sum,
So I decided to go to the zoo 
to buy a gorilla who had flu
I got him cheap, but he was big, 
bigger then my 500 sum
I bet  he could swim, jump, play 
polo and clean out a sump
He did all this with much glee, but I 
am still not rich you see
My poorly gorilla costs me a lot, the 
vets are an expensive lot
So my 500 quids are no more, and 
my gorilla looks sad even more.
So I sold my pet to my vet, cus he 
wanted him as a pet
Now I have 500 to bet, and yes on a 
horse. I bet
My horse was called gorilla in the 
Gosh what a fantastic twist.
Surely my horse should win this 
race, and yes he did, at a casual gait.
Now I have 1000 quid to my name, 
so back to the zoo, for some other 
I brought a giraffe, with my stake, 
he had a long neck and he smelled 
But my story ends here as my Dr 
Come on he said to me, what have 
written on your pad?
Wow said my Dr that’s just great, 
now time for your medication date!

Copyright © gary phoenix | Year Posted 2013

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Copyright © Brandon Purnell | Year Posted 2013

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Easter EGG, Abecedarian: with egg shape-

                       April Aroma...
                     Beckons Beauty.
                   Come Children!!!....
                 Daisies Daffodil.........
                Fun Filled Freedom.......
                  Giddy Giggly Games...
                    How ya' Hangin'???
                       Just Jolly Joey!

              HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!!!

Copyright © JSLambert Mister ROBOTO | Year Posted 2011

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Leo, an Astrology Acrostic

Leo, an Astrology Acrostic
    by Amy Swanson

Loyal friend who'll laugh with you, the sun rules their playful heart;
Engagingly eclectic, they'll give all they have; forgive them if they seem a little bossy. 
Outgoing with majestic charm, they'll walk with you until the very end.

*Inspired by Danielle White's astrology acrostic contest*  -- I had to get in on the fun! :)

Copyright © Amy Swanson | Year Posted 2009

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Keep it polite, please......(my WORST poem ever!!!!)

Four Ugly Colored Kittens 
Often Fight Fatigue

Sugar Honey Iced Tea
Helps Everything Any Day

Darn Umpire Misjudged Ball
Can't Understand Normal Thinking

Gary Only Dreamed Darla Answered Mail Now
As She Started Having Other Liaisons Earnestly

Copyright © Jim David | Year Posted 2010

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The Birds And The Bees

To talk about ‘The Facts’ makes some parents put on a show,
Hatching up answers to questions their children should know,
Enduring the same fate as their elders from times long ago.

“Babies,” Mommy says, “Come from a big cabbage patch.
Indeed! A stork flies over to spot which cabbage to catch.
Risking it all, she swoops down for the bundle in just one snatch.”
Dad then pipes in, “Not to pick just any, the cabbage must match!”
So it goes, as parents quickly warm to the stories they hatch. 

Anticipation of kids’ questions makes parents sweat rivers.
Normally, Junior has never seen Mom so taken with shivers.
Dad tries once more to describe just how the stork delivers.

“There’s a time when a honeybee was tired from his weary flight,
Having flown over too many cabbage fields with no honey in sight.
Exactly that moment the stork also was searching with all of her might.

Beautiful Stork and sweet Honeybee looked at the other and smiled,
Exchanging information, they followed directions each had compiled.
Eventually, the bee got to the hive and the stork found her precious child.
Son, that’s the story about the birds and the bees flying high out in the wild.”

Copyright © Virginia Mitchell | Year Posted 2010

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Elastic stretches bit by bit, around your thick dimension Lets you wiggle, if you're pudgy, from too much fudge retention A second, you're ecstatic....Alas, you've licked the kettle! Should I tattle or meddle much, or call for intervention? Thus, your middle may need attention, is it a time for fudge redemption? I hope you won't judge my good intentions, or hold a grudge.... OOPS! Caught by chance, I wear stretch pants!! Your fudge tastes quite fantastic!!
_________________________________________________ 9/24/13 For Andrea's "Seven" Contest

Copyright © Carrie Richards | Year Posted 2013

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A lthough I’ve attempted some difficult and
N eddlesome poems in my decades of writing,
T he ultimate challenge had to be an acrostic
I n which the longest English word was chosen.
D eciding to undergo the absurd challenge
I delved into the history of these useless words and
S oon it became abundantly clear that
E asily the most popular of the contenders,
S hellacking Shakespeare’s ‘honorificabilitudintatibus’ and
T aught to students from kindergarden to grade twelve, was
A ntidisestablishmentarianism.
B ut sadly, there were multisyllabic monsters even
L onger, like the one we came to know and love
I n Walt Disney’s 'Mary Poppins'-
S upercalifragilisticexpialidocious- which
H as fourteen syllables and a letter count of 34.
M ost linguists agree that deciding on the longest word
E ntails whether or not you allow chemical
N ames like dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane
T ypically referred to as DDT.
A nother matter is the acceptability of lingo,
R igmarole, jargon, balderdash, twaddle and 
I diomatic gibberish…
A ntidisestablishmentarianism,
N ot withstanding its pedantic appeal,
I s clearly the lexiconic choice and
S hould win the ‘Longest Word’ crown
M ade from elbow patches and Donegal tweed.

© 2009 James Rasmusson

Copyright © James Rasmusson | Year Posted 2010

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Spaceship (acrostic with rhyme)

Spend your hard-earned cash on fuel for takeoff.
Pray that the government does not find out until gone.
Allow your free time for checking weather, not golf.
Case the local food store for dry goods you can con.
Evaluate your water supply needs, no water in cosmos.
Secure a safe place for waste, body waste floats to easy.
Have welding knowledge, so your stored rocket is close.
Internet may bring suspicion making government queasy.
Plan to go up straight in the air, horizontal rockets scare.

Copyright © cecil hickman | Year Posted 2009

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Raccoon Went A Wooing

R ascal with a twinkle in his dark-ringed eye
A morous feeling frisky under a full moon's light
C at strolled by- her voluptuous tail swishing to and fro
C oy glances by feline big blues
O vert flirting, then invited her to dine
O pulent feast of restaurant scraps made her swoon...
N uptials next - rascal raccoon carried her over the threshold of their new home.

for "Tell Me About It" contest
sponsored by Francine Roberts

Copyright © Carol Fillmore | Year Posted 2011

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H Hell breaks loose when Papa comes along,
O One studiously studying, now jumping and singing a song!
O One prankster eating, now his plate a mish-mash!
L "Lets hug Papa tight, before Mamma could lash."
I I am sure my naughty ones are over the moon
G Going by their frantic pace I'll go crazy too soon!
A  and now I hear them complain," Mamma nags."
N Now suddenly in my disciplined life, behind, the order lags.
I Its a win-win situation for them, my word will have no gains
S Somehow in a protected territory, even these deer will turn fierce lions!
M My house thus is a home to two sweet hooligans!

Sponsor: Catie Lindsay

Copyright © Yesha Shah | Year Posted 2012

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Poetry Palace Now Open For Tourists--Beware

Peek, if you dare…inside my Palace of CREATIVITY
Observe my drafty walls, and rhyming dungeons                                     ^^
Enter, my friends, with no delusions!                                             ^^
There are marbled halls of mass confusion… 
Regarding your ILLUSION, of metaphoric INFUSIONs,… 
Your opinions may falter, upon the alter, compared to other verses                ^^

Poetic attempts, and past regrets, are ghostly curses
And with INEVITABLE blunders, they rattle off meter, the echos could haunt you!
Lest you dare, just beware, dear readers….  WATCH YOUR STEP!                          ^^
As your guide, I’ll confide….people have died!
'Cause this Poetry Palace, has bats in the belfry! (As everyone knows)…
EVENTUALLY, this palace place should be foreclosed! 

For Linda Marie’s Contest “Poetry Palace”
By Carrie Richards

Copyright © Carrie Richards | Year Posted 2011

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So divinely exhilarating, yet
Exhausting and contorting -
X-rated gymnastics!

Copyright © Wilfredo Derequito | Year Posted 2008

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The Need for a Pot...

Poetic hunger made me starving one night
Opened laptop pretending I am taking a bite
Empty stomach and soul were not satisfied 
Transient beggar of mind -  didn't feel right!
Recipes great  from my Epulaeryu  site
Yielded spoonfuls of  rhythm  and humor so bright
So I fired up the stovetop,  asked friends for a light
Our fantasy soup  flooded steams of delight
Uniquely created  in a midsummer night
Patiently stirring talent by a secret White Knight...

for: Adeleke's  contest "Poetic Picture of POETRY SOUP"

Copyright © iolanda Scripca | Year Posted 2010

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               A to Z, each is an alphabet 
              Twenty six letters in the set

    Arits ate Apple, Almond, and Apricot
    Brown Bread, Butter, Biscuit Bought.
    Crate Contains Corn, Cucumber, Carrot, Coconut
    Dates, Dumpling, Drumsticks, Doughnut
    Elevator, Escalator Enabled Entry Exit Easy
    Fine Fancy Frock Fits Fantastic Fairy.
    Ground Growing Green Grass, Goat Grazing
    Haunted House Horrible, Hound Howling.
    Intelligent Investigator in Isolated Island
    Jovial Jockey, Jubilant Joker Jocund
    Kangaroo Knows Karate, Kite Kidnaps Kingfisher
    Leopard Lifting Left Leg, Loud Laughter
   Monkey Managed Molasses. Muffin, Melon
   Nursemaid Needed Nice Nankeen not Nylon
   Owl, Ostrich, Otter, Octopus, Oyster on Outing
   Parrot, Parakeet Picking Pellets, Peacock Pecking
   Quick, Quick ! Quiz Questionnaire query
   Rushing Rhino, Running Rabbit, Rodent Rat Rivalry
   Snake Scares Scorpion, Swan Sips Sour Soup
   Turtle Tastes Tortilla, Tiger Trains Turkey – Troop
   Unicorn Using Unusual Uniform, Urban Uncle Under Umbrella
   Violet Vase, Velvet Veil, Vegetable Van, Vacant Villa
   Wasp Waving Wings, While Wild Wolf Wanders
   Xerox, Xenon, Xylophone, X-Ray, X’mas
   Yellow Yolk, Yummy Yogurt, Yak Yawning
   Zero-Zillion; Zoo: Zany Zebra Zinging
,    101 in A Row Contest - 7
           by Poet Destroyer A  

Copyright © Anisha Dutta | Year Posted 2015