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This Empty Dream

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A verse which on 3/17/21 I considerably restructured from its original sonnet form (The Waiting Sleep) for the Fragments Of Verse Poetry Contest of John Lawless

 

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I wander aimlessly inside an empty dream where everything is lost and slowly dying. Anguished souls I do not know weep unseen in shadows. I sense them wandering somewhere far from me. And always I feel wind. Sometimes it blows hot upon my skin - other times cold. Never is it simply cool or soothingly balmy. Inside this empty dream I yearn to return to a normalcy I somehow still am able to recall. Leaves flutter in the harshness of the ever-blowing wind. They flutter and then disintegrate. For what could I be waiting inside this dream where relief seems to be but a stranger? Inside this dream, I keep drifting - drifting along with the withering leaves. Meanwhile, the souls who in faraway shadows are roaming and moaning hear not the slightest sound I make as I begin my descent into the ever-growing pile of crumbling leaves. All alone am I now - crumbling. . . slowly crumbling among these leaves whose final hues are those of death. And even yet . . . I cannot will myself to waken from this empty dream which still I keep on dreaming. 3/17/21 for Mark Toney's 2022 Poetry Marathon Mile 21 Poetry Contest

Copyright © | Year Posted 2021




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Date: 7/23/2021 9:47:00 AM
Amazing esoteric write Andrea full of vivid images and raw emotions. Congratulations on your win with this wonderful poem.
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Date: 4/13/2021 9:16:00 PM
Back with congratulations!
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Date: 4/13/2021 7:22:00 AM
This deserves multiple reads. Your talent shines thru. Take care, my friend.
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Date: 4/13/2021 6:58:00 AM
Andrea, your wander through this poem was far from aimless.....it hit the mark. I think the re-write allows a slower more reflective read than the sonnet although neither would fail to impress....
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Date: 3/23/2021 12:50:00 PM
This took me awhile to read ... my mouth was still agape from the very first line: "Sonnet #191" ... that's crazy! Bereavement aside. I think the re-write is a much more enjoyable read. I don't see you write in free-verse very often, so it's nice to see that side of you.
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 3/23/2021 1:31:00 PM
thanks for that amazing comment, Timothy. I look back on my sonnet writing with amazement that 4 years into poetry, sonnet was my "main" tool for writing poetry! I tend to write too much like a narrator when I leave meter out of my poetry. That is why you don't see me write free verse too often,but I have maybe over 100 poems that are actually what I would consider free verse. (some that I posted as free verse are actually prose. It happens way too often with me). Still need to try my gift card out for your book!
Date: 3/19/2021 2:14:00 PM
Wonderful reconstruction. Polished to perfection.
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Date: 3/17/2021 10:56:00 AM
WoW! Andrea, This is what I call outstanding poetry! I think I just read the above poem and commented on it. You reconstructed this write and hit it out of the ballpark. Your descriptions seem so vivid and real, like one stuck in limbo of a dream and reality. It has more depth, and it has a good rhythm and flow. It looks a winner to me.Best wishes in the contest. I enjoyed the read:-) Alexis
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 3/17/2021 1:47:00 PM
that's so nice of you to say, and also what you said on my poem about being famous if I could! I had great fun changing a sonnet to free verse! Gotta go run errands. Otherwise,I'd see more of your poems.
Date: 3/17/2021 8:34:00 AM
Exceptional work, Andrea. I particularly enjoyed the rewrite...think it flowed better. It shows your maturing as a poetess (is this a word now?). Best of luck in Lawless's contest.
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 3/17/2021 9:31:00 AM
thanks, yes, poetess is still a word but I don't understand why some women object to it! It sounds so "poetic!"
Date: 3/17/2021 2:19:00 AM
This is a brilliant write Andrea, you've gone from strength to strength over time. Tom
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 3/17/2021 10:04:00 AM
So kind of you to say, Tom.
Date: 3/17/2021 1:09:00 AM
What a dream. Mine are always terrible but never empty. The void is devastating. Excellent imagery.
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 3/17/2021 9:32:00 AM
perhaps all dream is life?
Date: 3/17/2021 12:10:00 AM
Surreal images so adroitly crafted!
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Book: Reflection on the Important Things