~Planet of the apes~
Ape should inherit the world
Perhaps --maybe, just maybe!
Earth has a chance
Copyright © Poet Destroyer A | Year Posted 2015
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up.
Every woman knows, an ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.
When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.
Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from.
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day - and another, in case it doesn't rain.
Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.
When they say boldly go where no man's gone before, they don't mean the kitchen.
Honey when I said I wanted something to hang my hat on I didn't mean THAT!
Any port in a storm is a good way to divorce court dearie!
Titillating is not an excuse for going to girlie bars.
Anyone got a buck I could sure use one?
Grab a piece of arse will you, it may be the last thing you ever grab.
Anal retentive? You don't say!
Lip service now there's a concept.....
*Listen for the drum roll!
Copyright © Debbie Guzzi | Year Posted 2010
C hocolate Candy Emmmm what a treat.
H as sweet ingredients that can't be beat.
O h what delight to put in our mouth and eat.
C hocolate a passionate lovers sweet. (
O nly the lonely will not eat this meat. (
L overs who Love chocolate will find this neat. ^
A ll chocolate will cause lovers to stay in heat. & &
T ake your time and savor this candy. % %
E ach one of you knows it makes you randy. @@@@@
K issing with chocolate covered lips is bliss.
I n your mouth each tongue will entwine with a kiss.
S o get yourself some chocolate today.
S weet chocolate candy will help you to play!
Copyright © Marty Owens | Year Posted 2010
Have you ever had one of those days
On the wrong side of the bed, bad days
When everything right went wrong
Cause the ding had lost it's dong
Ouch, Mr. Sun came peeking in
Up from bed and banged your shin
Leaky, full toilet overflowed
Damn, you stubbed your other big toe
Times like this: don't you love those days
Hardly anything seems to go your way?
Is little Johnnie turning green
Splat! Is that doggie ice cream?
Gas oven took a dump
Everyone’s oatmeal was in clumps
The kids were late AGAIN for school
Wasn’t that traffic cop a tool?
Oh, you should've just stayed in bed!
Rolled back over and called in dead…
Shoot! An hour late for work
Emptied Starbucks on your shirt
Dare you ask how this could get worse?
Others think you're such a jerk.
Next, the boss comes barging in
Tells you,"Look for work again"
Everything was going wrong
Vacation's gonna be a little long
Even your wife’s rope is at an end
Now she says, "Let's just be friends"
An asteroid fell from the skies
Smashed the beer between the thighs
Kick yourself for getting out of bed
Collaboration with Daniel Turner
Copyright © Tom Quigley | Year Posted 2016
The Birds and the Bees
A “Closely-Knit” Trio
Inspect the local female population
Sultry “ladies” sat
And sipped wine
Not giving him one glance
To a trio of
Big Joe tried to
Engage one in conversation
Evasively she lit a cigar and said,
“Sorry, but our threesome suits us just fine”
Acrostic for Carol’s “The Birds and the Bees” Contest
Copyright © Carolyn Devonshire | Year Posted 2010
Crazy is defined by the crazy things you do
Really crazy things are just too crazy, too
A crazy person laughs when no one is around
Zealous crazy people are too busy to be found
Yes, crazy is as crazy does, who really can define?
Your definition of crazy is well kept in your mind.
Even when you’re normal, crazy still remains
Some keep crazy in their hearts, to look like they’re still sane.
Copyright © Michael Degenhardt | Year Posted 2008
A is for apathy, “You all know you are!”
B is for itching, “Why can’t I have a car?”
U is for the umbilical cord. You never cut from Ma.
N is for neutral, “Why should you take a stand?”
D is for dependent, “Hey, one always needs a hand!”
A is for angry, “Well, why the hell shouldn’t I be?”
N is for nostalgia, ‘cause in the past we’re free.
C is for the ocks ;) who run the whole damn show!.
E is for euthanasia, “When your old just GO!”
And all that spells abundance, in case you could not tell?
Or went to school in Texas and never learned to spell.
Copyright © Debbie Guzzi | Year Posted 2009
G ood God! How I’ve tried,
E ven outright denied
M any times the persona you see.
I nside of my skin,
N either conscience nor kin,
I have you and yes, you and that’s me!
Copyright © Gerard Keogh Jr. | Year Posted 2009
Charmaine passed me the ball and I don't know what to do with iT
Holy cow! Now, I should transfer the tag until John gets mad, sO
Another tag, while James is still in The Somerset ZodiaC
Restore the ball, erase those codes, don't trace the lines of NazcA
Mysteries, enigmas, forget the Druids, the MinotauR
All the pyramids, the Count, the King, and old RongorongO
Icemen, Amazons and Vikings, leave the day the Sun Stood StilL
Nothing about Mayans'rise and fall, catch the ball, bounce it, plaY
Endorsed you are, my dear blonde, hit the ball, and play agaiN
Copyright © Ruben O. | Year Posted 2009
there once was a bear
who lived in belair
he owned a red hen
who made eggs for his kin
then one time like most bears do
the bear got hungery
and ate the red hen
and her last eggs of ten
with a gulp and a swallow
down went the hen
now there was no hen to lay eggs for his kin.
Copyright © brandy wassam | Year Posted 2014
Cookies are addictive!
OoOoH! Here's one to snatch!
Okay...where's the chocolate chips?
Kraving too many of these treats
I want some now! But...I might get beeefy...
Every bite is mouthwatering, soft and crisp
Should I take another cookie?
Copyright © JW Earnings | Year Posted 2013
L ola watched
I rma’s drunken
V eronica impression.
E velyn said,
L ouise knows
A ndrea was
U ma’s half-sister.
G ladys was
H azel’s love-child.
L isa raised
O ma’s kids.
V irginia smootched
E unice’s husband.
* For the Live, Laugh, Love Acrostic contest.
Copyright © John Trusty | Year Posted 2010
Principally, pretty Penny the poet gave the ILLUSION of preening
Outside the Palace in the portico pre-party.
Edward the Bard entered elegantly, elaborating with an INFUSION of
Trendy calligraphy pens and colored inks of CREATIVITY.
Ralph, the Shakespearian sonnet writer EVENTUALLY strolled in with a scroll.
You would think none of them new each other, as they
Practically knocked each other over getting to the press.
At any other time, Annabelle the actress would have been
Languishing on a director’s arm but tonight, she had
An editor! How INEVITABLE! Clarisse came to the Palace Ball dressed as
Cleopatra and carrying a clay tablet full of
Egyptian poetry, who would win for best piece was anyone’s guess.
Copyright © Debbie Guzzi | Year Posted 2011
Orange, black, and white
Keep it pulled down tight.
Sits on my head with pride
Taking care of my uncombed hair
Ageing with daily wear
Threaded with the letters OSU
Eskimo Joe wears one too.
Copyright © Brian Magness | Year Posted 2011
But for that crazy, ill-conceived bidet,
I'd say using a loo is serious business.
Darn it, think of a sudden April shower
Encroaching upon your pretty posterior,
Tickling it, the nearest thing to heaven!
Copyright © Wilfredo Derequito | Year Posted 2008
My ears are buzzing
Carefully I listen
Keep still I say
Entangled is a bee
I chuckle to myself
Ending the life of the bee.
Copyright © Mckenzie Argall | Year Posted 2012
EASTER EGGS EVERYWHERE
Fun Filled Freedom.......
Giddy Giggly Games...
How ya' Hangin'???
Just Jolly Joey!
HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!!!
Copyright © JSLambert Mister ROBOTO | Year Posted 2011
I bet on a horse and it won
50 quid is not a huge sum
So I bet again and still won
But 100 quid is still a small sum
So I bet again and guess what?
Yes, I won
But 300 quid is still not a big sum
So you know what I did? Yes u do
I bet again and yes I won
But 500 quid is not a big sum,
So I decided to go to the zoo
to buy a gorilla who had flu
I got him cheap, but he was big,
bigger then my 500 sum
I bet he could swim, jump, play
polo and clean out a sump
He did all this with much glee, but I
am still not rich you see
My poorly gorilla costs me a lot, the
vets are an expensive lot
So my 500 quids are no more, and
my gorilla looks sad even more.
So I sold my pet to my vet, cus he
wanted him as a pet
Now I have 500 to bet, and yes on a
horse. I bet
My horse was called gorilla in the
Gosh what a fantastic twist.
Surely my horse should win this
race, and yes he did, at a casual gait.
Now I have 1000 quid to my name,
so back to the zoo, for some other
I brought a giraffe, with my stake,
he had a long neck and he smelled
But my story ends here as my Dr
Come on he said to me, what have
written on your pad?
Wow said my Dr that’s just great,
now time for your medication date!
Copyright © gary phoenix | Year Posted 2013
APATHETICALLY I APPROACH THIS TASK
ACADEMIC FERVOR RUNNING THIN
“FOR IS IT NOT TIME TO SLEEP?” I ASK-
FAVORING FINALE, I HOLD UP MY CHIN.
HONESTLY, BETTER COULD BE DONE.
HONESTY IT IS NOT THAT I AM LACKING;
COMPOSITION BECOMES LITTLE FUN,
DILIGENCE LOST, I AM SLACKING!
Copyright © Brandon Purnell | Year Posted 2013
Four Ugly Colored Kittens
Often Fight Fatigue
Sugar Honey Iced Tea
Helps Everything Any Day
Darn Umpire Misjudged Ball
Can't Understand Normal Thinking
Gary Only Dreamed Darla Answered Mail Now
As She Started Having Other Liaisons Earnestly
Copyright © Jim David | Year Posted 2010
To talk about ‘The Facts’ makes some parents put on a show,
Hatching up answers to questions their children should know,
Enduring the same fate as their elders from times long ago.
“Babies,” Mommy says, “Come from a big cabbage patch.
Indeed! A stork flies over to spot which cabbage to catch.
Risking it all, she swoops down for the bundle in just one snatch.”
Dad then pipes in, “Not to pick just any, the cabbage must match!”
So it goes, as parents quickly warm to the stories they hatch.
Anticipation of kids’ questions makes parents sweat rivers.
Normally, Junior has never seen Mom so taken with shivers.
Dad tries once more to describe just how the stork delivers.
“There’s a time when a honeybee was tired from his weary flight,
Having flown over too many cabbage fields with no honey in sight.
Exactly that moment the stork also was searching with all of her might.
Beautiful Stork and sweet Honeybee looked at the other and smiled,
Exchanging information, they followed directions each had compiled.
Eventually, the bee got to the hive and the stork found her precious child.
Son, that’s the story about the birds and the bees flying high out in the wild.”
Copyright © Virginia Mitchell | Year Posted 2010
A lthough I’ve attempted some difficult and
N eddlesome poems in my decades of writing,
T he ultimate challenge had to be an acrostic
I n which the longest English word was chosen.
D eciding to undergo the absurd challenge
I delved into the history of these useless words and
S oon it became abundantly clear that
E asily the most popular of the contenders,
S hellacking Shakespeare’s ‘honorificabilitudintatibus’ and
T aught to students from kindergarden to grade twelve, was
B ut sadly, there were multisyllabic monsters even
L onger, like the one we came to know and love
I n Walt Disney’s 'Mary Poppins'-
S upercalifragilisticexpialidocious- which
H as fourteen syllables and a letter count of 34.
M ost linguists agree that deciding on the longest word
E ntails whether or not you allow chemical
N ames like dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane
T ypically referred to as DDT.
A nother matter is the acceptability of lingo,
R igmarole, jargon, balderdash, twaddle and
I diomatic gibberish…
N ot withstanding its pedantic appeal,
I s clearly the lexiconic choice and
S hould win the ‘Longest Word’ crown
M ade from elbow patches and Donegal tweed.
© 2009 James Rasmusson
Copyright © James Rasmusson | Year Posted 2010
Leo, an Astrology Acrostic
by Amy Swanson
Loyal friend who'll laugh with you, the sun rules their playful heart;
Engagingly eclectic, they'll give all they have; forgive them if they seem a little bossy.
Outgoing with majestic charm, they'll walk with you until the very end.
*Inspired by Danielle White's astrology acrostic contest* -- I had to get in on the fun! :)
Copyright © Amy Swanson | Year Posted 2009
Elastic stretches bit by bit, around your thick dimension
Lets you wiggle, if you're pudgy, from too much fudge retention
A second portion...now, you're ecstatic....Alas, you've licked the kettle!
Should I tattle or meddle much, or call for intervention?
Thus, your middle may need attention, is it a time for fudge redemption?
I hope you won't judge my good intentions, or hold a grudge.... OOPS!
Caught by chance, I wear stretch pants!! Your fudge tastes quite fantastic!!
9/24/13 For Andrea's "Seven" Contest
Copyright © Carrie Richards | Year Posted 2013
R ascal with a twinkle in his dark-ringed eye
A morous feeling frisky under a full moon's light
C at strolled by- her voluptuous tail swishing to and fro
C oy glances by feline big blues
O vert flirting, then invited her to dine
O pulent feast of restaurant scraps made her swoon...
N uptials next - rascal raccoon carried her over the threshold of their new home.
for "Tell Me About It" contest
sponsored by Francine Roberts
Copyright © Carol Fillmore | Year Posted 2011
Peek, if you dare…inside my Palace of CREATIVITY
Observe my drafty walls, and rhyming dungeons ^^
Enter, my friends, with no delusions! ^^
There are marbled halls of mass confusion…
Regarding your ILLUSION, of metaphoric INFUSIONs,…
Your opinions may falter, upon the alter, compared to other verses ^^
Poetic attempts, and past regrets, are ghostly curses
And with INEVITABLE blunders, they rattle off meter, the echos could haunt you!
Lest you dare, just beware, dear readers…. WATCH YOUR STEP! ^^
As your guide, I’ll confide….people have died!
'Cause this Poetry Palace, has bats in the belfry! (As everyone knows)…
EVENTUALLY, this palace place should be foreclosed!
For Linda Marie’s Contest “Poetry Palace”
By Carrie Richards
Copyright © Carrie Richards | Year Posted 2011
H Hell breaks loose when Papa comes along,
O One studiously studying, now jumping and singing a song!
O One prankster eating, now his plate a mish-mash!
L "Lets hug Papa tight, before Mamma could lash."
I I am sure my naughty ones are over the moon
G Going by their frantic pace I'll go crazy too soon!
A and now I hear them complain," Mamma nags."
N Now suddenly in my disciplined life, behind, the order lags.
I Its a win-win situation for them, my word will have no gains
S Somehow in a protected territory, even these deer will turn fierce lions!
M My house thus is a home to two sweet hooligans!
WORD GAMES CONTEST
Sponsor: Catie Lindsay
Copyright © Yesha Shah | Year Posted 2012
Spend your hard-earned cash on fuel for takeoff.
Pray that the government does not find out until gone.
Allow your free time for checking weather, not golf.
Case the local food store for dry goods you can con.
Evaluate your water supply needs, no water in cosmos.
Secure a safe place for waste, body waste floats to easy.
Have welding knowledge, so your stored rocket is close.
Internet may bring suspicion making government queasy.
Plan to go up straight in the air, horizontal rockets scare.
Copyright © cecil hickman | Year Posted 2009
Poetic hunger made me starving one night
Opened laptop pretending I am taking a bite
Empty stomach and soul were not satisfied
Transient beggar of mind - didn't feel right!
Recipes great from my Epulaeryu site
Yielded spoonfuls of rhythm and humor so bright
So I fired up the stovetop, asked friends for a light
Our fantasy soup flooded steams of delight
Uniquely created in a midsummer night
Patiently stirring talent by a secret White Knight...
for: Adeleke's contest "Poetic Picture of POETRY SOUP"
Copyright © iolanda Scripca | Year Posted 2010
H e was always the saintly , quiet one
A and everyone knew his name .
P etula Francis Xaviar
P uts Johnny Cash's Sue to shame .
Y et , he always held his dignity
N o matter , who would provoke
E specially , his crazy sister
W alter Benedict , who he'd gladly choke .
Y es , it was time for big decisions
E specially for twenty ten
A nd sissy names , particularly , ain't for real men ;( so he is now )
R egina , Catie , Seanie , Carol Poetry , the Pen ..
Inspired for Carol's Happy New Year contest and "dared "to write and present this , by Catie .
Copyright © Sean Kelly | Year Posted 2010