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Funny Christian Poems | Funny Poems About Christian

These Funny Christian poems are examples of Funny poems about Christian. These are the best examples of Funny Christian poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Footle |

Ancient Footles

1. Walls of Jericho:

2. Moses:

3. The Egyptians:

4. Jael:

5. Sampson:

6. Laban:

1. Joshua 6:20
2. Exodus 10:17-19
3. Exodus 14:28
4. Judges 4:21
5. Judges 16:29-30
6. Genesis 31:41

Written July 2d and 3d, 2013

Copyright © Isaiah Zerbst | Year Posted 2013

Details | Free verse |

Grandma Was Dancing

She was a tappin' to the tunes...
of those Mississippi blues...
step-pin' out, in her white...
Pat-en-leather shoes,

We were a watchin' her a prancin',
all through the kitchen, dancin'...
for she was so...hot & sizzlin'...
hummin' to those Mississippi tunes...

Funny curlers too, upon...
her head...for a new... Hair dew,...
she was, a swirlin'-in that bakers apron,
when her head...star-ted a bobbin' to...
those Mississip-pi blues,

'Pots were a knockin'...
Grandma a sockin' down all she brews,
while that kettle there was whistlin',
in har-mo-ny, with them good ole...
good ole...mississip-pi moves,'

That floor there, was a bouncin'
holdin' hands we were a jumpin',
an-a hoppin' In the kitchen, to those...
                  sounds ...
Where Grandma's feet were a stompin',
In her new...New-white-sexy-pat-en-
(ya hoo)

Copyright © Perry Campanella | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme |

Can I make an appointment with you

Dear Lord, I’d love to meet you. I’ll just check my diary now
To see when it’s convenient, so I can squeeze you in somehow.
Oh dear, it seems on Monday night I won’t be free.
I’ve made a new acquaintance, who has invited me for tea.
On Tuesday, I’ll be at the hairdressers fixing a new style.
So I’m afraid that day won’t do, ‘cause my hair might take a while.
I can pencil you in on Wednesday between twelve and one.
But I’m conscious that my meeting may go on and on and on.
Ah, Thursday might be better, but it’s very, very tight.
I’ll be preparing a meal for friends coming over that night.
Friday is not looking good; I’ve a report that needs completing
And after that, I apologise, I’ve booked another meeting.
Saturday is family day; and we have so many things planned.
You know how family is important; I’m sure you’ll understand.
Since I’m going to church on Sunday, I’m sure I’ll meet you there.
I guess we can catch up between the worship and the prayer.
But right now Lord, I’ve got to dash, I have no time to speak.
So hopefully we’ll rearrange and attempt to meet next week!


Copyright © Elayne Ogbeta | Year Posted 2014

Details | Quatrain |

To Fall In Love With You

It was all so unexpected 
When I met you the first time
With all my hopes and dreams for us
Just hanging on the line
We’d both been disappointed 
In our search for something true
But I could tell that you were different
Before I even met you, I just knew.

I had this little feeling,
And I had a lot of faith.
My heart was pounding in my chest
The day of our first date.
And the first time that I saw you, 
I could hardly breathe
You looked like a prince to me
I never would have guessed that you’d choose me.

So you took me by the hand 
And we walked around downtown
You held me as tight as you could
Kissed me like no one else was around
I could not believe it, that I found you
That you were real, and what I felt so soon
And then you danced with me
And sang to me under the moon.

We both saw shooting stars that night
I think it was a sign
A sign that this time will be different
That God is moving in our lives.
As far as romance stories,
I feel like we’re writing ours
I can’t wait for the next chapters
Can’t wait to let my heart keep falling for yours.

To find a million more things to love about you.
To learn that love can be true
To fall in love with you
To be in love with you.

Copyright © Holly Miller | Year Posted 2015

Details | Limerick |

laugh out loud brawy limerick

sip your coffee and smoke cigar
you the ass holy and mob boss 
catholic faith noth
protestants’ hybrid
St. John the Baptist spurious

Copyright © Verlena S. Walker | Year Posted 2014

Details | Carpe Diem |


If its money I got its money ill keep. If its money I have its money ill weep. If its love that I give its love ill receive. For I am but no one who just see's beneath. Some say your only as strong as you feel, but how could we change..in a place that's so unreal. People are hearing but..not really hearing. Why is the world so blind. I keep on screaming and screaming and screaming for things to be revolutionized. I am just a small song in a world full of cries, laughter, tears and french-fries.

Copyright © Sam Ruby | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme |

Quit My Job, Smashed My Car

Quit my job, smashed my car
My back does throb, need to learn guitar

So I can make, a silly song
And I can sing, it all day long
About how, my God is strong
So that even now, nothing’s wrong

Even though, I quit my job
smashed my car, my back does throb

Life is hard, but I’ve got God
So I won’t let any thought
Any worry or fear
Convince me you’re not near

Even when, I quit my job,
Smashed my car, my back does throb
Life is hard, but I won’t sob
I need to learn guitar

Copyright © Roland Fleming | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme |

A Trip to the Zoo

It was a beautiful day,
So I visited the zoo,
A sign said "Wild Cats This Way,"
Soon they came into view.

The tiger's eyes said,
"I'm gentle as rain;
Come pat my head,"
So I leaped over the chain.

It was a brief embrace,
I'll cut to the chase,
That's how I lost my calf bone,
Walking my tiger home. 

Copyright © Kim Bond | Year Posted 2016

Details | Dramatic Verse |

Real house wife at Christmas

       Real house wife at Christmas 
Another Christmas is around the 
Here she goes with her plans again
The saving all those while
  now speaks
As boxes of gifts keep showing up
Oh Adele 

Real house wife at Christmas 
Adele is a wife
A working class lady
Adele Cook not but only 
At Christmas 
As one is around the corner
Hmmmm......, happy he hope 
To enjoy a real house wife 
For a day 

Real house wife at Christmas
Like every Xmas 
The house is all clean
The Christmas decorations 
is at it best
As Christmas tree
Is surrounded by gifts
All done by Adele 
she cooks in kitchen
While her husband and kids 
just sit and watch movies
She want it so at Christmas 
He must do nothing but enjoy
The day was Adele goal all Christmas 
Oh Adele 
A real wife at Christmas 

Real house wife at Christmas
Is another Xmas to come 
Now she preparing for the 
Day again 
When all it take to make Christmas
A Wonderful one 
is done only by her
No house help on Christmas
No cleaners on adele Christmas 
No babysitter 
All done as a wife by Adele
As is only on 25th December 
Adele choice to be a
Real house wife at Christmas 

Copyright © richard nnoli | Year Posted 2014

Details | Rubaiyat |

Hide the Duct Tape

When we were first wed, my groom was hot,
He gave me things that could not be bought,
It wasn't until things got broke,
That I learned what his strengths were and were not.

I can fix stuff but I'm not that strong,
So my Honey-Do List was pretty long,
I was forced to admit in the end,
"Babe, it works but it's fixed completely wrong."

"You're smart and full of potential, Hank,
But fixing stuff with duct tape is so jank,
Buy a saw and a drill,
Go get some money from the bank."

Sixteen years later, I am proud to say,
Leaks and breaks don't keep him at bay,
He fixes things with skill,
And even trains our teen son named Trey. 

Copyright © Kim Bond | Year Posted 2016

Details | Free verse |

What is real

Look, to your left a pot of gold, this is not real.

Look, to your right a pot of silver, this is not real.

Look, down money all around, this is not real.

Look! Look! Up at the  sky Christ lives, now this is what is really real.

Copyright © Deborah Turner | Year Posted 2015

Details | Ballad |

The Contest of Hymns

Today my fellow Christians 
Today we have a need to pay
To pave the way for Godly deeds
I offer this contest today

Three hymns you may choose
To whom may ever give the most
Of dollars which are in need
So may you be leaded by the Holy Ghost

Thus the collection plate did pass
Among the members who gladly gave 
As cheerful givers do make
Treasures in heaven to gain

The assembled elders preacher and me
To start the count now gathered
But the preacher gasped
When he did smilingly behold
A folded thousand dollar 

Shouting praise the Lord do pray tell
Who gives such grand benevolent a gift 
Who wins the hymns of three
Who has sacrificed the best

And spied he did old hard hearing Edda May
Slouched low a back row seat
Shyly raising hand to the sky
The preacher ran to greet

Come forth and choose thy prize
Three hymns to you now may claim
As Edda May began to stand  
Edda May the winner of three

With back bone straight and wondering eye
Edda May released a snickering grin
Declaring her name loudly spoke
Giving voice for all with in
I do tell at this moment of truth
Pointing her crooked index out 
So many to choose from 
So many have I always liked

And thus she began
Pointing to Sam
And Claude
I’ll take him and him and him

The congregation began to sing
Have Thy own why Have thy own way
Edda May the potter
The three are the clay

Edda May just smiled
The children all did snicker
As Edda May walked arm in arm
With her new paid for fellers

Copyright © Mark Goodson | Year Posted 2013

Details | Blank verse |

Pages of the Book

On earth on a Mission
purpose redefined with singleness of vision
clarity came cause i sat to look
through the pages of the book

Some days skipped with nothing to dine
some nights slept with nothing to wine
yet more nourished than a royal cook
for i am best fed from the pages of the book

When I lost focus and fell
drowning in the depths of the well
yet I was lifted by an unseen hook
as i flipped through the pages of the book

What about you my dear friend
when the terrestrial race comes to an end
and death vomits all that it ever took
will your name be found on the pages of the book

Copyright © Chukwuemeka Mbah | Year Posted 2013

Details | Free verse |

Slugs have four noses

Slugs have four noses 
or so it is said
and a pig cannot see 
the blue sky overhead

Tigers have striped skin
and rabbits can’t sweat
you can’t lick your elbow  
you’ll try though I’ll bet

Birds cannot pee and 
worms eat their own poo
and a crocodile can’t 
poke it’s tongue out at you

Kangaroos cannot jump 
if you lift up their tail
and a small child could swim 
through the veins of a whale
Ducks have three eyelids 
to keep their eyes dry
what tastes food with its feet
yes – you’re right – butterfly

A shrimp has a heart 
which he keeps in his head
a hot Hippo is scary
his sweat is bright red

Dolphins sleep with one eye shut
under the waves
and bats always turn left
when they fly from their caves

Worms taste like bacon
starfish have no brain
but if he lost a leg
he could grow one again

But the best fact of all
and this one takes the crown
Flamingos have lunch
with their heads upside down

So your ears are too big
or your legs are too thin
and you dream of a dimple 
right there - on your chin

So accept what you see
God loves you as you are
He created us all
And you're His brightest star

Copyright © Bill Lindsay | Year Posted 2015

Details | Verse |

Grattitude First lesson in Christian Living

Dear little pony, the children’s clown,
Rough mane stands tall, his thick tail tumbles down.
Jiggety, jog.  Yes, some riders have frowned.
Dad can ride him with two feet on the ground!
He’s a tough little, nuggety, wonderful chap
Who can live on the roughest of diet mishap.
We don’t feed him oats much, he’ll founder on those,
But if you can ride him you’re right home and hosed!
He’s full of the tricks that intelligence brings.
He’s always a challenge until mummy sings
Out loud, lets him know that he can’t get away
With presenting his backside to children today.
The children must learn how to command him too.
It isn’t the easiest thing they must do,
But they look for the pleasure of riding again,
So they learn how to handle tough diamond disdain.
They must learn how to stop him from racing away
Towards home when his head is turned facing that way.
His mind is on resting with food in his trough,
But his job is to teach, and he does it but tough!
Tough diamond’s a doorway to wonderful thrills
In the glorious world of the horseman’s spills
And great challenges.  Once you can master this rascal
Nothing can daunt you.  Introductory sample
Of every excitement that riding can offer,
He’s cute, pert, adorable, and he can proffer
Essential abilities.  Gratitude is
The gateway to mastery, sire of bliss!
Every offence becomes laughable when
You think back to this tough little customer. Then
Your mind turns to teaching, as Daddy once did.
No more can the mud of offence cause a skid.
You’ll go round it.  Or jump it. There’s no need to fall
 When Gratitude’s mastered.  Remembering all
Those scuffles you had that your dad helped you through,
You’ll mother, or father, or teach others too.

Copyright © Helen Murray | Year Posted 2011

Details | Rhyme |

Dear Dracula,

There’s nothing to explain,
We know you’re homicidal,
And we realize it’s no game,
You simply kill for survival.

There’s a much better way 
to live life eternally
You can even enjoy the day
And stop existing nocturnally.

You see, Jesus conquered death
On the cross once for us all
Put your trust and faith in Him
And let this parasitic life dissolve.

But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ. —1 Corinthians 15:57

Copyright © Kim Bond | Year Posted 2016

Details | Verse |

A Prayer for Bad Noose

Prayer For Bad Noose
(The Goitre Psalm) 

The Lord is my Shepherd
I shall not want a Swollen Neck
He Leads me to the BEST Physician
He Restores my Throat
He Leads me through the dangers of Surgery
		for His Name’s Sake
Yeah, thou I work through the Shallowest of Breath, 
I fear it’s just “Goitre Go!!”…Thyroid - 
and Thy Staff comfort me.
Thou Prepared an Operating Table for me……
You anointed my body with Anaesthesia …my Calm Runs over.
Surely with Your Goodness and Mercy shall I swallow…
….all the Days of my Life.

		(The Fg 81.5.8)

Copyright © Robert Amure | Year Posted 2015

Details | Free verse |

Just as if I'd

rocking the boat                                                                                                -    Hey Hey what are you doing                                                                                            There is a snake

Copyright © John Beam | Year Posted 2014

Details | Narrative |

North Of Normal Norman

Far beyond the realm of time, is a place neglected.
West of what’s expected, south of what’s accepted.
North of what’s normal, east of what’s formal. 
They say to paint my picture grey, but I decided floral.  
North of normal Norman was the light that guides the doorman.
Help you see what is opaque, you have to kick the door in. 

North of Norman lives a race so jolly and so free.
Breathing air, without a care, smelling roses by the sea. 
Saltlandia’s the name, but you can’t find it on the map.
You can arrive within seconds, quick as a finger snap.
It has no edges and no size, a boundless field to tap. 

North of normal Norman is a circus; vast, dizzying array.
A kaleidoscope of colors; breathing energy displayed.
An everlasting song that bellows out the notes of love.
A place with trumpets at the gate, descending like a dove. 

You can do it without doing it, just being; that’s enough. 
You can see it without looking, check; a diamond in the ruff. 
Saltlandia, the palace of dreams, can’t stay and can’t depart. 
Doors are there to be opened up; each exit, another start.  

Copyright © Nicholas Rush | Year Posted 2015

Details | Light Poetry |

Jonah's Reason

For Jonah, it began with a word
to travel awhile
to preach against the vile
but he pretended he hadn’t heard.

We know the story
swallowed by the whale
it’s quite a tale
that ends in God’s glory.

But do you know why he ran?
He thought the vile did not deserve
the mercy in God’s reserve
like he did… a righteous man.

Today I choose never to deny
the mercy of the Son
from any wicked one
for there might be a whale nearby.

*Refers to the book of Jonah from the Holy Bible.

Copyright © Kim Bond | Year Posted 2013

Details | Senryu |

Sugar Coated

The day for the love                                                                                                                                                                if this was every day                                                                                                                                                              not love for the day

Copyright © John Beam | Year Posted 2017

Details | Rhyme |


Dear Boss,
If you have found this note in my empty chair,
Then you know I abandoned my post,
I do appreciate my job but it feels unfair,
that I'm working while you are off (playing golf),
I promise to return by a solemn swear,
on Monday when it reverts back to being cold,
And my body doesn't feel like it will explode
Because I'm in here
....and it's seventy degrees out there!
Your Worker

Copyright © Kim Bond | Year Posted 2016

Details | Prose Poetry |

The Way

 The Way
By Curtis Johnson

One wet and cloudy day I was in the way
Until someone shouted, “get out the way!”

Mr. 9 to 5  got real tired just the other day.
He emailed an old friend simply to say;
Someday I am going to find away without delay;
To get away and find a place to hide away.

Mr. 9 to 5, who lives up the street not far away,
 Said one day, “my house, I would love to give away,
and pack up my things and move far away.”
Then Mrs. 9 to 5 said, “no way, put him away.”

Mr. and Mrs. 9 to 5’s kids want to all run away.
They want to stay away, because Mr. 9 to 5 says,
It’s going to be his way or the long highway.
So all the kids got upset  one day and ran away.

We all get upset at times and don’t know which way.
I remember Jesus said one time, “I’m the way.”

Copyright © curtis johnson | Year Posted 2015

Details | Prose Poetry |











Copyright © Jerry Wells | Year Posted 2017