Limerick Relationship Poems | Limerick Poems About Relationship

These Limerick Relationship poems are examples of Limerick poems about Relationship. These are the best examples of Limerick Relationship poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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I can only hand it to you

Tapped messages go out direct
With phones it's an easy connect
Thoughts from a finger
In cyberspace linger
But touching's too much to expect

Copyright © Duke Beaufort | Year Posted 2013


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HE DIDN'T GET THE MESSAGE - COLLABORATION

There once was a fellow named Ted Who recently in church got wed His wife was in the mood Laying there in the nude… He was texting his friends instead! He was sending text after text His new wife was feeling quite vexed 'I'm after your bone - now get off your phone .... Or I'll leave if I'm under sexed! A collaboration with Jospeh May Both Poems inspired by 'And Nothing Else Matters' By Andrea Dietrich 1st May 2016

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016

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TERRIFYING TINA

A petite ballerina named Tina Seemed serene but she couldn’t be meaner When she got in the sack She was on the attack At the size and the shape of his ‘wiener’ Her suitors would then try to dodge her After insults on their little todger But listen up guys I have a surprise She’s transgender and she was once Rodger! New or Old 4 - Poetry Contest Sponsored by Eve Roper 20th March 2016

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016


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LEAVES TALKING

He called me a fat stupid old sow Said my arse was the size of a cow! So now we’re not talking In fact, I am walking From his life … I’ll go pack my bags now! N/A in Leaves talking Contest Submitted to any poem that got an N/A in September Sponsored by Janice Canerdy 09~16~16

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016

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A LITTLE BIRD TOLD ME

Sue decided to send Jim a tweet She used words that were quite indiscreet Calling him a fat turd - (Using another word) Their romance has taken a back seat! 12~23~16

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016

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CUTIE PATOOTIE BAWDY LIMERICK

Pat swung from a chandelier Fell off and hurt her cute rear She gave it a rub And soaked in the tub Next time she’ll stay off the beer! Pat copied the birds and the bees And had carpet burns on her knees She saw her GP He said ‘Oh dear me’ - Next time settle for a quick squeeze But Pat said I’m always so randy And so is my boyfriend called Sandy If he can’t have a lay At least three times a day He’ll leave me for that old moo Mandy 'for Pat' with my love xx 05~03~17

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2017

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OLD AND GREY


With a ring, I'm hoping to say
All my intent that came our way
I pray for God's grace
to rain on that place
where our wedding vows display

I want to send my guy a bouquet
to him my love I'll display
His cheeks powder flush
as touches play hush
These flow e'en we're old and grey
__________________________________________
O.E. Guillermo 
6:42 pm, April 29, 2015



Copyright © Olive Eloisa Guillermo - Fraser | Year Posted 2015

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God Save the Queen

Alas, it was the year of the scorned princess
when Diana did on Charles and Camilla dis!
  But the Queen hid her dis-dain
  yet through it all she did reign
and God saved her from her annus horribilis!

                   


                  June 2015

Copyright © Keith Trestrail | Year Posted 2015

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Love and Hate

LOVE and HATE it can often be said
in relationships, share the same bed
if you're really quite shrewd
you can work out her mood-
either lipstick or bruise on my head!

Copyright © Viv Wigley | Year Posted 2015

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Survival

 
 When pretty girls often walk past
 I make sure I don't look too fast
 I like being kissed
 not feeling a fist
 and that is how marriages last!

 Limerick for 'write with the wit of Twain', sponsored by Andrea Dietrich
 based on the Mark Twain quote-“There are several protections against temptation,
 but the surest is cowardice”
 06/22/2015

Copyright © Viv Wigley | Year Posted 2015

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A Fathers Desire

Their well being covers every corner of his conscience
caring for them is his default so beyond science
even when he seems wicked
he’d not mind to go naked
for love in their life to have a high rate of prevalence.

Copyright © Funom Makama | Year Posted 2016

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How to give a guy a premarital suitability exam

Before the "I do" she must choose
A man that does well in dance shoes
His psyche gives a clue
When employing step two
Ply him to the limit with booze

Copyright © Duke Beaufort | Year Posted 2013

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How To Pick Up A Girl

Make sure you can manage the weight
Remember to keep the back straight
Then lift slow not quick
That should do the trick
You’ve just learned to pick up a date

Copyright © Martin Kloess | Year Posted 2013

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Hey Babe, How Would You Like to See Me-

Opened my mouth, pure nonsense I spewed 
Eyebrows she raised, “Don’t mean to be rude"
Head-shake then a sigh 
“Are you freekin HIGH?"
“I prefer strangers dressed and NOT nude”

‘It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt’ - Mark Twain

*Submitted for: John Freeman's Dumb and Dumber contest

Copyright © Tim Ryerson | Year Posted 2015

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Bill And Monica - Limerick

     Bill And Monica - Limerick

There once was a girl called Monica
Bill played her like a harmonica
Placed cigars in her rear 
News said that was queer
Both caught on surveillance electronica

Copyright © Earl Schumacker | Year Posted 2014

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This Path we Walk

As we walk like children holding hands , swinging our arms together as we walked slowly through the blanket of the Autumn leaves. The path we walk is as it were never ending .The tall forest trees that lined each side , appeared to funnel off to the distant open sky . Sun now setting leaving a Orange sky that blended with the leaves all about us . That cool evening breeze upon our glowing faces . The whisper of the trees as they swayed in the wind , but the loudest sound of it all was the beating of our hearts . No it was not just the chill of the wind that made our faces glow , it was the love in our hearts that showed. Yes we were children for that moment , full of innocents of a love so pure at heart, a love so true , nothing could tear it apart . A love that memories are made of  and dreams that come true .There is nothing so good as the love you have for me and I for you.
  The path we walk that seemed to go on forever , was actually our love through out our lives ,as we travel together through it.
TAC

Copyright © TIMOTHY CARTER | Year Posted 2013

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I'm The Best

My wife always says I’m the best
A feeling which brought me much zest
One night wild thoughts flew
In search of a clue
I wondered just who were the rest

Copyright © Martin Kloess | Year Posted 2013

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PEACE AT LAST - COLLABORATION WITH ROB BETTRIDGE

There are women who feel a strong need To nag men until their ears bleed In a war of attrition With relentless petition Is a cruel way to make men concede Men wish for a life of peace But get nagged by a tongue that won't cease Men will just say It's the female DNA That must out in its need for release We can’t help it; we just HAVE to nag Guess some folks would call us 'an old hag' But men get on our nerves When you paw at our curves Men should give up and wave the white flag We can suffer from bad PMT, Become ogres that men want to flee We scream and we shout Say we’ll throw you out But for some reason you wont let us be Better by far, we should try this next time It's effective and will prove sublime By wearing earplugs In each of our lugs We'll be laughing whilst nagging - in mime Laughing together will lighten our day It's a tonic to chase our problems away For a really big smile Can last a long while And we'll both get along better that way 24th January 2016-01-24 Collaboration by Jan Allison and Rob Bettridge

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016

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The Man Who Loved Pink

		                         
.
				His wife wants some black lingerie.
				He'll really surprise her today.
				Hot pink is his fav'rite.
				Oh, how he does sav'r it.
				He struts in his bright negligee!
	
				She's shocked when she sees him this way.
				She screams, "What a Valentine's Day!
				I wanted some roses,
				but here my man poses
				and prances. This is NOT OKAY!"

				She sniffles and gives him a box.
				Inside are some black boots and socks.
				He says, "Black and pink
				look kinky, I think!
				Oh, thanks, Dear. This gift really rocks."

				He does have some roses for her,
				but now everything is a blur.
				"Pink roses," she mumbles.
				Toward bed she now stumbles.
				He says, "Wait. I bought you a fur!"

				"It's pink," she responds. "I'm amazed!"
				Her husband is smiling, unfazed.
				"I dyed it for you.
				Don't you love this hue?"
				She stares at him, totally dazed.

				She tells him, "I have to lie down." 
				He says, "Say good-bye to that frown.
				I've fixed up our room			
				and banished the gloom.
				For us, no more drab beige and brown!"

				She enters the room feeling weak
				and turns on the light for a peek.
				She screams when she sees
				bright pink; then she flees.
				For days she's unable to speak.

January 26, 2017

				






Copyright © Janice Canerdy | Year Posted 2016

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Caressing Her Beauty

Mr and Mrs walking down the High Street Shoe shop window her eyes did now greet Into the shop they both went Oh! those boots, please consent Too dear, no purchase, no receipt Ready for bed and feeling so fruity His hand now caressing her beauty Cutting sharpness she says With no payment display No horse shoes, your not riding it's booty .

Copyright © James Fraser | Year Posted 2014

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The Queen and the Champion

There once was a Queen from Kent,
Whose notebooks have yet been rent,
Who spent all her time
Creating a rhyme,
So her kingdom was downward sent...

Along came a Champion so proud!
But his followers were MUCH too loud!
They woke up the Queen,
Creating a scene,
So her soldiers kicked him 'about'...

"Say what!?" Screamed the Queen
As she looked him 'between'...
"Let him up!" She did order,
"And kick one another!"
As was the law in 1319...

"This man will be MINE," said the Queen,
"Yes, this man will be my King!
He'll save our dear land,
And lend me a hand
With a little personal something."

SAID THE CHAMPION:

"You MUST stop speaking in riddles, my dear,
For your words to my mind do adhere!
If I'll be your King,
Then do this one thing,
Or you'll lose me fore'er, I fear."

The Queen did her best to adjust,
Turning eloquent words into dust...
She barely could talk,
So her mate she did stalk,
And spent her days wrapped up in lust...

Her stories are many, I hear,
But many are filthy, I fear,
So I'll leave up to guess
How she got out of her mess,
And how her Champion honestly saved her.

Copyright © Cynthia Palmer-Ham | Year Posted 2014

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BOOMERANG HUSBAND'S PURR


                                      Jaunty can't live without her
                                          for silly matters deter
                                         actually he loves much 
                                       gone from home no touch
                                       boomerang husband's purr







Note: Sorry, this is my first limerick

Copyright © BL DEVNATH | Year Posted 2014

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BAWDY LIMERICK WHAT A WHOPPER - GOTD AWARD

Sue had a new boyfriend called Billy Who had a gargantuan willy To Sue’s great delight It stayed up all night … And Sue was a game little filly! FOR GIGGLE OF THE DAY CHALLENGE 11~27~16

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016

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AND MOTHER CAME TOO - EXCESS BAGGAGE

I met Peter for a blind date His bad habits I REALLY hate He sat picking his nose Finding fluff from his toes Then both of these items he ate! His mother accompanied us … She’d sat next to me on the bus Told me Peter was ‘pure’ And to be doubly sure She’d tied up his balls in a truss! Peter was a prolific farter So our date I deemed a non-starter The wind from his tush Came out in a rush I went home as I’m not a martyr! Fiction write BUT I did go out with a guy who wanted to bring his mother with us when we went on honeymoon ….needless to say I didn’t marry him! Baggage Contest Sponsored By Carolyn Devonshire Color of gemstone would be green 01~30~17

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2017

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CRAPUNZEL

She sits in her Ivory Tower Her face like a lemon, so sour She mocks the human race With a scowl on her face She’s not seen for many an hour Her face could sink a thousand ships With those trout like pink pouty lips She sits in the nude then gobbles her food and then at the sherry she sips Her husband named Jeff was brow beaten He’d consume the scraps she’s not eaten Such an ignorant cow So poor Jeff ‘s left her now He got so fed up of her bleatin! 04~11~17 Inspired by the Rapunzel story with my own unique twist!!!

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2017

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The Appointments

Oh doctor my wife won’t you see
I think she is cheating on me
Said doctor to fuss
Of course I’ll discuss
She’ll be with me just after three

Copyright © Martin Kloess | Year Posted 2013

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PRETENSION


            PRETENSION

                 Her indifference was merely a facade.
                   Her eyes glisten in passion
                    but denies in pretension.
               I am watching as critic since a decade.
                   Our unison is sure if I persuade.  

                I adore and carry my tingling feeling
                     I know she loves best,
                    but shows disinterest
          It is high time to honor her own yearning.
          Hers and mine should combine in our stepping.

        Not to try to act tact showing damn denial    
                     No need to be rough rude
                    She has crossed her childhood.
         No need to be strict on baseless refusal.
         Eager to see her in milk white dress; “Bridal”!    

   08/06/15
                     

Copyright © Anisha Dutta | Year Posted 2016

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It WAS A BIT OF A COCK UP

A randy old codger called Pete His actions were quite indiscreet His passionate whirl With a sexy girl Brought the patter of tiny feet! 01~24~17

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2017

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Limerick Contest: Naughty Bawdy

There once was a limerick about sex
It spoke of positions that were complex
We tried them all out
They made us want to shout!
Charlie horses, back pains, and sore necks!

Nevertheless, I finished with haste
My performance was utterly disgraced 
She said, "it's okay
Get off, too much you weigh"
She grabbed her little friend, I was replaced

Written April 27, 2017

Copyright © PoetPrentice Dupins | Year Posted 2017

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POLYANDROUS POLLY

Polly married two different men One called Bill and the other was Ben She lived in two houses With each of her spouses Polly said she would marry again! Polly has her eye set on a third - She is a polyandrous old bird She just loves having sex Her life’s rather complex Polly’s love life is rather absurd! 08-02-17

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2017