You Would Laugh But, I Hope You Read This

I can’t count the wrongs I’ve committed The people I’ve hurt The friends I’ve lost, but, the hardest part was losing You The only one I could see myself with Even now Especially since you’re gone Oscar Wilde once said “You will understand” ..I will never understand how proud I was Proud enough to almost die and lose you Proud enough to realize I had not beat Depression Proud enough to let myself be My own worst enemy. I messed up so much I’m a changed woman now and you are truly All That Is Missing From my life Love is supposed to make you better Not kill you Love didn’t make me better Because of love, I almost died I dare you to love me again, I dare you to accept me for who I am now, Despite your flaws, I still loved you, Maybe I was somewhat obsessed. You don’t know how much I’ve changed, How sorry I am for stressing you out, Hurting you and myself, I’m a different woman. My skin is stained with your scent, Stained with the way your luscious, soft lips felt, I tried to let someone else touch me the way you did, I couldn’t be that happy again. Believe me when I say I tried too hard to be perfect, I tried too painfully hard to make you want me, Why didn’t you just tell me you loved me as I was? Now, although healed, Through therapy and medicine, You infiltrate every thought, action, and word that leaves my lips. No matter how hard, Or how much I want to, You made me happier than anyone and anything ever could. I don’t think you have ever sobbed after reading a beautiful piece of poetry, I wanted you to be sentimental, I was ridiculous, I drove you away. You went from someone who surprised me to the Night that terrorizes me and reminds me The ghost that haunts me Every single inch of me That you have seen and used to enjoy Every inch that I wish you would enjoy again That I crave for you to enjoy again. If you knew I wrote this, I know that you would laugh at me You would think I was the biggest idiot But, you ignore me now It’s how you cope So, do I really have anything to lose? If you would let me, I would show you the real me In nine months, You never got to see Me. I haven’t seen the real me in six years. This is the first time. Please, Let me love you, And try to love me. If years go by and one day you ask me if this is about you, That is one thing I will deny, So you don't judge me. I will say it was about the one after you, Not you. Never you.